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The all-time greatest FMLs

Milky milky

By Anonymous - 05/02/2022 21:59

Today, it's been one week since spicing things up with mine and my husband's sex life by involving whipped cream. We can now smell of out of date diary, no matter what soap products we use showering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 813

Alexa, play "Insomnia" by Echobelly

By Anonymous - 23/12/2022 15:00 - Germany

Today, I have officially lost count of how many nights in a row I couldn’t fall asleep until the small hours, even though I go to bed early and get up early every single day. I’m the kind of person who needs at least nine hours of sleep to be anything other than useless and depressed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 166

Everything everywhere all at one

By My life is a mess - 27/12/2022 09:00

Today, I blew a tire without money for a spare, had to have my ex come get my kids, drove home on three tires, and possibly fucked things up with my girlfriend beyond repair. My girlfriend is the only person keeping me sane, and I might lose her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 275

Booze don't cure the blues

By Anonymous - 18/02/2021 13:58 - United States - Edison

Today, it was my birthday, and even the person who seemed excited about me finally turning 21 and can legally drink forgot. Guess who got drunk alone tonight? This guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 181

Exhausted and fat

By Anonymous - 21/10/2021 19:59 - Germany

Today, my body can do wondrous things, like turn bread into blubber, produce pimples and wrinkles on top of each other, but still hasn't mastered the basic principles: using sleep for recharging and turning food into energy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 169

Fleeting

By Anonymous - 12/06/2023 03:00 - Morocco - Agadir

Today, and for the past couple of months, I've been feeling really down. A few days ago, I met a girl from Germany, we made out, and I started reading her favorite book. I learned earlier today that she'd gone back to Germany and forgot to tell me. I’ve been waiting all day to see her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 175

Anxiety

By Anonymous - 26/01/2021 08:02 - Germany

Today, and for the last 5 days, I’ve been waking up between 5:30 and 6:30 a.m. Perfect time to get into work early, right? Except I’ve been unemployed for months and the one thing I’m trying to work on is my lack of sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 146

Tidy

By Jill - 23/01/2023 13:30

Today, my boyfriend taught my son to do his chores. Not real chores, but "Runescape chores" on my boyfriend's account. My son won't pick up his toys or put his shoes away, but he'll jump on the computer to grow plants or cut trees or some other stupid shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 230

Looking for a job?

By Anonymous - 21/06/2021 16:01 - India - Bangalore

Today, the guy we'd offered to hire, who had a 2-month notice period, emailed to say he couldn't come after all, because his employer offered to retain him. In this two-month timeframe, we didn't interview anybody else and now we're in deep shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 521

Sigma grind mindset

By Anonymous - 03/11/2022 02:00

Today, my boss, mentor, and gaming buddy, has officially quit. Turns out even he doesn't get paid enough to deal with this bullshit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 101

Once more with feeling

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 07:59

Today, the pain in my ribs was so bad I thought it’d be a good idea to stick the 24-hour heat patch on my skin to get the best out of the heat. When I removed it, it tore a bunch of my skin off. And I still have rib pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 301

Seize the day

By Anonymous - 17/01/2021 05:01 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I asked my boyfriend what would happen if I didn’t get into the same school as him. He replied, "Then we’ll just break up." We broke up. I still don’t know what school I’m going to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 160

The struggle is real

By Anonymous - 06/07/2022 02:00

Today, after my girlfriend of a year got accidentally pregnant, we were discussing it, and she only just now revealed she thinks vaccines are an evil conspiracy between hospitals and drug companies, and she’s carrying my baby. The next 18 years with this mad woman are not going to go well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 721

Edmund Hillary

By Anonymous - 29/04/2022 16:00 - United States

Today, my sciatica is so bad that my feet feel like they have frostbite, I don't know what to do. Getting older sucks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 91

Grief and lies

By Anonymous - 21/03/2024 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I attended my boyfriend's funeral. His entire family never accepted me and hadn’t spoken to him in 4 years. I had to listen to his brother give the eulogy, and every word out of his mouth about my boyfriend was a lie. They barely knew him, yet I could only sit in the back of the church, alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 94

Misleading

By Anonymous - 25/10/2023 20:00

Today, I dressed up nicely to see the guy that I like and have been talking to for the last 3 months. Just when I thought he was finally going to ask me to be his girlfriend, he told me that he's actually had a girlfriend for 3 years now, but was too afraid to tell me because he really likes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 155

The Sopranos

By Anonymous - 14/11/2022 22:00 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I had been practicing for a solo in a choir I’m in. I finally got it down and was all ready to audition. On audition night, the choir director let me try out, then decided all the sopranos should sing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 131

Not likely in 2020

By Anonymous - 24/10/2020 02:02 - Canada - Windsor

Today, I’m stuck not being able to sleep, because the thought of someone actually caring about me occurred. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 201

Thanks for the support

By Anonymous - 03/06/2023 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I told my family that I'm on probation at work. I help my family out financially, working in a field that they pressured me to pursue. Because they are aggressive, they asked if it was because I fought with someone at work. I told them it was because my boss says I'm too soft. Their response? "He's right." FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 189

By Klaairon - 27/02/2013 15:33 - Brazil - Osasco

Today, during a family dinner with my grandparents, I showed them some pictures. One was a picture of my brother, my boyfriend and me. Apparently, the idea of me having a boyfriend didn’t register with them because they all screamed, “Your brother is gay?!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 49

Ouch

By Aracrifice98 - 03/07/2021 01:59

Today, the day after saying that I'd never broken a bone, I snapped my fibula in half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 144

Can someone just help this person?

By Billie-Jo - 22/03/2021 14:01 - United States - Waldoboro

Today, I got a new smart TV and I can't do anything with it until I log into my Amazon account on it. It won't let me log on. Now I can't use the TV. This is just great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 263

Whatcha wanna know?

By Anonymous - 15/01/2023 22:00 - Germany

Today, during a job interview, I spent an eternity telling them everything about my experience, my character, my passions, and my previous jobs. Next thing I know, the recruiter said, “Now let’s get to the part where you tell us something about yourself!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 148

The Glastonbury experience goes worldwide

By Anonymous - 04/03/2023 02:00

Today, I went to a music festival in an area where the weather is practically sunny all year round, but for this special occasion it rained the whole time, turning the venue into a giant mud pit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 159

Poor doggo

By Anonymous - 05/02/2023 02:00

Today, my boyfriend and I saw someone dump a dog in our neighborhood before driving off. We spent an hour trying to get the dog out of the cold, but couldn't catch it. Temperatures go down to the 30s in 3 days. Hopefully we can catch it by then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 97

It's what he would've wanted

By vinvin2210 - 10/02/2023 04:00

Today, we went to disperse my father's ashes in his favorite lake. My brother was anxious to show off to his new wife, and took us to a fancy resort on the lake. He fell into the lake with my dad's ashes. Nobody laughed when he got out. Oh and as he's a stingy ass, I ended up paying for the trip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 140

Our house, in the middle of our street

By Anonymous - 02/05/2023 18:00 - Australia

Today, I was late for work again because of road workers in front of my house parking me in. This has been going on since February, and will be until August, "Weather permitting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 129

Be the hero

By Anonymous - 02/03/2021 14:01

Today, I learned I will hand my daughter off to a complete stranger in order to provide help during an emergency situation. I don't know whether I feel proud to be someone who steps up in the moment, or mortified and ashamed that I gave my kid to a bystander so easily. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 303

Full house

By Anonymous - 13/08/2022 02:00 - United States - Washington

Today, using the money my mom gave me for my birthday, I bought a new laptop for school. When I went online to register for classes, I found that all the online classes were full and remaining classes didn't qualify for my major. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 247

Needy old man

By Anonymous - 24/05/2023 12:00 - Australia

Today, it's been 3 days since my 95 year-old grandfather got a Vital Call (a big red button to call someone in an emergency). As I live close by, I'm one of the main contacts. I've been called over 6 times, most recently at 1:30 a.m. because he couldn't pull his pants up. He needs to be in a nursing home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 819

You deserved it 109

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The Top

Today, I was given a new responsibility at the law firm where I work. I'm now in charge of punching holes in every single piece of paper to be found in the office, estimated to be in the hundred-thousands. The reason? I finish my daily clerical work too quickly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 382

You deserved it 2 577

Today, I found out that my wife was having sex with my friend. It turned out that my genius cat realized it wasn't me there and attacked his balls, severely cutting them. I now have to kill my cat and pay for his medical bills to sew his balls back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 471

You deserved it 4 172

Today, I got a call from my grandmother saying she locked her keys in the car and I needed to bring her the spares. After an hour bus ride, involving me missing my stop and getting temporarily lost, I arrived and handed her the keys. I brought the wrong ones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 572

You deserved it 31 551

Today, while using my phone camera as a mirror, I managed to broadcast a Facebook Live video of myself applying haemorrhoid cream to my asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 779

You deserved it 1 284

Today, I returned to work after two weeks of vacation without a working phone. While I was gone, a beloved former colleague died, two Court hearings got postponed because nobody could find the proof the documents were sent to the other party, and half the office went on vacation. Oh yeah, and my grandma died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 160

Today, I had to explain to my husband, who lost 250 pounds and has never been healthier, that no, he does not get a pass to sleep around to "make up" for all the sex he missed when he was young and fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 679

You deserved it 176