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    : 320



    Average "alternative medicine" enjoyer

    - 07/11/2025 09:00

    Today, after I unfortunately woke up too early and too quietly at my new-ish boyfriend's place (we've been together for about a month), I walked into his bathroom to discover that he's one of those freaks who drinks his own piss every morning. FML
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    Tense

    Juan - 08/01/2026 15:00

    Today, my wife decided to quit nicotine. I came home to find my Xbox, Playstation, Switch, and PC burning in our fire pit. FML
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    Red flag

    Anonymous - 17/06/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I got turned down by a woman I like because she said a man in his mid 30’s who’s not already married with kids is a major red flag. I would very much like to be married with kids but it’s just never happened. FML
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    Caring is sharing

    No money, honey! - 05/03/2025 16:00 - Philippines - Makati City

    Today, I got a call from the lawyer of my recently deceased neighbor, whom I once cared for. He apparently left me and his second daughter, whom he knows I had a huge crush on when we were kids, a vast amount, but we will only get it after we get married. He had severe dementia, and she's already been married for 15 years. FML
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    Serious business

    Anonymous - 06/11/2025 22:00

    Today, I showed up for a Tinder date. I sat there for 45 minutes, waiting. Finally, I messaged her to ask if she was coming. She replied, “Oh no, I wasn’t serious. You just seemed polite. I didn’t think you’d actually show up.” FML
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    Tidy and neat

    WhatHaveIDone - 21/08/2025 00:00 - Germany

    Today, my neighbour asked me to empty and unplug their fridge while they were on a vacation. I took what I could use and threw away the rest. It looks like I also unknowingly threw away a bottle of spices that were handpicked by her uncle and handmade with love, which her son loves eating too. I feel like a jerk. FML
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    I need my own place

    Anonymous - 05/03/2025 11:00 - United States - Anaheim

    Today, I was finally about to hook up with the girl I’ve been crushing on forever. My piss-drunk roommate burst through my door butt ass naked and yelled, “Party time, bitches!” Now she thinks I’m some perv that tried to rope her into a three-way. I tried to explain and apologize, but she's blocked me. FML
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    Slash and burn

    Anonymous - 04/05/2025 12:00 - United States

    Today, I work for a public radio station and I found out our funding was slashed in the new federal budget. Meanwhile, there’s a military parade planned for the president’s birthday. I guess I’ll start podcasting from my garage then. FML
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    Rico Suave

    eww - 12/06/2025 20:00 - Czechia - Prague

    Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex, but every time he thrust into me, he farted. Loud, smelly, wet farts. After a minute, I shoved him off and demanded he take a dump. After a full five minutes of loud diarrhea, he came back to bed, his ass stinking of sewage. My pussy dried up so fast… FML
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    Friends with unclear benefits

    LizzoGirl - 02/06/2025 14:00 - United States

    Today, the guy who friendzoned me asked me why I’ve been acting distant towards him. I told him that I refuse to give boyfriend benefits to someone who made it clear that we’re just friends any longer. He responded with, “Well, if you weren’t built like Lizzo before her weight loss, I wouldn’t have friendzoned you!” FML
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    Who are you?

    Anonymous - 22/02/2025 05:00 - United States

    Today, I got served with a child support hearing. I've never met the woman suing and the person she’s going after has the same name as me. The court people told me not to worry, but those are famous last words and I know it. FML
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    Party pooped

    Anonymous - 12/04/2025 17:00 - United States

    Today, it was my Sweet Sixteen. Only two of my friends showed up, and they spent the whole night texting their boyfriends. After several failed attempts to do something fun or even get them to talk to me, I got up and left the room, and didn't come back. They didn't notice. FML
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    Runs in the family

    Anonymous - 12/03/2025 04:00 - United States - Anaheim

    Today, my now ex sent his mommy to come get his shit outta my house after we split. I had to physically restrain myself from choking the bitch after she said it was my fault he cheated, and got someone else pregnant, because I “should’ve paid more attention to him.” Fuck her and him. FML
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    Take a break

    Anonymous - 24/07/2025 14:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I visited my brother and found him with his head up his wife’s shirt. Her explanation was he’d had a bad day so she was making it better. It really drove home how shit my marriage is. My wife hasn’t let me touch her in months and wouldn’t care if I’d had a bad day, even if I told her. FML
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    Get on with it

    Fred - 13/10/2025 09:00

    Today, I got home at 6:30 after a 12-hour shift. I sat down on the sofa, and my wife immediately stomped in and said, "Why are you sitting doing nothing? Get up, there's a million things to do." FML
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    Quality real estate location

    Anonymous - 05/05/2025 00:00

    Today, I bought an expensive air purifier to combat potential wildfire smoke. The next day, a freak flood knocked out my power. I sat in the dark, breathing in ash. FML
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    Rage against the machine

    Anonymous - 25/07/2025 15:00 - United States

    Today, I've been working towards a management position at my IT job for 9 years. My boss quit, so I thought, "This is my chance!" Nope, our department got outsourced and now I'm interviewing for my own job on Monday. FML
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    Power shortage

    Anonymous - 03/03/2025 20:00 - United States

    Today, I've worked for the power company for six years. My wife and her family still don't understand that I don't control their power bills, I can't give them a discount, and I can't answer their questions since I don't work in Billing. Every month, it's the same tired arguments. FML
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    Where is it?

    Anonymous - 07/07/2025 02:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, because my brother is a brain-dead moron, he let my ex into my house with his spare key so she could “just grab something.” I am now obsessively checking my entire house because last time she got in she put itching powder on every fabric item. Clothes, beds, carpets, towels, pillows, and rugs. FML
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    It sounds funny I know, but it really is so

    Anonymous - 24/02/2025 08:00

    Today, my dad admitted to dating and getting my stepdaughter pregnant, and they’re very happy. My wife is furious. Meanwhile, my brother pointed out it’s a real life version of the Willie Nelson song. Once the baby is born, our inbred family tree will result in me technically being my own grandad. FML
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    No contact

    Newbrokehome - 06/03/2025 20:00 - United States - Pleasant Hope

    Today, I'm closing on my first house. Everyone's congratulating me, but all I can think about is the impending fallout when I tell my abusive, psychotic mother she's not welcome and the family sides with her. FML
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    Bonkers

    Anonymous - 09/07/2025 05:00 - United States - Owensboro

    Today, my wife had a dream that I cheated on her with a girl from my work named Marie. She told me that she wants me to quit my job and get a new one, just to avoid that from ever actually happening. There is nobody named Marie at my job. FML
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    Corporate stooge

    Anonymous - 29/06/2025 23:00 - United Kingdom

    Today, I had to tell a bald cancer patient that no, having cancer did not entitle her to a 100% discount on coffee. I felt like a douche for saying it, but I work at a well known coffee franchise and I’m not losing my job because someone wants free coffee, no matter how ill they are. FML
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    Hogwatch

    - 05/12/2025 00:00

    Today, I was once again berated by an idiotic parent. I’ve been called a filthy liberal, a groomer, and had my job threatened several times. All of this because I was teaching second graders about pronouns. You know, the part of English grammar that replaces a noun. Nothing political at all. FML
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    Tex Avery moment

    Mustanggt - 07/08/2025 05:00 - United States

    Today, my roommate took my car without permission while I was at work. He downshifted to pass someone, but went from 5th to 2nd gear, and practically most of the engine went straight out of the tailpipe. FML
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    No biggie

    Anonymous - 12/12/2025 12:00

    Today, on a flight, a woman in a crop top reached up to get her bag from the overhead locker and her breasts ended up on top of my head for like a second. Total accident, no biggie. That was six days ago, we fly home tomorrow, and my wife hasn’t spoken a word to me since the breast thing. FML
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    We still good?

    Anonymous - 11/02/2025 03:00 - United States

    Today, I cooked dinner for the girl I've been dating. Everything was going well until I accidentally set off the smoke alarm. The fire department showed up, and my date spent the rest of the evening flirting with one of the firefighters, so I guess we weren't actually dating? FML
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    Horrific misdirection

    Anonymous - 15/03/2025 14:00 - United States - Cedar Rapids

    Today, my brother sent me a dick pic. FML
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    Ticket to ride

    Newny_Newny_Newny - 04/05/2025 02:00 - United States

    Today, after I just finished a 16-hour double shift, my brother asked me to ride with him to do an Instacart. While delivering these people’s groceries, his car overheated and oil light came on. He had no money, so I had to fix and pay for the parts. FML
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    Get out of jail free card

    Anonymous - 29/08/2025 17:00 - United States

    Today, my mom was diagnosed autistic, therefore thinks we aren’t allowed to be mad at her for anything she does from here on out or things she did before. Odd, I didn’t know that beating, neglecting and humiliating your children on a near daily basis was an autistic trait. FML
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    FMyLife FMyLife
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    Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML
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    Today, I eagerly applied for a high-salary, fully supportive graduate program that I qualified for. There were 5 steps in the application process. I was turned down after the first one. FML
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    Today, I was messing around and tried to catch a piece of cereal in my mouth. I accidentally slammed my head on the counter behind my couch. FML
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    Today, it was my first time meeting my fiancé's parents. My future mother-in-law had cooked steak, hearing it was my favourite food. I somehow managed to bite my tongue, and then blurt out "Fuck!" just after she asked me how it was. FML
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    Today, I woke up at 5 am to the voices of my husband, who I gave my blessing to go out last night, and his buddies entering our apartment. They came here because the buddy who had planned to house them had no beer. They are drunk, drinking on our porch, shaving my husband's head. FML
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    Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML
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    © VDM SAS,

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