The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month

The top of the year

Plastered

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Alfreton

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for another guy. Last week, she wrote sweet things like "Love you forever" and "Light of my life" on my arm cast. I have to wait two more weeks until it's taken off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 405

You deserved it 3 971

I bet you're wondering how I ended up here

By Nekro_Kat - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I got caught trying to steal my own cat back from my neighbor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 126

You deserved it 3 961

Keep the change

By hatemylife - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a group of Girl Scouts came to my door selling chocolate bars. I bought two bars and smiled as they left, thinking I'd done a good deed. When the door closed, I heard one of the girls say, "Told you, the fat bitches always wanna buy from us." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 439

You deserved it 7 076

Down in the dumps

By lolographic24 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, it was my turn to take out the trash. While walking to the dumpster, I slip and fall. It doesn't really hurt, so I get up and go to the dumpster, but the top is frozen stuck. It won't budge. Then I really pull with a lot of force, and the lid swings open and busts my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 664

You deserved it 4 216

I spy…

By boyfriend123 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke me up at 5 a.m. because she thought someone was watching her from the park. It was a trash can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 053

You deserved it 3 547

Tie break

By anonymoose - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Australia - Adelaide

Today, in the middle of our one year anniversary dinner, my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend showed up declaring her love for him. They left together and I had to take the bus home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 847

You deserved it 3 418

Encouragement

By shorty - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going through a growth spurt. She said, "Yeah, horizontally." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 070

You deserved it 7 092

The butter up

By brokenhearted - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Ireland - Dublin

Today, my boyfriend sent me so many nice texts that he made me fall in love with him that little bit more. It turns out he was sweetening me up before telling me he cheated on me the night before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 587

You deserved it 2 676

What's her secret?

By Anonymos_fmler - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 174

You deserved it 5 383

Creepy crawlies

By John - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Saint Lucia

Today, I discovered that it is possible for bugs to lay eggs in your ears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 3 086

Vicious bastards

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2020 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Runcorn

Today, I decided to go for a jog to try and get fit. I definitely got my exercise in, because I was mercilessly chased by a goose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 215

You deserved it 253

One big happy family

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Singapore

Today, my grandfather was counting all the grandchildren he had and saying how fortunate he was to have all of us. When I pointed out that he'd forgotten to count me, he turned and said, "You're adopted, you don't count as a real grandchild." FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 822

You deserved it 4 584

Red flag

By me. - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my friend and I gave our numbers to some guys at a bar. Twenty minutes after we had left, we got a call. We excitedly answered the phone, only to hear the guy ask, "So, are you the fat one or the ugly one?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 774

You deserved it 7 473

What are the odds?

By z…… - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I re-joined a popular on-line dating service. I'd first signed up 3 years ago and was matched with a wonderful woman. After about a year, she broke up with me. I was devastated. After two years of trying to win her back, I'd decided it's best just to move on. Guess who they matched me with? FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 865

You deserved it 5 565

Strung out

By bdjsbskl - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I was at work as a cashier. An old lady unbagged everything I had, and angrily "taught" me how to bag. She put potatoes on her eggs and broke them. She then screamed that I was useless and retarded in front of all my other customers and manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 139

You deserved it 2 415

Wishful thinking

By hoolagirl4422 - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - Hong Kong - Kennedy Town

Today, I bumped into a really cute guy I know. I stuttered and floundered, before saying, "Hi, it's me, Megan Thomas." My surname isn't Thomas, but his is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 198

You deserved it 9 567

Little shit

By scotsgal - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 520

You deserved it 5 149

User error

By her0x3her0ine617 - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received my camera in the mail. I had sent it back to the company because it wouldn't turn on. As I was reading the note they put in, it said, "Battery was put in backwards. No other problems found." FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 287

You deserved it 47 387

Bunch of dorks

By leela - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a group of guys came into my restaurant, dressed up in some kind of role-playing game clothing. Apparently I pronounced one of their fake elf names wrong, because the guy complained to my manager, who then bitched me out in front of everyone for upsetting the customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 986

You deserved it 4 903

Get the message

By ryjacs - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received an email from my potential employers at the zoo, saying that they won't be hiring me. This wouldn't be so bad if they didn't keep sending me the same email every two hours to remind me that I am still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 128

You deserved it 2 897

Charming

By FootyFoot - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I texted my mom if she could pick me up from the hospital. She replied, "No fatty, walk home." I have a broken foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 872

You deserved it 3 280

Creepy season is over

By Michael - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found the source of the bad smell that has been plaguing me for the past two weeks in my apartment. The police knocked on my door asking if I've seen my neighbor recently. I haven't. The smell has been that of a dead person. It's a smell that even Febreze can't remove. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 525

You deserved it 5 264

Paranoid

By Jealousbitch - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Mulberry

Today, I had to admit that my jealousy issues were becoming a problem when I almost told my boyfriend not to apply at the local McDonald's, because of the high school girls that would see him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 806

You deserved it 34 279

Biker troubles

By Crotch_Rocket_Rider - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, when approaching a stop light on my motorcycle, I went to extend my left leg as usual to balance when stopped. Apparently my shoelace loop got wrapped around the shift lever and "tied" my shoe to the bike. It's hard to look cool when you fall over for no apparent reason at a stoplight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 965

You deserved it 7 833

Great timing, dude

By misswhiskers - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, it's my birthday. I woke up to a text message from my boyfriend, breaking up with me. When I commented on his impeccably bad timing, he admitted he'd forgotten it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 529

You deserved it 3 447

Red alert

By firefighter - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, in Chem, I was chosen to hold the fire extinguisher just in case something happened while showing how to blow up a dangerous chemical. My teacher told me to spray if anything got out of control. He lit the fire and I freaked out and sprayed it. The entire wing of my school was evacuted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 240

You deserved it 45 741

Where's Daddy?

By Sypha - 28/11/2025 09:00

Today, I took my parents up on their invitation to spend Thanksgiving with them. My 3 year-old daughter refused to get out of the car and insisted on waiting there. When asked why, she said, "I don't like Grandma because she's mean to Daddy!" Not only did my parents hear, we haven't told her he, my husband, passed away 4 months ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 102

You deserved it 586

Awkward

By ChickenBallsPlease - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - King's Lynn

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 813

You deserved it 16 901

Disrespectful to the max

By SorryUncleTommy - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Brooklyn

Today, it was my uncle's funeral. I wasn't very close with him, but I still wanted to be respectful. My boyfriend, being the jackass that he is, was singing the Spider Pig song from The Simpsons under his breath while making his fingers walk up my leg, trying to get under my skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 711

You deserved it 7 163

Paternity test

By that guy - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Atascadero

Today, my girlfriend told her parents that she's pregnant. We have never even come close to having sex, but she told them I'm the father. Not only is my girlfriend cheating on me, but her father now wants me dead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 447

You deserved it 3 225

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Cute Dogs Animals Embarrassing Love Crush Work Vacation Parents Babysitter Kids Holidays Friends Awkward Annoying My ex Gross School NSFW Porn Intimacy Cops Scary Movies Clumsy Pizza Delivery Clothes Ironic

The Top

Today, several coworkers think the operation scar on my wrist is really a failed suicide attempt, because I study design and apparently, "Artists are suicidal, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 404

You deserved it 1 735

Today, my dad remarried, but he didn't want me to come. I'm told he didn't want me to ruin his pictures or make his guests feel uncomfortable, all because I had my leg amputated in April. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 734

You deserved it 1 683

Today, while I was out of the office, I'd left my phone charging inside. My boss informed me that since I am clearly running up her electricity bill, it will be deducted out of my already nearly non existent paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 372

You deserved it 4 391

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 092

You deserved it 8 701

Today, I was supposed to be meeting my daughter's boyfriend, but my wife has locked me in the basement until he leaves, so there’s no chance of me tormenting the boy. Quite wise on her part, I had all kinds of evil ideas, but now I’m locked in here, I’m bored as hell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 2 617

Today, my brother woke me up by hitting me in the face with a rubber dildo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 238