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Slightly intoxicated

By Clare99 - 17/08/2026 03:00 - United Kingdom - Sheffield

Today, drunk, I tried to sneak quietly into my flat at 2 a.m. so I wouldn't wake anyone up. I stepped on the one squeaky floorboard, dropped my keys, kicked my left shoe into a door, and somehow knocked a framed picture off the wall. My flatmate texted me from her bed, “You OK out there?” FM

I agree, your life sucks 90

You deserved it 333

Busted grid

By Tenant - 18/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Quebec

Today, my cat knocked my phone into the bathtub. I grabbed it, dried it, and put it on the charger without thinking. Five minutes later, the bathroom lights went out and my landlord texted me asking why the fuses had tripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 75

You deserved it 370

Sneakin' around

By furry intruder - 19/08/2026 00:00 - United States

Today, my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I'd seen her cat. I helped her search the hallway, basement, and garden for 30 minutes. We finally found it sitting inside my apartment, where I had apparently been living with it for three days without noticing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 136

Judge Judy

By Dominic - 15/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Denver

Today, there's a kindly old lady at my gym who always looks over at me while I'm finishing on the elliptical. I thought she was checking me out. Turns out, since I always end my workout with 5 minutes on it, she thought I came to the gym, did 5 minutes on the elliptical, and left. She wasn't flirting. She was judging me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 228

Powered up

By Super Genius - 17/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Steele

Today, my computer mouse suddenly stopped working. Assuming it had died, I put a new battery in. It still didn't work. After spending several hours trying to understand what problem it could possibly have, I figured out that it helps if you don't put the battery in backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 106

You deserved it 305

Born to die

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 03:00 - India - Bhopal

Today, I found out my lifespan has been reduced by a year just because of where I was born. FML

I agree, your life sucks 249

You deserved it 94

Recovery

By Anonymous - 20/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I am recovering from surgery, so even though my mom could burn cold water, I was forced to let her cook for me. Thanks to her cooking, I’ve now shit my body weight in brown water, and I need her help to get on the toilet. She doesn’t always get me there in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 46

The squits

By Nina - 17/08/2026 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Today, it’s my first full official day with my adoptive dad. To celebrate, he took me out to a fancy restaurant for lunch. Lunch was great. The ride home less so. Let’s just say spicy lunch plus upset stomach equals diarrhea, which makes for a smelly NOT fun ride home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 86

Internalized

By Anonymous - 21/08/2026 00:00 - Brazil - Joinville

Today, I was called a "transphobic bigot" at work because I told my coworker, a trans woman, that her clothing and behaviour were disrespectful and inadequate for the workplace. I'm also a trans woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 254

You deserved it 97

Time to push

By Caden - 15/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Cincinnati

Today, I left the house to DoorDash and remembered that I forgot to get gas last night. I had just enough gasoline to make it to Costco for better prices. It wasn’t until I pulled in that I realized I'd left my wallet at home. I have approximately two miles of gas left. FML

I agree, your life sucks 137

You deserved it 320

Mixed messages

By Barry - 19/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Houston

Today, I learned that my wife lets our son play video games while I'm at work to "keep him out of her hair." We had agreed that he was forbidden from gaming until his grades came up, but apparently she can't be bothered to actually parent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 59

It's never too late

By Ghosted - 21/08/2026 03:00 - Mexico - Tlalpan

Today, a friend replied to my invitation to watch the Silent Hill movie. The invitation was from January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 195

You deserved it 51

Happy birthday, dear…

By Anonymous - 15/08/2026 22:00 - United States - Rockford

Today, while singing "Happy Birthday", my boyfriend's mom said his ex's name instead of mine. Almost everyone at the party got it on video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 326

You deserved it 56

It's not me, it's you

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Suffolk

Today, after I tried to break up with my boyfriend, he said he won't give up on us and asked me to go to therapy. According to him, “You might need medication for how you feel.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 329

You deserved it 69

It's the new fashion statement

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, I was late for work and grabbed what I thought was my black coat from the hallway. Halfway to the bus stop, I noticed it was my roommate's dark bathrobe. I still wore it because going back would've made me even later. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91

You deserved it 283

Shifting the blame

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, at work, I gave ice cream to a kid and apple pie to his dad. The kid decided to grab a literal handful of the dad’s pie which was steaming hot. Cue the kid screaming and the dad yelling at me for not telling his kid that the dessert, that WASN'T HIS, was hot and he shouldn’t touch it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 345

You deserved it 44

Busted

By Anonymous - 21/08/2026 09:00 - Australia - Sydney

Today, at 6 a.m., the cops burst into our home. My husband was slammed to the ground and I had a gun pointed at me. I was naked and eight months pregnant. We had moved in the day before, they were coming to arrest the previous tenant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 301

You deserved it 38

Mom knows best

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, my mom once again told me that I'm too young and immature to get married, and that I don't know what love is. I'm 29, have a successful career, own my own home, and am financially stable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 361

You deserved it 62

Quack

By Anonymous - 17/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I stopped at a park because a duck was following me. I assumed it wanted food, so I gave it a small piece of bread. It followed me to my car, waited beside the door, and then followed me across the parking lot. I may have accidentally adopted a duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 242

You deserved it 127

Raincheck?

By Anonymous - 21/08/2026 12:00 - United States

Today, it was my classmate’s turn to host our study group. Her house was a total nightmare! Every surface was covered in junk, the walls were smeared, and there was a thick layer of trash on the floor. She casually swept crumbs off the couch and motioned for me to sit down. I saw roaches and ran. FML

I agree, your life sucks 204

You deserved it 40

Better sorry than safe

By Dumb bitch (RIP Zeus) - 18/08/2026 00:00 - The Netherlands - Naaldwijk

Today, as I was preparing to clear an overgrown area of our yard, I treated my pants and shoes with permethrin, as ticks are a problem in my area. I told my girlfriend explicitly NOT to let the cat out for the day, as it is deadly to cats. She didn't listen and now I have to dig a grave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 571

You deserved it 91

Ravage me!

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 20:00 - France

Today, wildfires are unfortunately ravaging a place dear to my heart, and displacing people. My family decided to offer accommodation to displaced people. That’s the story of how the man I am secretely in love with ended up sleeping in my bed and me, not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 78

My hobbies include…

By Anonymous - 21/08/2026 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out my husband is addicted to porn. Granted, it's free porn and he has not spent a single dollar on anything (I saw the bank statements), but it's still just tearing my heart apart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60

You deserved it 78

Arm day

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 09:00 - India - Hyderabad

Today, I went out on a second date with this girl, who touched my bicep when I told her I haven't been to the gym since a long time. She asked me to flex it, I did, and it remained the same size. FML

I agree, your life sucks 211

You deserved it 154

Magical mystery tour

By Weird - 18/08/2026 03:00 - United States - Galveston

Today, I opened my fridge and found a single lemon, three sauces, and a 9V battery. I have no idea why the battery was there. I don't remember putting it there. I also don't remember owning anything that requires that particular battery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 221

You deserved it 94

It's never too late

By Anonymous - 19/08/2026 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I wish I'd been a whole hell of a lot sluttier and more adventurous in my 20s. Nowadays my libido has me ready to burst, but my partner not so much. I miss feeling wanted and just letting myself get lost in my own pleasure. FML

I agree, your life sucks 141

You deserved it 77

Sounds like a keeper

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 12:00 - United States - Baltimore

Today, I was trying pillow talk with this guy I met at the bar that night. I’m thinking he’s going to say something cute, but he told me, "One time, I was bored, so I went to a liquor store and robbed an Asian man and put his bag over his head." I just wanted to pillow talk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 127

Step-dog

By Goodbye Old Friend - 21/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Lancaster

Today, I realized that I'm going to miss my mom's boyfriend's dog more than I'm actually going to miss him. The relationship is practically over but I've grown fond of his dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 18

You have been warned

By Anonymous - 16/08/2026 15:00 - United States - Rialto

Today, a woman showed me a copy of my wedding picture with her face photoshopped over mine. I burst into tears and cussed her out for being a creepy bitch. She had proof my husband had sent it to her that way, saying “this is how it should’ve been”. She was just trying to warn me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 77

Do it again

By Not Kevin - 18/08/2026 09:00 - United States - Denver

Today, after I'd ordered a birthday cake with my name written on it, I went to pick it up but the bakery messed up and wrote the name of the person who ordered one right before me. I stood at the party smiling while everyone congratulated “Kevin.” I am not called Kevin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 85

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The Top

Today, while half asleep, I dipped my finger in ketchup instead of a fry, and bit down on it so hard I needed stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 769

You deserved it 7 215

Today, I got a new job and told everyone about it. A few hours later, I got an email from the executive saying I actually don't have the job anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 833

You deserved it 2 745

Today, I asked my students to buy a copy of Anne Frank's diary for an assignment. One of them asked me in all seriousness who wrote it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 233

You deserved it 5 045

Today, I told my husband to tell me his wildest fantasy. He told me it was to put on fake antlers and "do it like deer". FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 937

You deserved it 8 408

Today, I went on a first date. We had the same phone, and we'd put them down next to each other on the table. I get a message and we both look. It’s my period tracker telling me to be careful, because the floodgates are opening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 409

Today, I tried to finish an essay, which is already overdue by 5 days. I know the longer I procrastinate, the longer the pain will last, but my brain is still not working and can't start to write. FML

I agree, your life sucks 496

You deserved it 858