The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

Hangover

By drunkennight - 23/11/2009 03:45 - Canada

Today, I woke up after a night out at the bar, immediately remembering that I had lost my cell phone, my ID, and somehow spent $100. Feeling like shit already, my friend then went on to tell me that I flashed the entire bar, and ran around the hotel naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 007

You deserved it 42 437

By Anonymous - 23/05/2019 02:00

Spicy

Today, I yet again had to explain to my boyfriend how sleeping with another person is cheating. It's been three days, and almost as many fights. He still doesn't get it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 962

You deserved it 858

By jayne_dhoe - 22/11/2009 07:41 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came home drunk and thought it would be funny to spray himself in the face with pepper spray. I was in his drunken firing line too. After him vomiting and being blinded for a few hours, he was fine. I, on the other hand, had a terrible allergic reaction and got rushed to hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 736

You deserved it 5 498

Freaked

By AussieGirl - 21/11/2009 11:40 - Australia

Today, as I put on my pajamas, a large spider ran down my leg. After freaking out, killing it, and recomposing myself, I went to the bathroom. As I sat down to go to the toilet, I looked up to see hundreds of baby spiders hanging over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 213

You deserved it 4 037

By thoughthewasjoking - 15/08/2014 21:10 - United States - Bessemer

Today, while walking to work, I saw a homeless guy with a funny "NEED MONEY 4 BOOZE" sign, so I gave him a few spare dollars for his humor. On my way back home, he was out cold on the sidewalk with several empty bottles beside him. Whoops. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 185

You deserved it 40 173

By Username - 13/08/2011 11:45 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were watching a scary movie. I was starting to get a small headache so he gently brushed my hair. During a scary part he jumped and hit me in the head as hard as he could with the brush. I'm still recovering from the migraine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 679

You deserved it 5 535

By htx91 - 13/12/2016 19:55 - United States - San Antonio

Today, after opening a letter from the VA, I found out that I have to pay back all the money I earned last year in the Army. I just spent $500 on Christmas presents. Payments start in January. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 310

You deserved it 712

By Anonymous - 14/08/2014 04:38 - France

Today, I took part in a raffle that was being organised in the small countryside village where I'm vacationing. I live in big city. I won a duck. A real, live duck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 465

You deserved it 67

Good boy

By Tucker - 18/11/2009 21:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend and I were sitting downstairs with my mom. We heard the dog running around upstairs and called him down. He came running down the stairs with a used condom in his mouth. The same condom my girlfriend and I lost two weeks ago. He put it directly in my mom's hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 504

You deserved it 8 815

By sleepy momma - 02/06/2013 06:06 - United States - Altoona

Today, after buying 3 new alarm clocks, I finally decided to video tape myself all night to figure out if my alarm clock was broken or if I was oversleeping. Turns out I wake up around 4am each day and turn them off without remembering. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 864

You deserved it 6 526

By wrongcolorwrongcreed - 30/05/2019 10:43

Today, I went with my boyfriend of 10 months to rent a car, for which he needed his dad to sign for. To avoid introducing me, he banished me to the nearest airport terminal, and picked me up 45 minutes later, around 11:30 p.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 833

You deserved it 348

By theybitchaboutgnomesbutnotthis?? - 31/05/2013 22:25 - United Kingdom - Exeter

Today, thanks to an idiotic, "hilariously edgy" advert that screened in the very early evening, my 6-year-old son keeps repeating the phrase "I want a vasectomy" to everyone he sees. I've never received so many dirty looks in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 531

You deserved it 4 657

By anonymous - 16/10/2010 15:18 - Canada

Today, I was walking to school. I started running to catch up with my friend. I yelled her name, and she turned around in time to watch me slip on a sheet of ice, fall face first, and pass out. When she ran to my side, I unconsciously peed on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 405

You deserved it 4 316

By Anonymous - 08/08/2011 07:16 - United States

Spicy

Today, I discovered the reason my favorite stick of deodorant hasn't smelled right for the past two weeks. My dad uses it on his butt crack and balls "to clean up the stank". FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 033

You deserved it 4 083

Am I hired?

By Genius - 25/06/2019 14:00

Today, I went to my fifth job interview in a month. While going over my CV, I found a watermark on the bottom of my cover letter that said it was generated by a template website. Yep, I gave all previous interviewers the same cover letter, with the same watermark. Can't wait to hear back! FML

I agree, your life sucks 738

You deserved it 1 951

By RedLust - 14/11/2009 04:23 - Bolivia

Today, I told my wife to block the mail of her ex (because he was sending her romantic mails) or I would leave. She told me that I could leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 143

You deserved it 6 068

RedLust_fml tells us more.

RedLust_fml 7

Saturday 14 November 2009 19:09

First of all I have already left (thanks for the support people), and second of course I discussed with her that that was wrong, and she thought otherwise so I had no other option to give the ultimatum. I f you want to be with me then why do you need your past? And women if you need more romance say something don’t look for it in other places, because if we men need more BJ (Just an example) or whatever you wouldn’t like us to be getting in other place right? Some things are important for some people and other things for others.

By Anonymous - 29/04/2009 22:46 - United States

Today, I was taking the subway to work when I saw a really hot girl. Noticing that she, like me, had a Dunkin' Donuts coffee, I tried to start a conversation by saying, "Is that Double Ds you have there?" She didn't pick up that I was talking about the coffee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 897

You deserved it 97 330

Nice try, loverboy

By Gina - 08/04/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, my date cried because his mom recently died. Of course, I was sympathetic because I'm a nice person, but he tried to leverage my sympathy into a blowjob in the restaurant toilet. Since we "obviously weren't going to work as a real couple", it was apparently "the least I could do to make him feel better." Creep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 515

You deserved it 212

Toxic

By Tiny - 29/07/2014 08:27 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, I had to sit through yet another one of my mom's, "You need to grow and gain some weight!" rants. I'm 22 and she doesn't believe me when I tell her I'm done growing. I'm pretty sure I'm not getting past 5'2". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 931

You deserved it 3 809

Good

By fistpumpin4life - 10/10/2010 00:51 - France

Today, at work, I asked a lady how she was doing. When she replied, I didn't understand her, and instead of asking her what she'd said, I just replied with, "Oh, that's good." What she'd said that I didn't understand was that her husband had just died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 602

You deserved it 33 447

Precious little boy

By stupid older sister - 24/07/2014 21:54 - United States - Saint Charles

Today, I woke up from a nap to find my little brother playing some games on my phone. A few hours later I come to find he had deleted all 500 pictures from my trip to Europe last month. He needed more space to download the games. Mom says he's too young to understand what he did wrong. He's 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 947

You deserved it 5 535

By Username - 02/08/2011 14:52 - United States

Today, I got my eyebrow pierced. By a fish hook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 519

You deserved it 5 116

By mster233 - 09/10/2010 03:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my parents like rough sex. I found the whip and handcuffs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 391

You deserved it 5 852

By Anonymous - 21/07/2014 15:58 - United States - Norwalk

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 637

You deserved it 22 222

By Tireddddddd - 31/07/2011 05:45 - United States

Today, I got back from camp. My camp-mates? A girl who refused to shower the entire week, a girl who threatened to hurt me several times, a snorer, my princess of a sister who took forever in the mornings, and a counselor who watched us sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 565

You deserved it 3 440

Smoking is bad

By ID10t - 10/11/2009 05:24 - United States

Today, I was on my back porch having a cigarette. Not being all that awake yet, I threw the butt, still smoldering, on the ground. Did I remember that there was an ashtray right next to me? No. I did what I would do at work; I stamped it out. Barefoot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 814

You deserved it 53 910

By facepalm - 05/06/2012 14:48 - United Kingdom - Bristol

Today, I received my first negative feedback on my otherwise flawless eBay record. The woman who bought the item said it wasn't as delicious as she was expecting, so there must be something wrong with it. What was I selling? A new and unopened lipstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 572

You deserved it 2 344

By Anonymous - 30/07/2011 02:10 - United States

Today, my 17 year old asked me whether to chew or swallow grapes. I raised this dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 393

You deserved it 18 672

Let it all out

By Username - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff

Today, my four year-old daughter pulled her pants down in the middle of Best Buy. Apparently, you can smell the farts better when they don't have to pass through clothing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 934

You deserved it 5 438

Skin deep

By EffinAhole - 03/10/2010 04:27 - France

Spicy

Today, to spice things up a bit, my wife and I were having sex in our kitchen. She was up on the counter and I moved her over to get in a better position. The stove was still hot from dinner, so now my wife has a burn that looks like a double rainbow on her ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 119

You deserved it 36 998

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Pregnancy Kids Family Money Birthday Cats Animals Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

The Top

Today, I was in the break room with my colleagues and our awful boss. As ever, he was talking trash, convinced that his jokes were actually funny. The window was open, and it was chilly. As he walked by it, I mangled my words and said, "Cedric, could you please shut your mouth?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 683

You deserved it 7 897

Today, I was told off for not holding the door open for a woman behind me at work. Yesterday I was informed that chivalry is offensive to women, as it implies that they are not equal to men. I can't win. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 475

You deserved it 3 969

Today, I hooked up with this man for the first time. He takes his shirt off and has a chestful of black hair. He had his name shaved into it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 092

You deserved it 8 701

Today, I found out that as I get closer to 40, I often need to wipe my arse when I fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 751

You deserved it 646

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 82

Today, while I was visiting my grandfather's grave, a car drove past and hit my car. The damage wouldn’t have been so bad had it not been the same car my grandfather gave me before he died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 423

You deserved it 102