The Top

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By KMAC - 16/03/2010 20:14 - United States

Today, I found out my fiancé is in a long distance relationship with his ex. Not only do we live on the same island, he's also my neighbor and my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 449

You deserved it 3 373

By itsjustwill - 17/01/2013 00:35 - United States - Puyallup

Today, our company's owner's son took over. The first thing he did? Fire me. Why? He said my sales are down. I work in Public Relations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 165

You deserved it 2 166

By a man - 10/04/2011 19:32 - United States

Today, my dog decided to fly through the front door like Superman. All 180lbs of her promptly slammed sideways into the wall, putting a dog-sized hole in the plaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 103

You deserved it 3 896

Jumping to conclusions

By el211 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend ran accidentally head-first into my face and left me with a giant black eye. My mother is convinced I had a seizure in a park somewhere and won't listen when I tell her she's wrong, and everyone else thinks my boyfriend is abusive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 698

You deserved it 2 880

By Fack. - 19/02/2009 00:43 - United States

Today, I told my long-distance girlfriend that I just could not handle the distance and we should just be friends. To which she responded, "What? You thought we were going out? Lol". FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 023

You deserved it 8 668

Free healthcare for all

By Anonymous - 20/07/2021 18:01 - United States

Today, it's gotten to the point where I can't afford my ADD medication anymore. Now, I'm literally too poor to pay attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 125

You deserved it 105

By dannyfanny - 28/08/2009 20:59 - United States

Today, I slipped walking down the stairs. My mom thought I sprained my right ankle. In her haste to get me to the doctor, she grabbed me and accidentally tripped me. I broke my left ankle. The right one was fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 804

You deserved it 2 622

Little shit

By scotsgal - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my 5-year-old nephew to clean up his mess of toys. He responded by kicking my foot. My bandaged foot which was still recovering from my surgery last week. I'm probably going to need another operation to fix the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 520

You deserved it 5 149

Maoism intensifies

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 02:00

Today, like every evening, our place is literally shaking with banging noises from the apartment below. Are they raising ponies down there? Wrecking the furniture? Taking out some walls? No, it's just my landlord's six-year-old. Playing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 156

Just no, MIL

By Anonymous - 17/02/2024 12:00

Today, against my wishes, my wife insisted we let my horrible mother meet her first grandson. This is a woman who refuses to learn basic English, but for the sake of insulting my wife who doesn’t speak Chinese, she still managed to say in English, “Baby so ugly, you do better with next one.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 705

You deserved it 140

By Raaar - 26/08/2009 04:29 - United States

Today, I went to a concert. Knowing these concerts usually include a lot of black lights, I decided to wear a black T-shirt so I wouldn't glow. I was having a good time, but about halfway through I noticed someone pointing to my shoulder. I looked down to see my dandruff glowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 510

You deserved it 17 688

Early learner

By Courtney Micallef - 02/04/2020 08:00

Today, I was teaching my one year-old some new words. He pointed to the picture of a pig and said, "Mama". Guess I better start that diet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 344

Prosecution time

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out my ex-boyfriend posted a video of me going down on him online. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 576

You deserved it 251

By awkword - 31/12/2013 17:47 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, I was dressing in front of my boyfriend. He was looking at me in wonder and I assumed this was a good thing. Then he muttered, "God damn, you're awkwardly shaped." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 054

You deserved it 3 879

By Natalie - 01/04/2011 18:16 - United States

Today, I was out enjoying my daily jog, when out of nowhere, a group of kids in a passing car pelted me with ketchup-filled water balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 085

You deserved it 4 281

By misty_love - 10/03/2010 08:09 - United States

Today, I realized that I can still do the splits. Why? Because I fell down an entire flight of stairs, everyone in the hall saw me land and applauded. Someone even shouted "and she sticks the landing." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 752

You deserved it 3 742

Impressive

By Rachal - 30/01/2012 01:27 - United States

Today, I was standing in the bathroom and farted. It felt like someone stabbed me in the butt. I jumped out of shock, and my head slammed into the mirror. My glasses fell onto the floor and broke. I now need new glasses, a new mirror, and an ice pack for my head. All because I farted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 790

You deserved it 10 933

Deep clean

By Anonymous - 22/08/2009 19:48 - United States

Today, my husband decided to drain his motorcycle oil into an empty bottle of laundry detergent. Also today, I decided to lift a stain out of my white comforter with some detergent I found in the garage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 945

You deserved it 12 430

Olympic kerfuffle

By Stace - 29/07/2021 16:01 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my dad went on a rant about the US Olympics gymnastics team, claiming that it was a disgrace that someone dropped out, and that it was disrespecting "our flag". He's never watched the Olympic games ever, not to mention any gymnastics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 971

You deserved it 157

By GothicbunnyxC - 28/01/2012 23:31 - Canada

Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 669

You deserved it 35 491

By upliftmofo - 28/03/2011 05:56 - Belgium

Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 685

You deserved it 5 988

The language of love

By Paicked - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, my boyfriend told me he loves me. Instead of saying it back, I had a panic attack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 663

You deserved it 17 877

BFF

By imabadperson - 06/03/2010 12:24 - United States

Today, I introduced myself as a sex addict, as a joke, to break the ice while meeting new people. One of my friends took me seriously and said he was a porn addict. He told me how happy he was that he had found someone else who had the same feelings and was so happy he could confide in me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 527

You deserved it 44 568

By Dude - 19/08/2009 10:32 - United States

Today, at WalMart, I saw a guy taping a sign that read "Hide and seek world champs!" over the lost children board. I chased him out of the store, then came back to take it down. As I was trying to remove the sign, a huge crowd began cursing at me and threatening me. They thought I'd made the sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 683

You deserved it 5 044

Generous tipper

By appleville - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a customer at one of my tables left his phone number and a smiley face on the credit card slip. I was completely flattered until I looked at the bottom of the slip and realized that he had left me a $0.26 tip. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 296

You deserved it 3 187

What are you not getting?

By fuck no! - 19/04/2020 23:00

Today, trying to be a little fun and flirty, I asked my husband if he wanted to play strip poker. He replied, "Nah. Not much fun with just two people." Not sure if he’s suggesting swinging or if he's really just that dense to what I wanted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 269

By Anonymous - 29/12/2012 08:25 - United States - Sun Prairie

Today, at the hospital I work at, I had to deliver my best friend's baby. I later found out that my ex boyfriend was the father. Normally this wouldn't faze me, but it did because we broke up last month. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 782

You deserved it 3 127

Smash the patriarchy

By caveman logic - 12/08/2021 06:01

Today, I overheard my niece telling my daughter that a woman’s only real purpose in life is to find a good man and make sure he’s happy. This includes having his babies, cooking his meals, and submitting to him in any way he asks. My sister is a business owner. I have no idea where she got this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 17/08/2009 22:11 - Canada

Today, I asked my aunt to pluck my eyebrows since hers are perfectly done. What I didn't know is she gets hers professionally shaped and she doesn't know how to shape eyebrows. I now look like a surprised Vulcan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 837

You deserved it 22 698

By Anonymous - 15/12/2013 00:48 - Canada

Today, for my 18th birthday my mum gave me a black lace thong. I'm a guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 392

You deserved it 4 177

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The Top

Today, my car was stolen from my driveway. I reported it to the police, the insurance company, and my neighbors, and begged for help via social media. As I walked to catch a bus, I saw my car parked outside my school. I forgot I left it there last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 575

You deserved it 45 761

Today, my car was keyed, while I was still sitting in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 199

You deserved it 6 193

Today, I found out that my Mum has spent the money she's been saving for my wedding on moving house. She called saving for a wedding for me a 'pointless cause' as it's probably never going to happen now. I'm only 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 360

You deserved it 3 824

Today, my 14 year old daughter told me she's pregnant. I work as a public speaker for promoting celibacy and safe sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 259

You deserved it 45 553

Today, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie with my boyfriend. Feeling an intense need to pee, he decided to sacrifice a few minutes of the movie before the highly-anticipated final combat to get some relief. He went through the wrong door, locking himself out. Right until the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 827

You deserved it 1 426

Today, I'm so strapped for cash, I had to send my daughter to play with my neighbor's daughter, both are 5, because she gets fed there. She suddenly came home saying they're not friends anymore, bragging how she hit her and she bled while crying. Why? She bought 2 new toys and gave her one, so they have the same. FML

I agree, your life sucks 302

You deserved it 125