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By Anonymous - 17/05/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, I was showing my new iPhone case to my friends, saying how it was scratchproof, shockproof, and waterproof. I demonstrated it by dropping it on the sidewalk from about 5 feet. It bounced onto the road. Apparently, its not truck-proof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 355

You deserved it 105 125

Lumpy

By CantBlink - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Jersey City

Today, I woke up with a pimple on my eyelid. Not only is it impossible to cover up with makeup, I can't pop it either. Now I'll be spending the rest of the day trying not to blink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 101

You deserved it 2 793

By anonymous - 29/08/2011 18:47 - United States

Today, my mother-in-law told my husband that I cannot stay in her house unless I can bring proof from a doctor that my allergy to cats is not contagious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 548

You deserved it 2 544

Class

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my five year-old daughter came up to me and asked, "Mom, why are we so poor?" I replied, in a sweet motherly tone, "Honey, we're not poor." She then asked, "Then why do you dress like we are poor?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 592

You deserved it 8 382

Nice try

By UncleRory - 16/05/2009 09:13 - United States

Today, I was shopping at a supermarket. As I was about to pay for my items, I noticed the cashier was very cute. Trying to be nice, I smiled. She smiled back and said, "Hello, how are you?" Instead of saying, "I'm good" or, "I'm okay", I said, "I'm gay". FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 338

You deserved it 25 539

The FML Showdown #3!

By Louis - 05/04/2017 21:25

Who's employee of the month?

I agree, your life sucks 497

You deserved it 148

By crop circle galore - 06/09/2014 02:36 - United States

Today, I had to take bus to work, because yesterday my car was hit by a bus. While standing there, I noticed the driver kept looking back at me every now and then. As I went to get off, he looks at me again and says: "Sorry..." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 766

You deserved it 3 223

By Anonymous - 04/07/2012 16:40 - Canada - Charlottetown

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend and sister fooling around in the shower together. Supposedly, she was sleepwalking, and he was trying to wake her up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 773

You deserved it 3 303

By yeaokay - 29/10/2010 05:22 - United States

Today, I had a serious conversation with my dad about my brother and me. It started with, "I love you", and ended with,"You and your brother were mistakes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 157

You deserved it 2 844

By Anonymous - 20/12/2016 12:22

Today, I got promoted to a management position. After work, I went for a drink with my co-manager and a few of our colleagues, where they discussed their plans to take Ecstasy before/during our work Christmas party. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 071

You deserved it 728

Moving

By ssjin93 - 24/11/2009 00:07 - United States

Today, I received two letters, one from my mom, the other from my dad, about how much they missed me with me not being around them. I called my mom, feeling sad. She didn't sound sad at all. She asked me which letter was better. My parents were competing each other which letter would be more moving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 402

You deserved it 2 430

By Anonymous - 11/06/2013 04:12 - Canada - Kingston

Today, as I was walking home, I saw an ambulance pull into my driveway with its sirens blaring. Thinking it could be for my sick father, I started frantically sprinting. I managed to trip on my pant-leg, twisting my ankle in the process. They were just turning around in my driveway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 001

You deserved it 4 735

By apparentlyhesbusy - 23/11/2009 05:09 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of almost a year invited me over to dinner at his house. Before leaving, I called him to let him know I was on my way. Just as he begins to tell me he'll call me back, I hear another girl in the background say, "Why don't you just tell her you're busy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 758

You deserved it 2 887

By Facepalm - 15/08/2011 23:09 - United States

Today, my mom threw out years worth of trophies that I'd put tons of effort into earning. Her reason? They all looked the same to her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 120

You deserved it 2 572

Check this out

By Roger Quimble - 24/05/2019 00:04

Today, after taking a refreshing shower, I found out that due to a newly-built platform, people in the apartment underneath can see right into my bedroom. While I was standing there completely naked, some guy smiled at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 949

You deserved it 268

Symphony

By Anonymous - 06/05/2009 19:17 - United States

Today, I had some pretty bad stomach pain, so I went to the bathroom. After a few minutes, two girls walked in, taking stalls next to me. That's when my farts began to get very large and explosive. Not only did they break into laughter, they waited for me to come out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 520

You deserved it 5 213

By Anonymous - 21/10/2010 10:57 - Australia

Today, I was shaving my left armpit when I cut myself badly. I wondered whether or not it would be safe to shave my right armpit, then reasoned that it couldn’t possibly happen twice. It did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 196

You deserved it 27 978

By NotInMiddleSchool - 20/11/2009 17:24 - United States

Today, as I was yelled at by a middle school teacher in front of 30 6th graders for breaking the rule of "no cell phones in school." Luckily, I escaped being sent to the office after explaining I'm a 21 year old college student doing student teaching observations, not a middle schooler. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 533

You deserved it 5 124

By Anonymous - 23/06/2012 14:59 - Ireland - Cork

Spicy

Today, as a romantic gesture, my boyfriend gifted me an origami vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 714

You deserved it 4 722

By CB - 19/11/2009 01:30 - New Zealand

Today, I have to go to the dentist to get a tooth capped. Why? Because my room mate knows I sleepwalk and thought it would be funny to put a trip wire across the top of the stairs. It worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 070

You deserved it 2 501

By Anonymous - 19/06/2012 03:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was getting dirty with my boyfriend. It was the first time he had fingered anyone, and the only thing he said was, "It feels like the inside of my asshole." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 484

You deserved it 4 645

Give it back

By aliixmaee - 09/08/2011 14:50 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years broke up with me. She took everything, including the kidney I gave her a year ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 069

You deserved it 6 401

By ryuuchild - 09/12/2016 00:07 - United States - Boscobel

Today, I went to the ER for an asthma attack. I left with a UTI and an elevated heart rate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 134

You deserved it 606

ryuuchild tells us more.

ryuuchild 5

Friday 9 December 2016 20:03

OP here. So I went in cause of the asthma attack and due to the treatments they gave me my heart rate was up to 130 to 150 and would not go down. The Doctor ordered an EKG and a blood and urine test to see if it showed anything. All that cameback w as that I had a UTI. I hadnt even started showing signs of a UTI so go figure right. Feeling much better and my heart rate was down this morning. Thanks for all the laughs made my day.

By ahddib - 14/10/2010 02:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 242

You deserved it 10 382

By Rosie - 13/06/2012 16:07 - Germany - Wesel

Spicy

Today, I woke up to the sight of my boyfriend playing a game on my iPhone with his penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 419

You deserved it 5 256

Catch 22

By kattydoo07 - 29/04/2009 05:06 - United States

Today, I found out I have a restraining order against me from my ex boyfriend. Apparently, I drive by his house too much and it is considered stalking. He forgot that I live 2 houses down, and MUST drive by his house to get home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 837

You deserved it 4 229

By sleekRelease - 11/06/2019 04:00

Today, I was expecting an important delivery for a party I'm having tonight. I was in the shower when the doorbell rang. In my haste, I slipped and ended up with a bunch of little cuts and bruises. Turns out, it was someone trying to leave a note saying it would be delivered tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 763

You deserved it 198

By shewhopoopsinlitterboxes - 25/07/2014 15:54 - United States - Downingtown

Today, there are people working in my bathroom. I have the shits. The only place I could think to go was in my cats litter box. I've used it twice and am now contemplating using it a third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 994

You deserved it 7 670

Partytime! Yay!

By theonlychildd1 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, a friend from work threw a party. We each had to dress up as a deceased celebrity. I thought it'd be a perfect time to dress up as Marilyn Monroe. When I arrived to the party, my boss said, "But… Rosie O'Donnell isn't dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 057

You deserved it 6 819

By silentbutdeadly - 27/04/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, I was watching a movie with my boyfriend. His dog, Baxter, has a bad farting problem. I decided it would be okay to let a silent fart out and blame the dog. Baxter was outside when I blamed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 003

You deserved it 77 651

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Today, I finally finished a gruelling shift at the hospital. I hadn't slept in over 30 hours, so I was happy to get out. I was quickly rushed back in after I collapsed in the parking lot and cracked my head open. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 605

You deserved it 1 171

Today, I found out my best friend has been stealing hundreds of dollars from me and my fiancé. My wedding is tomorrow morning. Guess who my best man is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 713

You deserved it 2 851

Today, while at the gym, my boyfriend wouldn't stop texting me. I was confident enough to text while on the treadmill. Bad idea: I hit myself on the bar and tripped in front of everyone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 39 551

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 373

You deserved it 4 662

Today, I installed high performance brakes on my car after fearing that my old brake system was to weak and I could get into a crash. On the test drive a car in front of me stopped short. My new brakes worked, the ones on the car behind me didn't. I now have whiplash and a totalled car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 567

You deserved it 3 550

Today, it's day one of my suspension and probably being fired from my job. Why? I accidentally took a beer out my bag instead of a soda, then got distracted working to make sure everything got done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 116

You deserved it 616