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By Kelly1995 - 21/03/2016 20:20 - United States - Pompey

Today, I was in the gym waiting for my boyfriend while he played racquetball. I had to listen to old men talk about their prostates for 15 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 500

You deserved it 2 954

Kelly1995_fml tells us more.

Kelly1995_fml 8

Thursday 24 March 2016 2:19

Just for everyone's information I couldn't go outside because it was too cold It was hard not to hear them when they were very loud old men It didn't disgust me because it's the human body but I more of had to try not to laugh listening to them all causally talk about their prostates and comparing them like they were toys So please stop being butt hurt about this I made this FML to share a funny experience at the gym. Thanks :)

By toe - 03/02/2015 03:14 - United States - Sullivan

Today, I stole my brother's fuzzy slippers for the day as I usually do. Too bad he had been anticipating this and had left a mouse trap in one of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 585

You deserved it 45 145

Detained

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, I found out that if a cop asks you if you have any weapons, and you reply by saying, "Only these guns!" while flexing your biceps, they won't take it very well. Neither will the cops down at the station. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 074

You deserved it 51 126

Yummy

By Nawel - This FML is from back in 2008 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I helped myself to a piece of a cake brought by guests at a birthday party. I didn't like it much so I discreetly attempted to give it to the girl next to me. I asked her, "Do you want some? It's sort of disgusting." She replied, "Thanks, I made it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 223

You deserved it 36 105

What happened here?

By Lisa - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I came home from my vacation. My sister had been taking care of my dog and my apartment while I was away. As I walked in, I was greeted by a floor covered in poop and a destroyed couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 045

You deserved it 341

By JiggaJayZ - 29/10/2012 18:10 - United States

Today, I jokingly asked my girlfriend what she got me for my half birthday, to which she replied "A baby." She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 686

You deserved it 29 216

JiggaJayZ tells us more.

JiggaJayZ 16

Tuesday 30 October 2012 1:06

Nope she's prego. Broken condom. And we even took a morning after and that didn't work so yeah FML

By singleasapringle - 13/03/2016 06:41 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I went back to my high school for an event with some of my friends, both of which are in relationships. Whilst there we saw our favorite teacher, who hugged us and said, "I heard you have a boyfriend! And so do you!" And then she turned to me and said, "And... And you're doing great things!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 985

You deserved it 1 863

By bgoodwin07 - 29/11/2011 13:31 - United States

Today, I found out my dad has been sending dirty text messages to my mom. Which wouldn't be a problem except they're divorced and my dad is remarried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 056

You deserved it 2 884

Wild night

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Norway

Today, I woke up with a hangover. I had a party last night. Besides a stolen TV, someone seemingly decided to take a dump in my piano. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 760

You deserved it 30 578

By Caution - 02/10/2018 22:00

Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 217

You deserved it 602

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 16/11/2021 05:00

Today, my husband waited until our honeymoon to reveal his scat fetish, because he didn’t want me to think he was too weird to marry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 899

You deserved it 182

By TypeOhNegative - 23/10/2012 03:18 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, and I asked him to call me something sweet. He called me Honey Boo Boo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 928

You deserved it 8 369

TypeOhNegative tells us more.

TypeOhNegative 2

Sunday 4 November 2012 19:58

Hello. I'm the original poster. My boyfriend and I saw Honey Boo Boo for the first time the night before. He had it stuck in head and he just blurted it out. I laughed, he laughed too, and it's just a funny story to tell people. We're not fans of Honey Boo Boo, FYI. To get revenge, I tell him he has the sex appeal of Mitt Romney's voice, haha.

It's all in the timing

By laststand11 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff

Today, my mom used, "Happy Thanksgiving break" and, "We sold your car" in the same sentence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 062

You deserved it 2 503

Leg day

By humiliated - 14/01/2011 16:28 - United Kingdom

Today, a friend asked me to come with her to the art building at school so I could pose in the stance of a figure she was drawing for her exam. I obliged and sat for the pose. When the art teacher walked by, she looked at me, then at the sketch, pointed to the legs, and said, "Make them fatter". FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 956

You deserved it 4 365

By embareassed - 20/01/2010 05:27 - United States

Today, I was riding my dorm elevator from the 5th floor to the 1st by myself. Since the elevator is really slow, I pulled my pants and underwear down just for kicks. Just then, the door opened to let a girl on at the 4th floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 696

You deserved it 86 041

One way or another

By embarrassed - 08/10/2012 09:12 - Australia - Morphett Vale

Today, despite having a mild case of the flu, I visited my boyfriend's house and watched a movie with his parents. During the movie, I felt the sudden urge to sneeze. Trying to hold it in, I managed to do the loudest fart I've ever done in my life. Everyone heard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 022

You deserved it 6 145

By NosChersVoisins - 01/07/2014 04:55 - France - Bordeaux

Today, it's my birthday. My next-door neighbours gave me a stool and some rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 216

You deserved it 5 943

By soapisyourfriend - 16/02/2016 06:53 - United States - Ashland

Today, cable was installed at my house and the cable guy smelled like some horrid mix of cabbage and cheese. I'm pregnant and suffering from morning sickness. I've sprayed air freshener, lit candles, and opened windows despite the cold outside. I can't get rid of the smell. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 931

You deserved it 1 431

By R281780 - 14/02/2016 15:53 - United States - San Jose

Today, my girlfriend is locked in the bathroom crying because I didn't buy her anything for Valentine's Day, even though Friday, at her suggestion, we agreed not to exchange gifts because both of our birthdays are a week away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 463

You deserved it 4 178

You big fanny

By Anonymous - 30/09/2012 17:57 - Germany - Hagen

Today, I was babysitting a six year old girl, when I saw a huge spider on the wall. I screamed and told her to stay back. Instead, she walked up to the spider, squished it, and told me to stop being such a baby. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 438

You deserved it 31 318

By sigh... - 25/06/2010 06:44 - United States

Today, after several hours of trying to get my triplet daughters to go to bed, they finally fell asleep. Exhausted, I went to the bathroom so I could go to bed. Not thinking about it, I dropped the toilet seat down rather loudly and flushed the toilet. All three girls woke up crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 632

You deserved it 27 525

Get out

By Anonymous - 23/09/2020 14:01 - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to break up with me again, and actually offered me gas money so that I would leave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 2 056

By CD. - 11/01/2010 00:24 - United States

Today, my mom explained the benefits of douching to me with my boyfriend right there. He began arguing with her about how the vagina is usually self-cleaning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 139

You deserved it 2 621

By SadDad - 22/09/2012 18:11 - United States - Alexandria

Today, I came home to find my eight-year-old son had basically set fire to the kitchen, after trying to practice some kind of stupid shit he'd seen on TV called "fire bending." FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 405

You deserved it 9 828

Kiss from a rose

By sealy - 28/12/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 109

You deserved it 7 884

By Anonymous - 04/12/2014 19:33 - United States

Today, on a dimly lit red eye flight, I woke up to see my mom's head bobbing up and down in my dad's lap. I guess giving out stealthy blow jobs next to your sleeping son is no big deal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 668

You deserved it 3 324

WMD FML

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Netherlands

Today, I used the restrooms at the shopping mall. The cleaning lady stepped in after me, immediately turned around and very demonstratively started spraying air freshener. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 662

You deserved it 6 767

By ShamedJP - 03/04/2009 22:05 - United States

Today, I saw a very attractive female police officer while at the DMV. Thinking myself suave, I asked her: "Is it sexual harassment if I tell you how beautiful I think you are, and ask for your phone number?" Apparently it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 254

You deserved it 86 574

Army dudes

By Anonymous - 02/12/2014 17:39 - United States - Glendale

Today, I received a package from my deployed husband. It contained a scarf, a letter, and a bag full of his pubes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 378

You deserved it 4 222

Odd rejection

By Anonymous - 20/06/2009 00:28 - United States

Today, I found a note on my door that said, "You're the sexiest person I've ever stalked." Later, I found another note that said, "Sorry, that was meant for your roommate. You aren't my type." Not even a creepy stalker thinks I'm attractive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 992

You deserved it 3 920

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The Top

Today, I saw my boss heading my way at work. He has a "no food in the office" policy, so I quickly scarfed down my Pop-Tart. I ended up choking on it so hard that I threw up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 766

You deserved it 19 757

Today, I discovered that last night, my son snuck downstairs at 3am, drank two glasses of my very expensive wine, threw up on his bed, and then slept in his own vomit. My son is 14. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 576

You deserved it 6 210

Today, my girlfriend and I are so close that we both describe our poops in detail to each other. I'm not sure if that's a good or bad thing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 800

You deserved it 1 316

Today, I seriously considered writing in SCP-106 for president. I hate both candidates so much, I would willingly take President Radical Larry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 434

You deserved it 804

Today, my teen son's ADHD is so bad that he wandered off WITH my car key and WITHOUT his phone, so I had to get a lift to our family event. When we got back, he was sat watching TV and asked me where I’d been all day. It took everything I had not to scream in his face, "YOUR SISTER'S FUCKING WEDDING!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 909

You deserved it 204

Today, in desperate need of a shit, I quickly ran into a shop to buy toilet paper. I rushed home and unleashed, only to realise I'd bought paper towels. Without options, I had to wipe my ass with them and consequently blocked the toilet. I found rolls of toilet paper while looking for the plunger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 198

You deserved it 697