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Tension

By Anonymous - 06/04/2011 11:47 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 003

You deserved it 5 481

By pmony - 02/02/2012 02:48 - United States

Today, I got stuck in a revolving door. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 376

You deserved it 9 727

By isoheartcaitlin - 25/08/2009 03:34 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were cuddling after getting it on a few times. He holds my face in his hands, looks deep into my eyes and says "I smell chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 398

You deserved it 6 169

By ConfusedDad - 29/12/2013 07:01 - United States

Today, I went to my bedroom for some alone time while my daughter watched TV. I didn't realize that my iPad was still connected to the Apple TV, until I hit play on some porn and heard a scream from the other room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 540

You deserved it 59 152

By Hamden824 - 25/05/2016 20:04 - United States - Lakeland

Today, I felt an itch on my neck. naturally, I scratched it. After about 5 minutes of scratching, I realized that I've been scratching a dead fly on the back of my neck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 325

You deserved it 1 243

Hamden824 tells us more.

Hamden824 23

Thursday 26 May 2016 16:38

Hey guys! OP here. So happy this got published! And to clear this up, the fly felt like a bump, that's why I kept scratching. Love your comments though! Keep them coming!

Rod Stewart was wrong

By WTF Lady? - 08/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was walking down my street when a girl came up behind me and started yelling about me being a slut. When she saw I was the wrong person, she continued to yell at me because I have blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 176

By anony - 24/05/2016 12:57 - New Zealand - East Tamaki

Today, my boyfriend's mum begged me to stay with my boyfriend because she says I'm the only one who can actually get him through college and into a decent job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 738

You deserved it 1 042

By N - 20/05/2016 20:22 - United States - Glenwood Springs

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 641

You deserved it 1 130

By the customer is always a cunt - 20/12/2013 21:48 - United States - Sarasota

Today, a guy came into the small coffee shop I work at, and got angry because I wouldn't accept his Starbucks gift card as valid payment. When I told him we clearly aren't a Starbucks, he said "It's all the same shit" and ended up throwing a punch at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 257

You deserved it 3 160

By RequilaRainbow - 26/01/2012 07:34 - Canada

Today, while waiting outside a liquor store for my boyfriend, a drunk guy leaned over my shoulder, took a large bite out of my burger, and walked away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 720

You deserved it 4 340

By Anonymous - 30/12/2012 06:29 - Canada - Calgary

Today, at a restaurant, I happily watched as my boyfriend of three years got down on his knees and proposed to me. Before I could say yes and hug him, a girl flung herself at him, kissed him and shouted, "Yes!" With us still highly confused, she then ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 760

You deserved it 3 939

Is this a joke?

By phantomdriver - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, my cab driver told me about the time he tried to commit suicide by driving off a bridge… while we were crossing a river. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 625

You deserved it 3 691

Great, I guess

By Anonymous - 14/12/2013 07:24 - Canada - Milton

Today, I told my boyfriend I was pregnant. He seemed thrilled, and went to buy some wine to celebrate. He left 11 hours ago and won't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 500

You deserved it 8 008

By anonymous - 19/03/2011 10:32 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that when I orgasm, my increased heart rate causes me to pass out. I also found out my boyfriend doesn't stop when I'm unconscious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 337

You deserved it 8 532

By IntimidatorStag - 06/02/2009 23:54 - United States

Today, I gave my girlfriend some non-alcoholic beer as a joke. In slurred speech, she told me I have the body of a monk seal. She then took my keys, staggered to my car, and drove away. She crashed into a tree two blocks later. She's fine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 358

You deserved it 30 595

Shit!

By SingleSara. - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I found out my sister has a new boyfriend. That would have been helpful to know three hours ago, before I told her boyfriend, who is also my best friend, that I loved him. His response? "HAHAHA! Good one! Oh Seriously? Shit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 477

You deserved it 3 541

Trash

By GuiltByTenuousAssociation - 01/03/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, I parked and noticed a car that was identical to mine across from me. I thought it was an amusing coincidence until I came back to find both cars trashed. At least the vandal realized their mistake and left a note saying, "You deserve it for having the same car as that cheater, asshole!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 449

You deserved it 2 853

By Anonymous - 14/07/2018 15:00

Today, the man I've been dating for four months said he could see I had feelings for him, and he was mad because it made things complicated. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 518

You deserved it 342

By Worthless Waste of Skin Who Hates Himself - 30/04/2016 12:59 - Georgia - Tbilisi

Today, I finally got the courage to talk to this coworker I like and ask her out for a coffee next door. She was dismissive, cold and rude, and filed a complaint with HR. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 614

You deserved it 2 301

By Drew - 26/04/2016 02:21 - United States - Newark

Today, at school, I wore a back brace because I have fractured vertebrae. During first period, a girl tapped me on the back to ask me a question. It made a "knocking on wood" sound. She looked at me like I was a freak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 328

You deserved it 1 185

By noneoftheabove - 28/01/2009 05:21 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to buy some Ibuprofen and got asked for ID. You have to be over 16 to buy it. I'm 25. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 556

You deserved it 3 028

By WTFFAIL - 03/12/2012 05:06 - Canada - Montreal

Today, while getting a hernia exam, I accidentally ran my fingers through my doctor's hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 587

You deserved it 9 015

What?

By Richard - 07/08/2018 18:30

Today, my friends and I were kicked out of a Red Robin after the manager told us that our server accused us of making "sexually suggestive gestures" towards her. The gesture in question was the circle game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 132

You deserved it 1 512

By Anonymous - 28/12/2011 05:26 - United States

Today, my girlfriend woke up in the middle of the night, crying. When I asked her why, she said that she had a dream where we were getting married. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 774

You deserved it 3 606

By my first job - 06/04/2016 20:02 - Canada - Westerose

Today, after working for 12 hours in the cold rain on muddy terrain, my coordinator drove down a hill and didn't come back. I was stuck in the middle of nowhere, forced to walk two hours uphill back to HQ to find him there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 193

You deserved it 1 177

By Anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again, but I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out." My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 403

You deserved it 4 782

By Oh - 22/03/2016 22:36 - United States - Winterville

Today, I wrote my girlfriend a song. She wrote me a 13-page letter on why we should break up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 037

You deserved it 2 211

By creedonfied - 06/11/2012 20:27 - United States - Billerica

Today, I was playing with my cat. I tried to put him on my stomach, but he refused to stay put. Ever since I lost weight, he won't lay with me or purr. I think my fat was the only thing he liked about me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 334

You deserved it 3 000

Are you doing OK?

By Anonymous - 17/03/2016 13:21 - Netherlands - Ottersum

Today, I got a heads-up that my boss suffered a death in the family, but was coming into work anyway. I thought he'd be depressed, but it seems he deals with grief with anger instead. I found that out when he yelled at me, threatening to rip my spine out my ass over a typo I made in a report. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 933

You deserved it 1 409

Get used to it

By Anonymous - 13/01/2023 06:00

Today, my dad farted loudly at the dinner table, mom called him a disgrace of a human being, dad called her an uptight cow, she slapped him, and 10 minutes later they were upstairs having sex. This isn’t even that unusual, this is just Wednesday night dinner time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 688

You deserved it 213

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The Top

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a second degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 308

You deserved it 1 250

Today, I came home to visit my family for spring break, only to realize that I'd left my phone in my apartment. After a 2 hour drive back, I discovered my boyfriend with my neighbor. He panicked and pretended to be sleepwalking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 805

You deserved it 4 091

Today, I had to put one of my preschool students in timeout for masturbating during nap time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 208

You deserved it 4 128

Today, my mom and siblings got into a fight. Being generally quiet and non-confrontational, I stayed out of it. Shortly thereafter, I was yelled at by my mother for being "ungrateful" and "disrespectful." I still don't know what I did wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 669

You deserved it 2 557

Today, I discovered my boyfriend has a thing for pregnant women. I'm not pregnant though, my roommate is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 323

You deserved it 3 573

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 715

You deserved it 47 509