The Top

Hey everyone! OP here. Just registered my account.Thank you so much for your comments.. Yes I know it's good that they care... but it also was quite embarassing... As to better handcuffs, I've learnt my lesson.. No more cheap deals from ebay!

By Anonymous - 24/02/2012 08:40 - United States

Today, I gave myself a hernia while farting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 942

You deserved it 7 354

By Elgrin - 17/06/2016 18:03 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, I woke up to something crawling on my leg. Thinking it might be a spider, I jumped out frantically to check. The good news: it's not a spider. The bad news: it's a bedbug. My apartment was just treated for them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 901

You deserved it 1 442

Go forth and NOT multiply

By MirandaKristine - 06/03/2020 12:31 - United States - Miami

Today, my dad handed me my refilled birth control prescription. I thanked him, and he replied, "Well, God forbid you run out and reproduce." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 399

You deserved it 350

By Anonymous - 20/04/2011 02:21 - United States

Today, my cat took a shit in my toaster. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 622

You deserved it 8 672

Caturday surprise!

By keeperstride - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I tried to wash my cat in the shower, conveniently naked myself. He disapproved, scratching my man-parts and nicking a vein. I just got back from the hospital with an infection, swollen nuts, and a hole in my butt for which I had to get a shot of antibiotics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 830

You deserved it 72 220

By cieee - 13/02/2012 07:09 - United States

Today, I got a text from my mom saying, "I heard the cupcake store got robbed. Where are you?" Then she texted back, "Oh never mind, they wanted money, not cupcakes. It wasn't you." Very funny, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 945

You deserved it 5 081

By Anonymous - 10/06/2016 17:02 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to take a drug test for my new job, which I desperately need and which took me over a year to land. I got a shy bladder and couldn't pee. They marked me as non-compliant and revoked the job offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 744

You deserved it 1 325

No

By grlks - 19/02/2009 07:08 - United States

Today, I told a girl that I liked her. She replied, "Don't." FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 127

You deserved it 5 895

By Hatemyjobbb - 01/05/2018 19:00

Today, my boss had me walk a mile to the nearest store to get food for a party because she didn't want to lose her parking space at work. Her shopping list had two gallons of juice and a 10lb bag of ice... I had my legs and arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 961

You deserved it 411

Named and shamed

By unwanted - 01/04/2020 05:00 - Canada

Today, I discovered that my cool, unique first name translates to "unwanted" in Hindi. Both my parents studied abroad in India for five years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 245

You deserved it 166

By Anonymous - 14/05/2016 20:16 - United States - Dearborn

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 544

You deserved it 1 509

By Anonymous - 15/08/2009 23:42 - United States

Today, at a family gathering, my aunt asked me when I was planning to have children. I'm only 16, I laughed and said not for a while, definitely not until I get married. My family shook their heads, and ignored me for the rest of the day. Apparently, teenage pregnancy is valued in my family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 245

You deserved it 3 285

Money for nothing

By Broke Bitch - 05/05/2016 21:48 - United States - Albertville

Today, I went to buy some frozen yogurt. I filled up a cup and the cashier rung it up. The total price was $6.92. I only had $5 in my wallet. So I gave her the $5 bill and went to my car to get more money. Little did I know, there was no money in my car. So I drove off. Leaving the $5 behind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 971

You deserved it 13 051

By anonymous - 13/01/2012 05:05 - Canada

Today, I sold my Xbox and Kinect to a guy. I forgot that sometimes I'd play Dance Central naked, and the Kinect would make videos. This guy now has videos of me, naked, badly dancing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 316

You deserved it 52 257

By ThatOneGirl646 - 12/01/2012 00:49 - United States

Today, my mother threatened me if I keep wearing yoga pants to school, she's going to have my dad pick me up in a speedo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 902

You deserved it 49 569

Big up retail workers

By Anonymous - 22/05/2020 14:00

Today, an old guy got nose to nose with me, threatened me, and spit in my face, just because I politely reminded him he needed to be wearing a mask. He had been coughing on multiple food items in my store. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 975

You deserved it 180

By frustrated - 05/08/2009 20:30 - Ireland

Today, my brother deleted all traces of the novel I've been working on for three years from my laptop. The reason? When I was born I "stole all of Mum and Dad's attention." He's 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 68 800

You deserved it 5 743

It's out there

By anonymous - 03/09/2021 20:00

Today, my boyfriend showed me a video on his phone that he'd recorded of us having sex. Furious, I asked him if he'd ever shown it to anyone. His response was, "No, not really, I mean… My roommate walked in on me watching it. Oh, and my dad wanted to know how our relationship was going, I was drunk…" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 765

You deserved it 190

Relationships sink

By BS2280 - 09/06/2020 23:00

Today, my wife told me that she isn't in a place where she can have a physical relationship, that if I want us to have a physical relationship then we need to start from the bottom up, and work on building a friendship. I'm like, we've been married 15 years, and we're not even friends? FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 220

You deserved it 555

Sharing is caring

By Anonymous - 24/06/2020 20:08

Today, when he came back to bed, I asked my flatmate who I've been sleeping since the start of lockdown, whether he had washed his hands after going to pee. He said he barely touched his dick, so he didn't need to. He likes putting his fingers in my mouth when we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 698

You deserved it 716

Zapped

By Anonymous - 06/04/2016 17:48 - United States - Wittmann

Today, I'm on vacation and stupidly bought the cheapest sunblock I could find. Instead of protecting my skin, the sunblock acted as a damn lightning rod for the sun, and I now look like I just spent a few hours on a spit-roast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 557

You deserved it 8 709

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Wake up Messy DIY Embarrassing Awkward Love Cute Cheating Kids Pregnancy Family Money Birthday Animals Cats Kittens Dogs Parenting Crush Work Painful Sports Vacation Parents Babysitter AITA Holidays Friends Annoying

The Top

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 437

You deserved it 3 986

Today, I was leaving work when I realized I had forgotten my bag on my desk. As I went back to get it, I overheard my co-workers talking about "last night's office party." I wasn't invited. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 330

You deserved it 4 857

Today, I had to perform with my orchestra at an event. I hadn't eaten at all because I had to get my blood sugar tested. During the middle of a song, I passed out. No one helped me and no one stopped playing, "because the song wasn't over and they didn't want to ruin the performance." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 753

You deserved it 6 284

Today, my mother told me I'm forbidden from hanging out with one of my friends. This happened after she was with us in a parking lot, and one of mom's smartass coworkers blasted his horn at us from a parked car to jolt us. My friend had a screaming breakdown; she has PTSD from losing her dad and sister in a car crash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 674

You deserved it 170

Today, my dad, who never supported us growing up, and who calls once a month to collect his monthly living expenses, gave me an ultimatum: either buy him a plane ticket so that he can come live with me forever (he's a raging alcoholic) OR to send him $4,500 US Dollars (which where he lives is someone's 6 month salary). FML

I agree, your life sucks 607

You deserved it 137

Today, I was transferring video from my camera to my laptop so I could start editing my film project. My wife’s badly behaved dog decided to barrel through my office, knocking everything over. Screen shattered, camera broken, video files corrupted due to the cable coming out mid-transfer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 105