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By Brayden - 10/01/2016 03:27 - Australia - Crib Point

Today, the person I was driving behind put their car in reverse and backed straight into me. I was then yelled at and told, "I had my reversing lights on! Why didn't you move?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 338

You deserved it 1 781

By NoBalls - 12/06/2009 00:23 - United States

Today, my car was in the shop so I borrowed my wife's VW Beetle convertible. It's really embarrassing because it's a girlie car and it's full of little stuffed animals. At a stop light a man asked me if I'd like to borrow one of his testicles because "every man should have at least one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 105 399

You deserved it 22 511

Look out!

By Danger. Hard Hat Area. - This FML is from back in 2017 but it's good stuff - United States - Philadelphia

Today, while walking past a construction site on my way to class, a hard hat fell off a roof and hit me on the head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 966

You deserved it 582

By ihateveganism - 22/08/2012 04:19 - United States - Barrington

Spicy

Today, my vegan girlfriend refused to give me a blowjob because, apparently, blowjobs aren't vegan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 359

You deserved it 10 032

Broom time

By juel - 20/02/2022 04:00

Today, after a particularly nasty bout of diarrhea, I somehow managed to get poop on the ceiling. I still don’t know how it ended up there, and I’m too short to reach it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 180

By aswamk - 19/12/2015 05:01 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, my constant constipation has become a running joke in my family; I heard my mom tell my dad that if he wants to keep his Christmas presents safe, he should ask me to eat them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 001

You deserved it 1 719

Get me out of this shithole

By nothing is sacred - 23/02/2017 18:00 - United States - Reynoldsburg

Today, I caught my mom using my toothbrush and washcloth again, despite her having both her own bathroom and supplies. I asked her to please not use mine, to which she called me an ungrateful bitch. My dad agreed. Yet they wonder why I've been desperately saving money to move out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 592

You deserved it 505

By neverleavingthehouseagain - 08/12/2015 23:08 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my ex, for whom I still have feelings, introduced me to his new girlfriend. To make things "less awkward," he invited a mutual friend of ours. However, the last time I'd seen this friend, it was a week after my ex and I had broke up, and we hooked up. Awkward doesn't cover it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 778

You deserved it 5 570

By AlwaysTired - 28/11/2015 03:21 - United States - San Carlos

Today, I was officially diagnosed with OCD. My mother's reaction? "That's not possible, she's a fucking slob." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 395

You deserved it 2 607

I miss the hungry years…

By Anonymous - 18/04/2017 12:00

Today, my cat let a mouse sit on his paws for several minutes, then just sat and watched as it scurried into a crack in the drywall. My cat is only 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 944

You deserved it 362

Cheeky

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend got mugged. I found out because the mugger had the courtesy to ring me, after I texted several times asking where he was, to say, "He won't reply. He got robbed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 108

You deserved it 3 223

#MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

By a816090 - 15/05/2019 04:30

Today, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have no idea if when I feel an emotion if it's me or my disorder. I'm my brain's bitch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 817

You deserved it 189

By Emmz91 - 28/05/2019 07:53

Today, I counted how many medications I'm on: 14. I'm waiting to see another specialist who might put me on 2 more. I'm currently on more medications than my grandmother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 098

You deserved it 204

Emmz91 tells us more.

Emmz91 30

Friday 24 May 2019 9:57

By the way, I'm 27.

We're bad at this

By Anonymous - 12/08/2014 20:24 - United States - Chandler

Spicy

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 571

You deserved it 12 084

By badtasteinmen - 15/10/2015 18:19 - United States - Beaverton

Today, I finally got the courage to leave my controlling and manipulative ex. He took it well. And by "took it well", I mean he camped out my doorstep, held some of my belongings hostage, and tried to blackmail me into staying with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 444

You deserved it 1 863

By luckygirl - 13/10/2015 16:20 - Croatia - Zagreb

Spicy

Today, I gave my virginity to my boyfriend. All I got in return was rug burn and an infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 748

You deserved it 6 255

By Anonymous - 03/06/2019 00:02

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend in front of about 75 people in the fanciest restaurant in town. She told me she was already engaged, while holding up her right hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 303

You deserved it 601

By cat_loser - 09/12/2016 01:29

Today, I agreed to catsit for a friend. Her cat rode back to my house sitting on my shoulder in the car. As soon as I opened the door, he jumped out and ran off into the woods. It's been 2 1/2 hours and not even food will entice him back to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 749

You deserved it 3 380

By Gibs - 17/05/2017 21:00 - Brazil

Today, in my first month at the gym, I was running on the treadmill when my washcloth fell to the floor. Without thinking much, I bent down to get it, lost my balance and took the biggest fall. I no longer have the courage to go there, and I already paid a biannual package. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 482

You deserved it 1 429

Steven Tyler over here

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 16:37 - Australia - Lane Cove

Today, I was walking down the stairs with my guitar in hand, singing, "I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing" to my wife. I sang, "I don't wanna close my eyes, I don't wanna fall…" Before I could say "…asleep", I fell down the stairs. My wife almost pissed her pants laughing. My bum hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 647

You deserved it 16 039

By buttpain - 01/12/2016 18:29

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 633

You deserved it 845

By The Dishwasher - 07/06/2017 22:00 - Canada - Guelph

Today, I started work at catering company. I was aware that I'd be cleaning dishes, but they forgot to warn me how many. Needless to say, after polishing 527 glasses, my hands hurt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 713

You deserved it 1 127

By Liz - 08/07/2019 00:00

Today, I woke up, and I could see perfectly. Somehow, during the night, my eyes magically became 20/20. I was overjoyed, until I realized I'd fallen asleep with my glasses on. My eyes are still trash, and I want to cry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 603

By Anonymous - 10/07/2019 04:09

Spicy

Today, I wanted to be on top during sex, after always being on the bottom. Afterwards, he said, "You're never riding me like that again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 106

You deserved it 373

By outoflove - 30/06/2014 21:06 - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 831

You deserved it 4 425

Break in

By Luke - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I was robbed. I didn't know how the robber got in, as there was no clear signs of forced entry. I later found out that my psycho ex had written my address on the key I lent her when we were going out, then purposely left it on a table in a café. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 608

You deserved it 2 692

By Anonymous - 25/10/2016 11:35

Today, I explained to my boss what clickbait is and why it's bad practice to use it when writing online. After my explanation, she ordered me to go ahead with it, saying it's "exactly what we need". This person is the marketing communications director for a major multinational company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 247

You deserved it 1 209

By mermaidkeels - 10/10/2016 13:44 - United States - Hialeah

Today, my boyfriend met my mom. He was curious as to how my mom had a better ass than mine when she was twice my age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 123

You deserved it 1 123

mermaidkeels tells us more.

mermaidkeels 26

Tuesday 11 October 2016 17:59

So this actually happened a few years ago. Last week a couple of friends and I were talking about funny/awkward relationships and I remembered this story. Decided to submit it but didn't think it would get published. By the way, no-we are no longer together but that is for unrelated reasons.

You OK, hun?

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 152

You deserved it 3 194

Today, I knew nothing. FML

By FML Approved - 13/07/2017 03:40

Could you see Kit Harington as anyone other than John Snow? Well there's no need to imagine it now that Jimmy Kimmel has revealed the long lost audition tapes! (It's a good thing that Harrington landed the role he did. Daenerys doesn't suit him.)

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 160

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Today, my girlfriend and I were snuggling and we placed our hands together, palm to palm. I can bend the tips of my fingers over hers, which apparently surprised her because she commented, "Huh, so big hands AREN'T related to penis size." FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 856

You deserved it 7 975

Today, I was sitting at the mall food court, and wearing a "Blink If You Want Me" shirt. A guy walked by, saw my shirt, and made a point of holding a staring contest with me before moving on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 040

You deserved it 41 464

Today, I got my cat stuffed after her death. I brought her home and set her down by my couch. I guess my dog thought it was a new chew toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 904

You deserved it 78 270

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 349

You deserved it 169

Today, I was looking for proof that my dad’s much younger girlfriend is just a dumb gold digging slut looking for a payday. Turns out she has a PhD, owns her own home, and makes six figures. So what’s she doing with his old ass? FML

I agree, your life sucks 86

You deserved it 944

Today, I got home from work to see that not only had my wife opened my bag of potato chips, she'd ripped it all down the side and left it open all day without a clip. Now my chips are stale. She has a whole bag of her favorite flavor, unopened, right next to it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 472

You deserved it 112