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Hi this is my FML. I created an account to comment this... I guess that's the odd thing... the affair was actually online and through text. They never met in person haha!

By swedishdude - 14/11/2009 13:37 - Sweden

Today, I was at a party where I ate a bowl of disgusting snacks because I didn't want to drink on an empty stomach. I spent the next twelve hours trying to prevent the world from collapsing into millions of demonic shards, cause apparently that's what a large dose of magic mushrooms does. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 027

You deserved it 36 943

By BohGlam - 01/12/2016 20:30

Today, my boss reprimanded me for my lack of media communications skills. It would be more understandable if I weren't a janitor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 237

You deserved it 635

Misjudged

By VelociTheRaptor - 23/05/2017 02:00

Today, I was leaving work after a storm. They're building some new offices outside, so I had to walk on an uneven path near the construction zone. I came to a big puddle and tried to jump across to what I thought was a piece of asphalt. It was mud. I slipped and fell backwards into the puddle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 259

You deserved it 792

Nice try

By trojan72 - 13/06/2017 00:00

Today, marks a whole month that my boss has asked me to come in early to my part-time job, which makes me pretty happy to get the extra hours. I casually made a joke that she might as well make me full-time now. That made her change her mind, now I'm back down to 23 hours a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 171

You deserved it 965

Brain melt

By hashtag67 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff

Today, I taught my first seminar as a teaching assistant. I prepared for hours and rehearsed and discussed it with the professor. Two students fell asleep, I said "shit" twice and I froze mid-sentence, then said, "Sorry guys, I have no idea what I'm saying." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 572

You deserved it 1 715

By anonymous - 21/04/2009 05:42 - United States

Today, I told my morbidly obese teacher that he had mustard on his chin. He tried to wipe it off and I said without thinking "No, your other chin." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 363

You deserved it 101 191

By TheLoneSoul - 13/09/2015 14:22 - France

Today, I received a call from my wife. It would've been great if she hadn't left on a business trip three years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 188

You deserved it 1 622

By Anonymous - 02/04/2009 22:51 - United States

Today, my fiancé turned 21. I stayed up and took care of him for 3 hours while he puked his guts out. When I FINALLY get him to bed, he jumps up and rips the lid off a plastic container on the floor and pukes in it. It was full of all my yearbooks, baby pictures, and childhood memories. FML

I agree, your life sucks 153 760

You deserved it 14 399

Truth hurts

By Unemployed - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - Australia - Hinchinbrook

Today, I discovered that my supervisor, who I thought liked me, actually thinks I'm incompetent and lack emotional intelligence. I'm a student nurse and I've just listed her as my reference for our single, statewide job application. There's no way to change it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 173

You deserved it 1 393

Ouch!

By P0wned - 29/09/2009 21:21 - France

Today, in the middle of the night, I was punched in the face by my frightened girlfriend, who had just been awoken by her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 006

You deserved it 5 279

Happy Birthday

By Birthday Boy - 06/12/2017 05:00

Today, my family asked where I wanted to go for my birthday dinner. They shot down my every suggestion and decided on sushi. I'm allergic, so the only thing I could eat was a veggie appetizer. Dad said I need to "expand my palate." FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 189

You deserved it 353

Pissed

By Anonymous - 01/07/2016 22:35 - United States - Salt Lake City

Today, I saw my ex best friend and my cheating ex-girlfriend hanging out at the gym, where I work. They signed up here just to piss me off. It's working. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 454

You deserved it 1 142

By Anyonehiring - 28/06/2016 01:05 - United States - Tempe

Today, I had the great pleasure of meeting my replacement, who was sitting at my desk in my office. My boss must've forgotten to mention to me that I've been fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 939

You deserved it 716

By r1has - 12/06/2016 02:58 - Pakistan - Islamabad

Today, while chopping green chilies, I accidentally rubbed my eyes. It currently feels like Satan pissed hellfire straight into my right eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 069

You deserved it 4 890

There's an app for everything

By Anonymous - 09/04/2020 05:00

Today, my boyfriend told me that he could predict my periods because he keeps track of when I'm at my bitchiest each month. This wouldn't be so bad if he wasn't so accurate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 475

You deserved it 733

By lohandork - 22/05/2016 17:33 - United Kingdom - Roehampton

Today, a motorist yelled at me for texting and driving. I was too ashamed to admit that I'd been admiring the bogey I'd just picked from my nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 174

You deserved it 11 194

Thanks mom

By Anonymous - 08/06/2018 15:00

Today, it's my third day in the hospital. On Monday, my mother grounded me for not going to school because I was “milking” a sore foot. On Wednesday, we finally went to the ER and it turns out I have a very bad infection in my foot. She refuses to come to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 391

You deserved it 230

And today on Maury…

By Anonymous - 24/04/2020 20:00

Today, I was driving my best friend home when he admitted to being gay. I was glad he could trust me with a secret like this. Until he admitted to having sex with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 769

You deserved it 220

By Anon. - 05/05/2016 21:00 - United States - Allentown

Today, like every other day my boyfriend and I try and have sex, his dog cried and whined outside of his room until we stopped. She does this all the time and it kills the mood instantly. I can't have sex because of a toy poodle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 725

You deserved it 2 381

Heftychonk

By just-a-fat-cat - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - West Bend

Today, I noticed my cat was making a loud wheezing noise when trying to breathe, so I rushed him to the vet's. $250.00 worth of tests later, he's fine. Just really fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 954

You deserved it 5 131

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Today, my day began with a "Good morning, beautiful." and ended with a "Maybe someone would love you if you were pretty." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 650

You deserved it 2 824

Today, at work, my friend dared me to answer the next call on my phone by saying, "This is your local sperm bank. You jack it, we pack it." I did it. The person on the phone was my boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 197

You deserved it 47 003

Today, despite my muscles being just fine, my genetic collagen deformity has caused insane amounts of pain over things like 'walking' or 'sweeping the floor'. I used to be able to hike up mountains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 072

You deserved it 93

Today, my husband and I have officially become that couple that has to schedule sex. Between his working, my going back to school, raising kids, doing housework and homework, we just haven’t had time. Last night we tried to be spontaneous and get it on. We both fell asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 262

Today, it's been a month since I silently moved on from my online boyfriend. I met him in a chatroom after a break-up. I thought he was my "forever after." He told me he'd lost his feelings for me and told me to wait. I waited, only for him to reveal that he was going on a date by asking me if a shirt was good for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 318

You deserved it 222

Today, I planned a surprise birthday party for my best friend. I told her to “be home by 7 for a little surprise.” She got home at 6:55… with her new boyfriend. Surprise: he hadn’t been invited. Awkward family introductions followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 112