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By anonymous - 14/10/2016 03:46 - United States - Manchester

Today, I was babysitting, and the family dog was unable to move, so I had texted the mother about it. We put the small dog on the couch to make it comfortable while the mother was on her way to get the dog and take it to the vet. Turns out, we sat with a dead dog for about ten minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 860

You deserved it 1 297

By JAMjessie - 20/09/2016 16:54 - United States

Today, I found out that my boss's ex-husband is my company manager. They are one office space apart and constantly shouting about one another. I'm in that one office space between them. In the office across from me? Their daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 416

You deserved it 883

By James - 20/08/2017 16:00 - Czech Republic - Prague

Today, my mates and I decided to get inked. I chose a chest tattoo of my last name, Coch. I'll let you guess what it looked like when I was finally able to inspect the damage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 943

You deserved it 4 483

GGs

By deerslayer559 - 27/09/2017 23:14

Today, while playing golf, I hit my ball near some tall grass along the edge of the water. Unbeknownst to me, there was an alligator hiding in the grass. He growled at me during my shot, causing me to put the ball directly into the pond. Alligator: 1 Me: 0. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 797

You deserved it 461

By whatdoyoudo - 16/03/2009 04:39 - United States

Today, I was filling out paperwork with my new doctor. During the questionnaire, she asked if I was sexually active. I said yes. She then asked, "What do you do?" I told her I normally did vaginal, but sometimes anal. She blushed and started to laugh. She was asking where I worked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 275

You deserved it 47 312

whatdoyoudo tells us more.

whatdoyoudo 2

Wednesday 18 March 2009 15:34

ok. i am the poster and i'll answer some of your questions by prividing a little background: 1. I am a male 2. My doctor is female 3. She also has the best sense of humor I have seen in a physician 4. She is also my parents doctor 5. I told my parents this story 6. she will NEVER live it down

Road rage

By notapetkiller - 26/07/2016 06:12 - United States - New Hyde Park

Today, while in the car with my mom, we accidentally ran over a dog who had sprinted into the road. Instead of stopping, my mom continued to drive as if nothing happened. Every time I tried to bring it up, she merely talked loudly over me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 030

You deserved it 1 640

By Anonymous - 22/07/2016 17:19 - United States - Washington

Today, I had to deal with yet another day of people looking at my name tag and saying "You know nothing, John Snow." with a shit-eating grin, like they're the wittiest people alive. Then I had to deal with my boss telling me to lighten up, because it's "just a joke". FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 815

You deserved it 1 869

Too much TV rots your brain (so they say)

By Itstheapocalypse - 26/11/2017 19:00

Today, while performing a therapeutic massage, I dropped my clients head, shuddered, and jumped away. Why? I watch too much Walking Dead and when I lifted her head to stretch her neck, her soft breathing sounded like a zombie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 379

You deserved it 3 154

Doggy dog world

By NotSoFunnyNow - 27/11/2017 15:00

Today, I tried to get a funny reaction from my dogs with a fart, like I saw in a YouTube video. I shat my pants and the dogs didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 112

You deserved it 4 032

Who's the worst?

By good mom - 06/11/2019 04:00 - United States - Monterey Park

Today, despite the fact that I own my home, car and have a career, I was once again told that I’ve shamed my family by being a single mom. Meanwhile, my brother has four kids with three different women and constantly hits up every family member for money. He gets nothing but just support. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 283

You deserved it 197

They tried to make me go to rehab…

By anon - 30/06/2016 17:33 - United Kingdom - Aberdeen

Today, my father got out of rehab for his alcoholism. This would be great if he hadn't started drinking the moment he got home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 949

You deserved it 714

By HungryBird - 03/03/2018 15:00 - Australia - Peakhurst

Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 950

You deserved it 581

STOP!

By Sammmmi - 22/06/2016 18:35 - United Kingdom - Paisley

Today, I heard someone try to get into my back garden. I ran to the front door, opened it, and shouted at whoever it was. I then saw a police officer appear, following the person who'd jumped my fence. I then realised I wasn't wearing any trousers. I'd shouted at the police half naked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 722

You deserved it 1 899

Method acting

By over_due - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was giving a competitive dramatic speech. I got a little too into it and punched the ground to portray my character's anger. I must be one dedicated thespian because I was angry enough to break my hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 062

You deserved it 3 643

By lolbahadur - 16/03/2018 19:00 - Australia

Today, I called in sick at work and went to the bar, only to find out that my manager has a second job there. I am now jobless. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 8 653

By Al - 13/06/2016 15:37 - Australia - Turramurra

Today, I walked into pawn shop and found a nice laptop which I inspected after I thought I lost mine months ago. Turns out my ex pawned it after having it at her place all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 347

You deserved it 1 252

By Anonymous - 16/05/2016 03:18 - United States - Klamath Falls

Today, I nearly got shitcanned for falling asleep on the job. The only reason I was so dead tired was because my idiot roommates decided to get high last night and loudly argue for hours about stupid crap like "Is it gay to screw a clone of yourself?" I got less than 2 hours of sleep because of them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 114

You deserved it 1 918

By Naked and Afraid - 18/08/2018 06:00 - United States - New Braunfels

Today, my girlfriend's grandparents walked in on us getting intimate. She immediately ran to the bathroom, leaving me alone with them. They only speak Spanish, which is not my first language. We discussed the movie she and I were "watching", all while I was naked under the sheets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 252

You deserved it 467

By skygardens - 21/08/2018 15:00

Today, I had just gotten home after being away for 8 months. My key didn’t work on my lock and while I was messing the door a man with a child opened. My landlord gave someone my apartment while I was away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 540

You deserved it 244

By an adorable devil - 21/03/2016 06:52 - United States - Houston

Today, my new bunny decided she is only going to eat carrots. If I put anything else in her food bowl, she viciously attacks the bowl until all of the food has spilled out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 719

You deserved it 2 107

Classy

By Radbaby - This FML is from back in 2018 but it's good stuff

Today, I asked a guy to change into a gown for an X-ray exam. I asked him to leave his underwear on, everything else off. Apparently he was going commando, as he left skid marks on my table when the exam was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 555

You deserved it 231

By Anonymous - 24/02/2016 16:39 - France - Issy-les-moulineaux

Today, I had a heart attack. At the hospital, the doctor compared my heart to a stressed out 60 year-old's heart. I'm 17 and I don't even have a job yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 247

You deserved it 1 950

Jealousy

By Anonymous - 28/10/2018 14:00

Today, my girlfriend dumped me for refusing to stop talking to my female best friend. When I pointed out that my friend's a lesbian, she said, "How the hell does that change anything?" I have no idea why I'm not happy to be rid of that paranoid imbecile. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 819

You deserved it 485

By Anonymous - 17/01/2016 08:19 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my pregnancy hormones were so bad, I broke down crying because my cat sat on my husband's lap instead of mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 999

You deserved it 2 862

By Anonymous - 27/01/2017 22:00

Today, I found out I'm pregnant with my soon-to-be ex-husband's baby from the moment we agreed to have sex one last time together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 741

You deserved it 9 264

By Anonymous - 30/08/2019 00:04 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, I found out my brother doesn't have a problem with "keeping it in the family". It's now up to me to explain why our cousin is pregnant with his kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 194

You deserved it 180

"Hey, where the white women at?"

By Steven, Customer Service - 17/02/2017 16:00 - United States - Dover Plains

Today, I took a call from a man who said his dating apps are connecting him with "black and oriental women" when he only wants white women. I spent 47 minutes on the phone with this customer trying to explain that I am only an AT&T Service Rep and have no control over any dating apps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 898

You deserved it 462

By anon - 17/12/2015 18:45

Today, I had to explain to someone in my class who Gandhi really was and that he was not a fictional goblin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 656

You deserved it 1 658

Contagion

By breejanai - 11/04/2017 04:00

Today, while working as a veterinary assistant, an owner stood extremely close to me and kept accidentally petting me instead of her dog. After her dog was examined, she asked me if I'd ever had the chickenpox because she has shingles and it's contagious to those who haven't. I haven't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 731

You deserved it 325

By sniffmyzebra - 20/10/2015 19:46 - Canada - Medicine Hat

Today, my blind date tried to sell me a vacuum. I bought it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 956

You deserved it 8 298

sniffmyzebra tells us more.

sniffmyzebra 14

Wednesday 21 October 2015 22:37

Can't believe this was published! OP here, as some you said, the date really did suck. But my brand new vacuum sucks even more! Did I do it right? I'll leave.