The Top

Why does everyone think only a guy can buy a home? You know what they say about people who assume. 1. I’m female. 2. I’m a 25 year old graduate student with plenty of friends and wouldn’t even know how to play D&D. 3. I live in a city where buying a house in a nice area would cost 3 times as much so duh of course I bought a condo. . But thanks to those who understand what its like to have shit attack your house! The adjuster comes today at least.

By Anonymous - 19/11/2009 13:36 - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend gave me an early wedding present. I opened the box and inside was the most adorable cat I've ever seen! It got scared, jumped out, clawed my face and pissed everywhere. My wedding is tomorrow and I look like Frankenstein's bride. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 913

You deserved it 3 862

And you are?

By Firefighter Groom - 07/02/2021 23:01

Today, I got married to my girlfriend of three years. Her mother's Alzheimer's came into play at the wedding when she asked who I was. My bride-to-be couldn't stop crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 083

You deserved it 75

By my_only_friend - 03/06/2013 04:45 - United States - Chicago

Today, I was invited to a party. Since I rarely get invited to any, I was super pumped. Both my parents work late, so I texted a couple of people to see if I could catch a ride. It turned out everyone's cars were full. I ended up missing one of the only parties I've ever been invited to. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 740

You deserved it 7 285

Hoarders

By juggalo2 - 19/07/2023 12:00

Today, my wife can barely contain her rage at me for throwing out her collection of unique glass bottles, which she was saving for gifting and decoration. I'd feel more guilt if she hadn't been storing them in a box underneath our sink mixed with recyclables. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 213

Puppy love

By Anonymous - 23/12/2024 03:00 - United States

Today, I gave my crush my number in a note that said "Read in private." Not only did she read it in front of her friends, she also laughed at it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 428

You deserved it 234

Classic move

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 02:00 - Canada - Saint-jérôme

Today, I walked up to my friend and slapped her ass, because that’s what we always do. Turns out, it wasn’t my friend, it was a total stranger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 1 248

Square eyes

By Anonymous - 02/08/2026 03:00 - United States

Today, I received a notification that my phone screen time was down by 40% this week. I was incredibly proud of myself until I remembered I'd spent most of the week watching TV instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123

You deserved it 265

By a-mishunderstanding - 08/08/2011 04:07

Today, I was working in costume at a recreation of a Confederation-era town. I had to convince a visitor that it's not, in fact, an Amish village, and we do actually leave after five. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 104

You deserved it 2 882

Nice to see you

By meeee - 13/02/2021 23:01

Today, I saw my 89 year-old grandmother naked. She just moved in with us and apparently, she has an "open door policy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 947

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 29/05/2013 04:32 - United States - Sparta

Today, I went to the Doctor's for a mole my husband had said was, "growing and changing color". It turned out to be a wood tick. My husband knew, but said it was too "icky" to take off himself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 624

You deserved it 7 782

Please don't go

By Anonymous - 30/04/2009 23:08 - United States

Today, a girl called me, asking for one of her friends. She wouldn't believe me when I told her she had the wrong number, and I spent a few minutes convincing her she did. After a while she said, "What the fuck?" and hung up. That was the longest conversation I had with a girl in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 484

You deserved it 9 056

By krizleykrislo - 30/04/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was rollerblading in the university gardens and taking pictures. A worker started to yell at me, and I told him that I had perfect control and could stay on the sidewalk. As I turned to skate away, I faceplanted into a bed of prized rare flowers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 228

You deserved it 64 019

It never rains, it pisses down

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 02:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, trying to get to work just off Eglinton station in Toronto, I slept in, didn't shower, and didn't have money for an Uber, so I jumped on the street car. This was the only time they had people checking tickets. One 200$ fine later, I'm late for work, and after a warning for my tardiness, I was sent home for "stinking." FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 1 480

By Az - 13/06/2012 00:24 - United States - Dallas

Today, I woke up to a guy outside my house, who wanted to give me flowers and take me out on a date. Aside from it all being pretty fucking creepy anyway, the guy is my not quite right in the head second cousin, who's apparently now head-over-heels in love with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 944

You deserved it 2 387

Social parasites

By Anonymous - 08/04/2022 00:01 - United States - Marion

Today, my landlord told me they are making my building non-smoking. The main reason I moved to this old run-down building was it was cheap and I could smoke in my own home, since you can't find that anymore. Oh, they also just increased rent by 20%. FML

I agree, your life sucks 881

You deserved it 1 062

Love hurts

By Anonymous - 31/07/2023 10:00

Today, my ex asked me to return a sweater he'd gifted me back in the day. He didn’t even thank me, just said he’d catch me at lunch but never did. Work was tedious yet even then I didn’t leave without shooting him a goodbye text, only for him to say, “Oh my bad, I already left.” I still love him but it’s clearly one-sided. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 663

By Sad - 28/04/2009 22:13 - United States

Today, my house got broken into. My brand new laptop was stolen, along with my flatscreen TV, digital camera, external hard drive and some clothes. Wanting to drown my sorrows in the Ben and Jerry's Phish Food ice cream in the freezer, I opened the door to find that it too had been stolen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 494

You deserved it 32

How've you been?

By Anonymous - 05/01/2025 03:00 - United States - Milwaukee

Today, I mistook a random stranger in the grocery store for my friend and started complaining about how annoying my coworkers are at the moment. The stranger just nodded, concerned, and slowly backed away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 570

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, while my boyfriend and I were talking with his sister-in-law about a TV show, his 6-year-old nephew walked up just in time to hear how Santa killed the protagonist's parents. I've never seen such a heartbroken face in my life, and now he won't stop asking if Santa kills people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 824

You deserved it 4 624

Today, I watched a little girl laugh while giving bread to some pigeons at a bus stop. A bus then arrived. All the pigeons moved out of the away, except one. Its head got crushed by a wheel, and some blood splattered onto the little girl's shoes, who then screamed. With laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 534

You deserved it 36

Today, my boyfriend got a new job. He'll be over the road for three weeks at a time, and home on the remaining week. Basically, I'll see him once a month. Guess which time of month it'll fall on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 576

You deserved it 3 170

Today, I finally got intimate with my girlfriend, the girl of my dreams. I undressed and, ready to step in bed with her, I see her staring at 'it'. Which was quickly followed by laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 263

You deserved it 3 786

Today, my mom walks into my room, with a serious look on her face asks me "When a man is getting it from behind, the man on top orgasms, but what happens to the man on bottom? Do you think he takes care of himself or what?" Hand motions were included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 85 915

You deserved it 5 757

Today, I found out that in September I will be expected to teach a student whose mother described as a more pedantic, nitpicky, annoying version of Sheldon Cooper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 871

You deserved it 100