The Top

The most agreed on FMLs The most commented on FMLs The most favorited

The top of the day The top of the week The top of the month The top of the year The all-time greatest FMLs

By O_O - 12/07/2013 20:15 - United States - Columbus

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend insisted that I start calling him "Professor Fucktard" in the bedroom. He seems to be dead serious about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 659

You deserved it 5 831

Crushed

By Anonymous - 22/02/2022 12:00 - Canada - Vancouver

Spicy

Today, after I confessed my feelings towards my long time crush two weeks ago and was rejected, he messaged me asking for a quick fuck, with no strings attached. I guess that’s all I am good for now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 236

Better off

By BooblessWife - 18/05/2023 03:00

Today, my husband announced he’s no longer attracted to me and wants a divorce because I got a needed double mastectomy. When I reminded him of his wedding vows, “In sickness and in health” he said that he thought that meant “the flu or something, not this shit.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 459

You deserved it 134

By The Christmas Grinch - 18/11/2010 22:33 - Canada

Today, I woke up to my yard covered in snow, Christmas music playing loudly, and my noisy, obnoxious aunt and her three year old twin daughters playing and screaming. They're going to be living with us until after the winter holidays. It's only November 18th. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 458

You deserved it 3 912

By silvercity09 - 26/05/2009 03:04 - Canada

Spicy

Today, was my sister's and dad's birthday. I accidentally mixed up the gifts I got for them and my dad ended up with a vibrator. He wasn't very happy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 027

You deserved it 64 092

Nice disguise

By Anonymous - 09/09/2011 13:25 - Australia

Today, I had to walk through an extremely crowded pub wearing a dorky prisoner outfit to get to a dress-up party at the back. When we got there, I soon realised it wasn't fancy dress, but just black-and-white themed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 984

You deserved it 21 997

Freakout

By Anonymous - 17/11/2010 18:02 - United States

Today, while working as security for a football game, I told a woman she wasn't allowed to bring her Snickers bar into the stadium because no outside food was allowed in. She threw it at my face, then tried to spit on me. I hate people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 917

You deserved it 7 681

By jackelking - 25/05/2009 08:33 - United States

Today, I was at my friends' farm and we decided that we wanted to go to their old treehouse. When we got down there, it turned out my friend Cat had forgotten her shoes. Being a gentleman, I lent her my sandals. I then climbed the treehouse, fell out, and got a nail through my foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 081

You deserved it 6 948

By sisterofthebride - 03/10/2014 20:22 - United States

Today, my sister and her new husband invited our family and my fiancé over to look at their wedding pictures. Turns out, I caught the bouquet and flashed the world in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 182

You deserved it 4 138

By STOPTAKINGPICTURES - 08/07/2013 23:45 - United States - New York

Today, it's been the tenth restaurant meal in a row that my husband has to ruin with Instagram, in the belief that anyone cares. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 940

You deserved it 5 098

By cheaterscheat - 29/07/2012 01:21 - United States - Saint James

Today, I went to the hospital due to extreme sickness. My boyfriend saw this as an opportune time to take another girl out since I was "otherwise preoccupied." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 643

You deserved it 2 399

By Anonymous - 15/11/2010 12:05 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to spend £200 at the dentist for fillings and repairs to my teeth. Why do I need them? Because I'm stressed about money and grind my teeth in the night because of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 123

You deserved it 4 584

By nutrigrain123 - 23/05/2009 18:10 - United States

Today, I was driving in my car with my daughter, who was eating a nutri-grain bar. After a while she holds out her hand saying, "It's on my finger! I don't wanna eat it!" I pick up the little piece of nutri-grain filling and put it in my mouth, only to realize it was a large booger. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 573

You deserved it 27 588

Hair-raising

By what the fuck????? - 18/02/2022 00:01 - United States - Denver

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 276

By stillhungry - 22/05/2009 23:25 - United States

Today, while driving across country, my car broke down while in the middle of nowhere. I had it towed to a mechanic in the nearest town. While he fixed the car, I went to get lunch. The only restaurant in town was an old-fashioned drive-up diner. They wouldn't serve me because I wasn't in a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 491

You deserved it 2 744

You fool

By Anonymous - 25/10/2024 12:00 - Germany - Hamburg

Today, my wife and I both spent a weekend away separately with our close friends. However, we ran into each other, unplanned, at the airport. She was with her girls and I was with my girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66

You deserved it 1 870

Planned obsolescence

By anonymous - 10/06/2026 06:39 - United States - San Jacinto

Today, I took my computer to a store to be hopefully repaired due to a messed up screen (due to a part suddenly having stopped working). it is repairable, yet my family still probably wants me to get a new one, despite how sentimental this computer is to me. Why can't they just let it be repaired? FML

I agree, your life sucks 388

You deserved it 226

anonymous17 tells us more.

anonymous17 18

Tuesday 9 June 2026 19:11

hello this is my fml i just made a account, sadly it isnt fixable but otherwise i would try to pay for the repairs, i did pay for it to get checked though i have a few other sentimental items but im genuinely sad about my computer, and i dont think they realized how special this is to me until i cried when i heard that its not repairable

By brunhilde - 16/09/2012 10:14 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, it’s been two weeks since I’ve been in Hungary. I make the most of being away from home by dieting, eating for lunch every day a pot of really nice yoghurt with fresh fruit. I learned this morning that “Tejfol” doesn’t mean “yoghurt”, but “cream”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 159

It's probably for the best

By Serire - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Monroe

Today, my boyfriend couldn't go on a date with me because his mom said no. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 599

You deserved it 5 319

By hot4donny - 12/11/2010 02:40 - United States

Today, my family and I were watching Mulan, and I mentioned that I've always had a crush on Shang. After going into detail about how I would "marry his sexy voice" I decided to look up this mystery dream man. To my surprise he was played by Donny Osmond. I will never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 032

You deserved it 27 020

Color coordination

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 18:34 - United States

Today, my friend and I decided to wear a new red lipstick. The guy I like turned around, looked at her and said, "Red is a really interesting, sexy color. Pretty bold. Not bad." and he smiled. I waited, smiling also, only for him frown and say, "Your teeth are REALLY yellow." FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 095

You deserved it 17 595

Paranoid android

By Anonymous - 13/03/2022 16:00 - United States - Chicago

Today, I hit my target weight for the first time since high school. As a result, my girlfriend refuses to hook up with me, because her slutty cousins are now too interested in me, and she assumes I'm leading them on. I've never met them in person, because they live in Russia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 223

You deserved it 204

Mush

By Tired Tater - 05/06/2023 10:00 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I over-boiled some potatoes. I was having a bad day and this tipped me over the edge. I burst into tears and threw the potatoes all over my kitchen. I then stomped on the piping hot potatoes. The bottoms of my feet are blistered and still feel like they’re burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 315

You deserved it 1 520

By Acidic Donut - 30/06/2013 23:48 - United States - Brookfield

Today, I hid my parents' booze since I'd always thought their shitty behavior was due to drinking too much. Turns out they're just assholes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 729

You deserved it 8 956

By robbyrabbit - 11/11/2010 07:41 - United States

Today, I went to the place I signed for yesterday to pay the first month's rent and get my keys. I looked around before I left, and used the toilet. I went back later to show my boyfriend and found the place flooded an inch with water coming from the toilet. It had been flooding for 7 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 149

You deserved it 4 749

By someonesomething - 05/12/2009 11:24 - United States

Today, one of the comic companies I submitted to, replied back. They said that the story was boring, and the main character bland, generic, uncultured, had no potential for personal growth, a suburbanite, and an ignorant shut-in. I based the personality of the main character on my own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 280

You deserved it 12 837

Trash talking little dude

By Proud momma - 03/11/2024 20:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my toddler learned the phrase “Shut up.” He now loudly says it to anyone who speaks to him, including our elderly neighbor, whose only crime was complimenting him on his shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 204

Shallow

By John - 09/06/2026 15:00 - United States - San Diego

Today, my now-ex girlfriend showed me a picture where she was 120lbs overweight and asked me if I would still date her if she ever looked like that again. Being honest, I said “No.” She broke it off with me because of that. Apparently I lack “good moral character” and “it’s giving red flag.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 259

You deserved it 498

By fuuuuuh - 20/07/2012 05:47 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, my family of five and I decided to have homemade sushi. We did not prepare the fish correctly, and now we all have excruciating food poisoning. The worst part? We only have one bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 805

You deserved it 30 965

Fight your own battles

By Anonymous - 01/09/2011 07:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my mum has been texting my ex-boyfriend to tell him what a dick he is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 753

You deserved it 4 803

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Birthday Family Miscellaneous Cute Friends Relatable My ex I need your advice Love Awkward Sex Intimacy NSFW Scary Technology Annoying Work Money Capitalism Embarrassing Divorce Education Health Sports Abuse Kids Hospital Wanker Addiction Management

The Top

The Top

Today, I bought a treadmill as part of my goal to get fit for summer. It doesn't look like it's going to get much use, seeing as how I sprained my ankle trying to get it in my doorway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 544

You deserved it 1 509

Today, I realized my job working with food is getting to me. While having sex with my boyfriend, I fell asleep. He asked me what I was doing, and apparently I sleep-talked, saying "I'm chopping lettuce". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 755

You deserved it 5 052

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 885

You deserved it 6 361

Today, drunk at a party, I leaned through a window to throw up. I was outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 349

You deserved it 221

Today, my girlfriend hid my car keys and decided that she wouldn't give them back until I succeeded in giving her an orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 761

You deserved it 81 028

Today, I was once again berated by an idiotic parent. I’ve been called a filthy liberal, a groomer, and had my job threatened several times. All of this because I was teaching second graders about pronouns. You know, the part of English grammar that replaces a noun. Nothing political at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 120