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By kb - 18/11/2013 06:38 - United States

Today, my mother gave me a bottle of stool softeners as a gift at my baby shower. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 697

You deserved it 4 057

By snarly1 - 03/01/2012 08:14 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was our one year anniversary. After a surprise re-creation of our first date, we went home, in the mood for love. The food poisoning from the restaurant had a different idea. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 2 508

Going medieval

By hurley - 27/02/2011 10:10 - Australia

Today, I had my friends help me put on a suit of full plate armor for a medieval re-enactment. After the battle, my friends left. I can't get the armor off by myself and will probably have to sleep in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 084

You deserved it 9 947

By TextLoser - 05/08/2009 13:37 - United States

Today, I was sitting on the bus next to a hot guy who was texting. I sneaked a peek at his phone to see if he was texting a girl so I could know if he was single. As I looked at his screen, he turned it towards me and typed in caps "STOP BEING A CREEPER." He got out of his seat and off the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 866

You deserved it 86 812

Stasis

By LonelyGrl98 - 15/04/2024 20:00 - United States - Yuba City

Spicy

Today, I realized how fucked I am (not). I'm a 26 year-old virgin waiting for love. No guy my age wants someone inexperienced. The older I get, the more ridiculous I feel. I masturbate way more often than I should and it's like my body is screaming for intimacy. I don't know WTF to do. Maybe I'll be the next 40 year-old virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 541

You deserved it 235

By LDL - 26/01/2009 22:56 - United States

Today, I organized a romantic evening with one of my old squeezes in the hopes I may re-ignite something special. She showed up at 8 and told me she had to leave by 9. She was gone by 8:30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 563

You deserved it 5 556

Great guy

By Anonymous - 10/06/2020 23:10

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 837

You deserved it 388

Heads up

By nobueno - 06/09/2021 23:01

Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 511

You deserved it 120

By Anonymous - 24/02/2011 22:09 - United States

Today, I went to Victoria's Secret to get fitted for a new bra since mine weren't fitting properly. To my amazement, I wasn't a 32A, but a 32AA. I might as well have craters on my chest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 371

You deserved it 5 368

By Champs - 25/01/2009 17:52 - Australia

Today, I downloaded the 'Dark was the Night' compilation made for charity. I have no soul. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 173

You deserved it 26 458

Evil child

By little_star78 - 13/11/2013 11:08 - United States - Bloomfield Hills

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 234

You deserved it 3 614

By Anonymous - 23/02/2011 18:46 - United States

Today, I spent my remaining cash on a doctor's visit, only to find out that at the age of 22, I'm getting major health problems brought on by stress. I came home to relax, only to find out my roommate can't pay his rent, and needs me to cover for him so we don't get evicted. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 669

You deserved it 2 786

Breaking news

By ApparentlyEmo - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mom called asking for advice on how to flirt with her personal trainer. I thought she was joking and asked her what Dad would think. Turns out they're getting divorced. They decided this three weeks ago. No one told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 449

You deserved it 2 175

By Cheer4Life - 11/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Bloomington

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 167

You deserved it 10 195

The longest monologue

By Anonymous - 29/11/2012 00:57 - Canada - Belleville

Today, I was waiting in a doctor's office when I was approached by an elderly woman. She told me all about the ripping of her stitches in a very private place, in exhaustive detail. Of course, today was the day my doctor chose to be an hour late. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 150

You deserved it 1 727

By aatomkins - 02/08/2009 15:52 - United Kingdom

Today, after 3 long hours of mowing the lawn with a rusty lawn mower, my dad finally decided to tell me that he didn't get any money out to pay me with. The reason? He didn't think girls could mow a lawn and was expecting me to give up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 334

You deserved it 3 776

aatomkins tells us more.

aatomkins 0

Monday 3 August 2009 0:43

This isn't your average chore, I do those for free. No allowance, just a hourly rate for the hardcore jobs.

By bored - 27/11/2012 18:05 - United States

Today, I've now worked on Thanksgiving, Black Friday, the weekend after that, and two days this week. My husband and son have had all that time off, and yet I've still ended up having to clean the dishes and the house after them on all of these days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 408

You deserved it 5 690

Great idea

By dumbbb - 27/12/2011 08:30 - United States

Today, I tried to open the door with my mouth because my hands were full. I chipped a tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 270

You deserved it 46 071

You just don't get it, dad

By Thatonecosplayer - 28/09/2021 07:04

Today, my father grilled me a little bit for making a print for a cosplay on my $600 FDM printer. Why? Because he "bought the printer for me to make money and not for cosplay" I’m a professional cosplayer who runs a cosplay prop shop. This was for work purposes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 246

Etweens96 tells us more.

Etweens96 25

Tuesday 28 September 2021 2:48

OP here. I can't even believe this got published. When I published this, I went with a different name because I forgot about my old account, but I managed to recover it. For those wondering about what happened, yes I did explain to my dad how it works. He comes from a much older generation and isn't into cosplay like I am, but he's also never run a business before, so he didn't understand the process of how it goes. To those who claim Cosplay isn't a real profession. Go to a convention sometime. You'll meet a lot of people who model, make their own costumes, and make a fortune on this. It's a newer market and better than working in a cramped cubicle, selling your soul to a minimum wage pension that doesn't even give you good health benefits at the end of the day, let alone having a boss who either constantly yells at you or steals your hours for their own selfish gain.

By JBone - 22/01/2009 07:02 - Canada

Today, I was making a smoothie. I didn't plug in the blender until after all the ingredients were inside. I pushed the 'on' button. It was still on when I went to plug it in. With no lid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 421

You deserved it 33 364

By lbg2msf - 06/11/2013 18:08 - United States - Biloxi

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 866

You deserved it 9 508

By tayluh26 - 15/02/2010 05:03 - United States

Today, I found out that my fiancé's parents are refusing to pay for a honeymoon, because they "didn't have one, so neither will we", meaning they won't pay for a single thing for our wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 677

You deserved it 16 097

By babygurl69 - 20/01/2009 21:38 - Canada

Today, I woke up with a hangover, but went to school anyway without showering, applying makeup, and still wearing my pajama bottoms. While taking the subway, I bumped into my ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen a year. His new girlfriend looked at me and said, "You look... tired." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 807

You deserved it 24 053

Alexa, play "Jobseeker" by Sleaford Mods

By Anonymous - 22/09/2021 16:59 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a mandatory online meeting with a special work program early in the morning. Despite having insomnia for the past three weeks, I got up on time. No one has emailed me a meeting link, and no replies either. Now, I'm afraid I will lose what little "benefit" the government throws my way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 102

Tonight, on First Dates…

By singleloseragain - 15/12/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I had my first date with a cute older guy. What started as a perfect night ended in tears when we ran into my mom at the drugstore while he was buying us beer and condoms. She gave him a verbal lashing of a lifetime and told him my real age, 17. I'd told him I was 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 225

You deserved it 4 363

Goofball

By Anonymous - 09/11/2025 12:00

Today, as I was folding laundry, I found some of my wife’s sexy panties. I’m kind of a hairy guy so I thought it would be hilarious to put them on and send her some goofy pics. She thought it was hilarious alright, mostly because they were our daughter’s not hers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 110

You deserved it 534

Brave

By :// - 04/11/2013 22:27 - United States - Alpharetta

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 471

You deserved it 5 857

By Noname - 19/01/2009 23:12 - Australia

Today, I was watching TV and realised I am attracted to Sandra Oh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 621

You deserved it 18 422

Outage

By FUCKING POWER - 02/11/2013 21:41 - United States - Wixom

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 520

You deserved it 44 122

By JackSteely - 22/12/2011 12:04

Today, I found a wallet containing an ID card. I managed to track down the owner, who now is threatening to call the police if I don't return the 400 dollars that he insists were also in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 930

You deserved it 2 837

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Today, the guy I'm seeing told me, "I've always loved you as a person.... but not in any other way." While he was inside me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 090

You deserved it 1 104

Today, I walked twenty minutes in rain, winds that almost knocked me over, and face-fulls of stinging hailstones. Less than a minute after I finally got inside, the weather cleared up, the sun came out, and a rainbow appeared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 831

You deserved it 3 170

Today, I found out why my room-mates and I have been ill for the past week. Apparently a rodent climbed into our water cooker and died. I have been drinking tea and eating noodles that have been tainted by a corpse all this time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 949

You deserved it 5 533

Today, my students took my glasses, hid them from me, and called me a turtle when I squinted my eyes trying to look for them. This carried on for about 25 minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 936

You deserved it 4 062

Today, I realized it isn’t my 5 month-old son who has the issue sleeping without me, it's me who can't sleep without him. This is his first night in his crib and I can’t fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 655

You deserved it 669

Today, as I was trying to fall asleep, I was jolted awake by my oldest cat who'd decided it would be perfect to power-puke all over my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 304

You deserved it 88