The Top

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By citylife - 20/04/2013 20:22 - United States

Today, I realized how tiny my apartment is, when I was able to vacuum from bedroom to bathroom through the living room without switching the power outlet from the one in the kitchen. I pay a fortune to live in this shoebox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 719

You deserved it 10 062

By Anonymous - 08/05/2012 14:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was at my job life-guarding, when a woman pushed the spine-board over, hitting me on the back of my head. She laughed, but I now have a concussion and a stiff neck, and my co-workers can't stop laughing at the "irony." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 758

You deserved it 1 756

By Ashleighx94 - 05/07/2011 00:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my bedridden mother called me selfish. After an operation two weeks ago, all I've done is feed her, clean her and the house every day. She called me selfish because I couldn't lift a TV into her room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 178

You deserved it 2 751

By Anonymous - 09/04/2009 20:46 - United States

Today, I was in a hurry to get to work. I pulled impatiently behind a long line of cars to make a right hand turn. I sat there for 5 minutes. Turns out there wasn't a line to make a right hand turn. I had been waiting behind a line of parked cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 850

You deserved it 70 631

Earplugs maybe?

By Anonymous - 29/05/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I realized that my mother's voice triggers my misophonia. I don't have the courage to tell her that I literally hate her voice, due to a hearing disorder, because I don't know how to say it without sounding like a douche. FML

I agree, your life sucks 857

You deserved it 156

By Anonymous - 05/05/2012 21:16 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my husband and I went on vacation. We got lost and had to ask the locals for directions to our hotel. Neither of us could understand their accents, and we ended up wandering around blindly for hours until we made it back on our own. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 827

You deserved it 20 837

It's not what you think

By tessykins - 22/10/2009 07:41 - United States

Today, this guy who likes me accused me of cutting myself. I asked him what he was talking about, and he said, "Don't lie, I saw those scars on your thighs when we went swimming." I have stretch marks on my inner thighs, and now I have to explain them to him so he doesn't think I cut myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 397

You deserved it 3 307

Humblebrag or what?

By Anonymous - 23/09/2023 14:00 - Canada - Greater Sudbury

Today, I had my third threesome with my fiancée and our friend. We are moving in together and I don't know what to do anymore. I can't stop thinking about her lips against mine, or how she feels when we fuck. I wish I had met her first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 248

You deserved it 1 078

By Yeppets - 28/05/2014 04:13 - United States - Roscoe

Today, I got called "un-American" when I said I didn't care about Kim and Kayne's wedding. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 916

You deserved it 5 946

By lalalasmiles06 - 04/09/2010 03:47

Today, I put a tampon in. The string broke. I had to go to the hospital to get it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 992

You deserved it 7 267

By Username - 01/05/2014 10:33 - United States

Today, my dog died. My parents told me to bury it out back. In the process, I managed to dig up my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 477

You deserved it 4 616

By saltynutz20 - 07/04/2009 18:12 - United States

Today, I was on a flight from Chicago to Minneapolis. A rather attractive young lady sitting next to me fell asleep at the beginning of the flight. About 40 minutes into the flight I noticed my fly was open. The lady woke to me with my hands in my crotch struggling to zip up my fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 737

You deserved it 8 057

Too demanding

By Anonymous - 24/06/2022 00:00 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, my work decided to fire me. Three days ago, I sat down with my boss and asked if they could fix the sewage leak in my office, and maybe look into how loud it is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 882

You deserved it 83

By Anonymous - 14/04/2013 13:29 - United States

Today, is the day of the biggest concert in the state of Florida, and it's also my birthday. I was so excited to hear my mom got tickets. It was for her boyfriend and her. I'm stuck at home babysitting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 924

You deserved it 4 440

By ILoveFML - 29/08/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready." He then looked at me and said, "Maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 947

You deserved it 7 750

By AdriBAMF - 17/10/2009 17:11 - United States

Today, I got asked to Homecoming by the person I really like. I said yes and I was really excited. But my best friend who has liked me since the 6th grade wasn't. He went and broke my date's jaw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 346

You deserved it 7 775

By ALLALA - 04/04/2009 23:34 - Canada

Today, my husband and I were watching TV. An info-mercial came on for a diamond cross necklace that had the lord's prayer engraved inside of it. As the commercial ended I said, "who in their right mind would actually buy that?" Turns out, my husband would, for our anniversary. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 005

You deserved it 24 399

Oh hi!

By showerstupid - 04/04/2009 08:04 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was in the shower, and I decided to go join him. I took all my clothes off and stepped into the bathroom. I slipped on some water, and ended up hitting my head on the toilet and passing out. When I came to, I saw my boyfriend's dad looking over me in his towel. Wrong person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 717

You deserved it 44 894

By dating a big bag of dicks - 13/05/2014 21:02 - United States

Today, while driving out to the countryside with my new boyfriend, we came across a deer lying in the road. It seemed badly hurt, but instead of letting me get out and make sure, my boyfriend decided to just run over its head to finish it off, then continued driving with a smirk on his face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 523

You deserved it 9 216

Taking the piss

By Mug - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom

Today, my boss made me work a longer shift than usual. Not because he needed me in, but just so I'd finish at the same time as his brat of a son, and give him a lift home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 277

You deserved it 2 245

Not helping, dude

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, a girl in my glass was complaining that her neck hurt. I thought if I forcibly turned her head side-to-side, it would instantly fix it like in the movies. It didn't. She was in so much pain, she couldn't even talk, and had to go to the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 159

You deserved it 2 844

Charming

By hoggypig - 23/04/2012 13:00

Today, I was walking across a pedestrian crossing and waved at the driver of the car who'd stopped, just to say thank you. She stuck her middle finger up at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 604

You deserved it 2 901

By gooddriver - 15/10/2009 03:18 - United States

Today, I was involved in a wreck. How quickly did the police arrive at the scene? Very quickly, considering he was the one who rear-ended me at a red light. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 776

You deserved it 2 101

Levelling down

By Yellow - 09/10/2023 17:30

Today, I told a friend I was going to the dentist for the first time in years. He immediately replied, "Yay! Teeth whitening!" I hadn't mentioned teeth whitening. I'm not even going for teeth whitening. -5 XP new insecurity unlocked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 214

Leech

By Anonymous - 04/04/2013 18:04 - Portugal - Sintra

Today, while on the bus, an elderly man fell asleep on my shoulder. He looked sweet, so I didn't push him off. A few minutes later, the bus jolted and his head slipped down into my breasts. I'm pretty sure you don't smile like that when you're really asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 072

You deserved it 7 300

By anonymous - 21/06/2011 23:51 - Canada

Today, my mother told my little sister and me that she has breast cancer to make us feel sorry so that we would clean our rooms. She is perfectly fine. My little sister still thinks that "mommy is going to die". FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 875

You deserved it 3 629

Nice try

By Ellie - 06/07/2022 00:01

Today, I was ringing up a lady’s items; two shoeboxes. Per policy, I’m supposed to open them. She heavily insisted I didn’t. I ignored her and found other merchandise inside. She then went on a rant on how "people should mind their own fucking business" and stormed out of the store without buying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 915

You deserved it 132

By anonymous - 07/05/2014 23:06 - United States

Today, I had the house to myself, and I started talking to myself and singing at full volume. When I went to use the bathroom, I found my constipated cousin looking at me strangely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 039

You deserved it 5 722

Whoomp whoomp

By Anonymous - 01/04/2009 04:17 - United States

Today, I stopped by the gas station. As I was filling up I noticed a cute guy at the pump next to me. When I was done, I gave him a wink before opening my car door. It was locked. I had to call my Dad to bring my spare keys. The guy was laughing the whole time as I waited for my Dad to show up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 703

You deserved it 54 505

Body positivity

By fat…? - 13/07/2022 04:00

Today, when people ask me what I’m doing this summer and I answer that I’m going into plus-size modeling, they rudely say, “Oh, me too,” or, “Oh, my grandma too.” I have an hourglass figure and spent hours on my portfolio, but everyone still thinks I’m just trying to feel better about being fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 390

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The Top

Today, I ran a hand down my freshly shaven leg to appreciate the smoothness, only to come up with a hand covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 468

You deserved it 65

Today, I was writing out palm cards and didn't know if I'd spelled a word correctly, so I stared at it for about 10 seconds waiting for spell check to tell me if it was right or not before I realised I was writing on paper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 733

You deserved it 34 816

Today, I asked a girl out and made plans to go see a movie. About 5 minutes in, I made a move to put my arm around her and smashed her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 699

You deserved it 47 046

Today, I had the front door open, and my cat Watson, who I often call Little Boy, was sitting in front of the screen door. I wanted to close the door so, speaking to my cat, I said, "Come here, Little Boy," at which point a young child came running up to my door. His dad yelled, "Get back here!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 920

You deserved it 232

Today, after finding out that I'd slept with our married neighbor, I found out my husband had slept with him too as revenge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 134

You deserved it 1 127

Today, I’m a night-shift nurse and finally had a rare morning off. I set 3 alarms so I wouldn’t miss my dentist appointment. I slept through all of them, woke up at noon with my phone on 2% battery, and I’d missed the appointment. The reschedule fee is more than my hourly wage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 385

You deserved it 114