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By Abandoned - 09/03/2009 05:50 - United States

Today, I tried to surprise my parents by coming home from college for Spring Break. I arrived to find a dark house, with all the doors bolted shut. After calling them, I found out that they have gone on a vacation to Hawaii for a week. I am now locked out of my own house, with no where to stay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 856

You deserved it 13 538

Inked

By Rubach - 13/06/2021 02:01

Today, I came to terms with the fact that my dad will die without knowing I have tattoos on my body. I'm afraid my dad will suffer a deadly heart attack due to the revelation, as he had two heart failures in the past. My dad is still the sort of person who thinks that people with tattoos are criminals. FML

I agree, your life sucks 772

You deserved it 381

Hell hath no fury…

By Anonymous - 23/08/2022 22:00

Today, I’m trying to recover financially from my divorce by quickly selling my house, but my ex-wife weed-killered the word "Bastard" into the front lawn, and the woman who had put in an offer to buy withdrew her offer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 979

You deserved it 180

Risky Google search

By Anonymous - 12/12/2023 15:00 - Malaysia - Kajang

Today, I discovered a cool song called, "I Don't Wanna Die" by a Korean band, VINCIT. Wanting to find out more about it, I googled its title. Instead of relevant results, I got the phone number to a suicide prevention hotline. To make things worse, now all my social media are filled with ads about suicide prevention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 491

You deserved it 217

By ouch - 02/03/2014 08:44 - United States - Sioux City

Today, I found out that my lover and boyfriend of over 5 years has me listed in his contacts as "Vagina". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 545

You deserved it 7 299

By Anonymous - 14/05/2011 05:44 - United States

Today, I started petting my cousin's Doberman. Now, whenever I stop he growls menacingly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 885

You deserved it 5 458

The Baby-Sitters Club

By Do I look like a fucking babysitter? - 22/08/2022 00:00

Today, my parents, my two sisters and their significant others went on a vacation and dropped their children at my house without ever asking me. I'm single, live alone, and can barely make ends meet, and they know it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 213

You deserved it 135

By Anonymous - 09/03/2012 18:12 - United States

Today, I found out that the gnat infestation in my dorm room was not caused by the recent cool weather, but rather the rotten pear I found under my roommates bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 797

You deserved it 2 569

The secret

By Anonymous - 20/12/2023 22:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, my husband of 35 years told me he had an affair with his secretary in 1995, when I was home with 3 preschoolers. At the time, the phone system required that the secretary pick up, so I was saying hello to her like a fool. I had no idea at the time. He would just come home and tell me how hard his job was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 692

You deserved it 198

By hairy - 08/03/2012 14:30 - Serbia

Today, my boyfriend dumped me. Apparently, my nose hair scares him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 557

You deserved it 13 825

By stupid - 15/09/2009 02:56 - Canada

Today, I asked my dad to pick me up from school, he said he couldn't. Why? he was busy playing world of warcraft for the night. I got to walk the 3 hours home while my 49 year old dad played computer games. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 007

You deserved it 4 851

By STUPID BIRTHDAY - 05/03/2009 07:24 - United States

Today, it's my birthday and I'd arranged a dinner party for 20 of my closest friends. I arrived at the restaurant, fully dressed and everything. When I got there, I thought everyone was ready to surprise me, but instead, nobody showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 104 212

You deserved it 6 949

Noooooo! Duuuuude!

By Thai rice mistake - 12/02/2013 08:04 - United States - Oakland

Today, I was super hungry and went to a Thai restaurant. The waitress left two small bowls of fried rice on the counter, and I thought they were for me. I ate one and a lady came over screaming. Apparently the small cups of rice was part of a religious ceremony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 831

You deserved it 19 064

By _philliesfan - 14/09/2009 04:20 - United States

Today, I was prioritizing my extreme amount of homework. I read over the front page of my psychology paper seeing that it was pretty easy questions, I decided to do it last. Little did I know there was a 8 page essay on the back of the page. It's 12:19 am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 740

You deserved it 21 172

Seen a ghost

By Anonymous - 28/06/2025 12:00 - United Kingdom

Today, you know that cute video of the girl waking up from anaesthesia, seeing her boyfriend and calling him cute even though she’s drugged up? Yeah, good for him. Meanwhile, my husband just woke up from his surgery all drugged up, looked at me, and said, "Ew, Grandma, I thought you were dead." FML

I agree, your life sucks 507

You deserved it 115

By 1111222233334444 - 18/02/2014 23:06 - United States - Williamson

Today, my school received the ranking for state tournaments. We're last. Our cheerleaders are too embarrassed to cheer for us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 948

You deserved it 5 305

1111222233334444 tells us more.

1111222233334444 11

Thursday 20 February 2014 0:33

Hey guys OP. So the school I go to is a private school with only 120 students at most. There is ten school like ours in the state and ones not going, making only nine go to tournaments. (State tournaments). Our Boys varsity is what's seated last. Our Boys middle school is ranked 5 out of 8 and both girls is ranked 6 out of 7. Our cheer squad said that, then added that they had no room to talk because they haven't won first place since the school even started letting a cheer squad happen. (I posted this on my sisters account. And yes. She is a varsity cheerleader.) Not all nine cheerleaders are embarrassed, my sister isn't. Just the girlfriends of ball players are. The others are saying that we will probably win the game that carries us on to the next elimination game. So not all of them aren't peppy.

Christmas family fun

By KittyT - 25/12/2023 12:00 - Australia - Buderim

Today, on Christmas Eve, I got dumped. Why? Because he couldn't live with my psychotic sister after she threatened to get him arrested if she punched him, because he's black. We still love each other and we're in tears having to separate until we can get a house in the housing crisis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 596

You deserved it 219

By wtf did I do - 02/03/2012 21:15 - United States

Today, I went to help a friend move into her new apartment. We were half-way through when it started to rain, and in my anger I yelled that it's like these things happen just to annoy me. Then we heard the tornado sirens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 366

You deserved it 4 492

By Anonymous - 04/05/2011 18:05 - United States

Today, after an extremely hard day at work, I took a hot shower to wind down a little bit. I accidentally splashed a painful amount of hot water and shampoo in my eyes. My left contact is now stuck to my eyeball. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 220

You deserved it 8 976

Red flag

By Anonymous - 04/09/2022 22:00

Spicy

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend after we went to my family reunion. I heard him complaining that I didn't have any "slutty cousins" he could cheat on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 716

You deserved it 212

By cmoney6452 - 01/03/2012 16:17 - United States

Today, I'm so sick that I'm drinking fluids just to make it hurt less when I puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 213

You deserved it 2 520

Tricksters

By Werner - 02/03/2009 21:04 - United States

Today, I came home after a party to my parents, who confronted me. They said that my phone had made a pocket call to them and they heard a good half hour of people talking about drugs and alcohol. I confessed at that point. I checked my phone after. I hadn't called them in three days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 668

You deserved it 67 553

Sprinkler system

By missed - 25/06/2021 14:01 - United States

Today, I was using a mall bathroom. Thinking the toilet seat had to be unsanitary, I decided to squat. I was a little farther out than I thought, and ended up peeing all over the bathroom floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 443

****** around…

By Anonymous - 08/01/2024 20:00 - United States - New Philadelphia

Spicy

Today, I had unprotected sex with my 63 year-old friend. I’ve been told I would have trouble ever conceiving naturally. Now he’s worried I'm pregnant. It wouldn’t be so bad if his we weren’t both married. Here’s to hoping I’m not, and if so this baby comes out with brown eyes like mine and my husband's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 95

You deserved it 1 117

By Anonymous - 01/05/2011 05:50 - United States

Today, I wanted to take my girlfriend to a nice dinner before prom. Her parents followed her in, and joined us to "keep an eye on me." They interrupted all our conversations, ate an expensive meal, then got up and walked out when the waitress brought the $95 check, leaving me to pay for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 755

You deserved it 4 485

New to me

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out there is such a thing as eyebrow dandruff, and that I have it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 358

You deserved it 5 837

By Jaggu - 29/04/2011 20:25 - United States

Today, I ran into an old friend from college on the bus to work. Having not seen each other in over 10 years, we spent a good 15 minutes talking about our lives after college. At the end, he asked me what my name was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 379

You deserved it 5 122

By Dandruff - 24/05/2010 16:14 - France

Today, I found out I have dandruff when a chick passed by and said out loud to her friends: "That dude's hair is having an early Xmas!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 245

You deserved it 6 682

By K-9cop - 09/09/2009 23:11 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me because I hadn't popped the question to her yet. For the last six months, I have been respectfully trying to convince her over protective father to give me his blessing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 050

You deserved it 5 130

By vikingunicorn - 23/05/2010 05:47 - Canada

Today, I was feeling very ill after a severe anxiety attack. I asked my boyfriend to hold my hand until I fell asleep. He said he couldn't because he needed both hands to play on his gameboy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 914

You deserved it 7 540

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Today, after calling the insurance plan for my new iPhone a "huge waste of money", I promptly dropped it in the store while trying to put it into my pocket, cracking the screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 786

You deserved it 52 206

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 131

You deserved it 52 191

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 171

Today, it's my birthday. I am a triplet. In my first class, everyone sang happy birthday to my sister. Her friends got her balloons too. My other sister's friends got her flowers. Everyone forgot I was their sister and all of my own friends forgot that it was my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 044

You deserved it 302

Today, I lost my job due to anonymous customer complaints. Turns out it was my toxic mother-in-law. She made those complaints because she thinks if I’m unemployed, it will be easier to convince my husband to divorce me. Luckily he knows she’s toxic and is on my side, but I’m still unemployed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 724

You deserved it 108

Today, I planned to propose to my girlfriend in front of her family at dinner. I had the ring ready and got down on one knee. She immediately burst into laughter and said, "Are you kidding?" The family stared in silence, and I quickly realised she was just teasing me... until I stood up and knocked over an entire table of drinks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 486

You deserved it 131