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Ha, this got posted really fast. I am the OP. This actually had happened a while ago. To answer some questions, my great grandma had been drinking and had been talking about how her two daughters only want money from her. And that when she died, "I'll leave one dollar in the bank and let them fight over it!" An evil cackle included. I can only guess that this brought around her age into her mind, since she's in her late 80's and probably only has 15 years left with luck, because the fml was the next words out of her mouth. Maybe to comfort herself, I honestly don't know. But it was followed by her looking at my female cousin and saying, "I can teach you how to get into the V formation." Needless to say, we were both horrified to the point of irrational laughter.

By failure461 - 13/06/2011 16:37 - United States

Today, I ruined my computer screen trying to kill a fly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 579

You deserved it 41 959

Best teeth in the game

By Nochnoii - 07/10/2009 20:07 - Belgium

Today, I was chewing my pen while I was paying attention to my teacher. I chewed a bit too hard, and something broke off, so I casually looked at my pen. It was unharmed. One of my front teeth had broken off. Everyone in class, including the teacher, had to see it before I could call my dentist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 687

You deserved it 13 271

Some of these things aren't related

By Anonymous - 22/07/2022 18:00

Today, my husband is a pain. He thinks he might be bisexual, because we discovered he likes to have sex with a plug up his ass, and yet when I suggest a threesome or even if he experiments with a guy on his own, he gets this look like I want him to kiss a dead badger. I don’t know what he wants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 176

You deserved it 506

By anonymous - 11/08/2010 19:19 - Canada

Today, after saving up my money for weeks, I went to see my favorite artist in concert with my friends. Two songs in, I passed out, hit my head, and had to have someone drive me home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 969

You deserved it 7 267

Weird movie choice

By Anonymous - 09/05/2021 00:01

Today, I had my first ever date. He invited me to dinner and a movie. Then he put on "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo." I couldn’t think of an excuse to get out, so I had to wait till the end of the film. FML

I agree, your life sucks 770

You deserved it 389

Conflicting emotions

By Anonymous - 22/04/2025 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I fell down some stairs and broke my ankle. At the hospital, a nurse asked how far along I was and boom, one ultrasound later, I’m actually pregnant. I had to then convince multiple doctors that I did not in fact throw myself down the stairs trying to cause miscarriage before they’d let me go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 544

You deserved it 91

By Anonymous - 18/04/2014 22:35 - Canada - Concord

Today, my son said his first complete sentence: "Mommy likes shit." Not only will he not stop saying it, I have no idea who taught him to say it in the first place. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 395

You deserved it 4 863

By 8sq - 11/06/2011 01:32 - United States

Today, I learned the hard way that yes, a fork can get stuck in your braces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 623

You deserved it 16 363

Thank God for that

By Anonymous - 12/05/2021 02:01

Today, after helping my grandma to clear out and renovate her house, she tells me that the only reason she doesn’t hate me is because God will hate her if she does. All because I threw out a pack of biscuits with an expiry date of Nov 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 041

You deserved it 88

By iJuli - 08/04/2012 05:17 - United States - Billings

Today, my boyfriend thought it'd be a good idea to break up with me in his car. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 472

You deserved it 2 692

Haircare protip

By Anonymous - 09/06/2011 20:32 - United States

Today, I put lemon juice in my hair as a cheap and easy way to get highlights. I left it in my hair and I laid out in the backyard to get some sun. The sunshine wasn't the only thing that found me; it seems every bug in the neighborhood is now hiding in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 555

You deserved it 51 194

By SleeplessInSoCal - 09/08/2010 06:18 - United States

Today, I couldn't fall asleep till 3am and was woken approximately every hour or so. Why? I found out my new upstairs neighbors have a very active love life. She's a screamer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 128

You deserved it 3 312

By Too manly - 20/03/2013 04:54 - United States - Stockton

Today, as I was walking with my boyfriend, holding hands, a woman began screaming at us about how we "f*ggots" are "ruining America." I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 581

You deserved it 4 548

By Marian - 23/03/2009 19:37 - United States

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I was hanging out with my boyfriend. He pulled me close to him and I started to feel better, until he put my hand down his pants and around his penis and said, "Here! Try this to take your mind off it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 773

You deserved it 9 073

I hardly know you

By Disgustedafffd - 02/11/2023 20:00

Today, I found out my husband’s obsession with Hentai. Dozens of pictures and videos of half-naked Japanese anime girls. The most horrifying thing was the fact that he’s actually in a sexual relationship with his secretary, who is a petite Asian girl. I’ve just given birth to our second child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 206

Oh no…

By Somethingswrongwiththispic - 05/08/2010 08:17 - United States

Today, I was watching this show about fat people. I was wondering how people could let this happen to themselves. Then I looked down and saw a giant bowl of popcorn, ice cream, potato chips, and soda. I thus figured out how people do this to themselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 207

You deserved it 47 021

By Anonymous - 17/03/2013 19:09 - France - Minzier

Today, I went to the gym with my grandma. In the span of an hour, she was hit on more than I ever have been in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 381

You deserved it 4 314

By screaming monkey - 04/04/2012 10:13 - United Kingdom - Whitton

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 313

You deserved it 2 126

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I went to my boss with concerns that my manager is dumping her responsibilities on me. He agreed and told me to just do whatever she wants. She gets paid twice as much as me to talk on her cellphone all day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 704

You deserved it 1 034

Today, I went camping. My tent is flooded, a raccoon ate all my food, I lost the anchor to my boat which as a result is now across the lake. Three more days. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 771

You deserved it 6 901

Today, I was on a first date with a girl at the movies. Trying to be polite, I held in a fart until an intense, loud action scene came on. As soon as I let go, the scene went silent and my fart was clearly heard to everyone in the movie theatre. My date went to the bathroom. She didn't come back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 997

You deserved it 84 018

Today, I was taking the metro into DC for my internship. Two guys came in and started talking to each other in Arabic. One boy turned to the other said "Do you think shes cute?" The other responded "Her face is hideous but she has nice tits." I am fluent in Arabic. They were looking at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 91 399

You deserved it 5 444

Today, I discovered my husband of 3 years is cheating on me with another woman. Nice to know he has absolutely zero feelings for me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 333

You deserved it 182

Today, I hate sleeping late because then the day will be over like 9 hours after I get up. Turns out, though, if I get up real early, it’s me who'll be over after about 9 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 335

You deserved it 151