The Top

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By Anonymous - 31/05/2010 12:14 - Australia

Today, my fiancé admitted to me that he only found big girls attractive, and that's why he could never cheat on me with my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 606

You deserved it 6 944

Falling down

By Anonymous - 28/06/2021 00:01

Today, I was doing laundry. I went to go grab a couple of detergent pods. Forgetting that I'm 5'3 and the pods are above the industrial-sized washer, I reached for them and fell backwards into a hole where the water from the washer goes. My left leg got soaked in dirt water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 699

You deserved it 229

Checks out

By Asirual - 02/05/2011 18:02 - United States

Today, while handing out business cards to promote my new dog grooming business, I stopped to talk to a potential client. She let me get all the way through my 15-minute speech, before bothering to tell me she didn't have a dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 437

You deserved it 13 211

By alejita - 02/03/2009 05:52 - United States

Today, I overheard my daughter compliment my mother by saying "My mom is way flabbier than you, Grandma." When I told her later that she hurt my feelings, she told me to "man up." She's seven. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 162

You deserved it 9 857

Skittish

By maced face - 05/02/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, as I was walking to my car, I noticed a car with a tail light out. Trying to be a good citizen, I walked up to the driver's side door and said, "Excuse me…" The lady then maced me through the open window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 270

You deserved it 3 545

Pain in the neck

By Anonymous - 14/02/2020 05:00

Today, my mom drove my car and had to make a U-turn on a narrow street. Instead of slowing down, she sped up to turn, running off the road and denting my car. To make things worse, she blamed me for not giving her good directions, then followed that up with, "It's not that bad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 581

You deserved it 341

Thanks, I hate it!

By Anonymous - 30/06/2021 21:59

Today, for my husband's birthday next weekend, I booked a holiday which he was happy about… until I told him it was a surprise family holiday so I'd invited his kids and their families. Now he doesn’t want to go and has made up a fake work emergency. He’s a bus driver. FML

I agree, your life sucks 482

You deserved it 1 282

Busted

By amy - 08/09/2022 07:30

Today, I was released from jail. Why was I in jail? Last night, I used my taser on a much larger, drunken male individual who wouldn't physically keep his hands off me, despite me telling him to back off. Everything was on camera outside the bar, yet I'm the one who was arrested. Thank you California laws. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 406

You deserved it 236

By rani - 02/02/2013 22:34 - Norway - Oslo

Today, I came home in a really good mood, and I greeted my husband with a grin and a "Hi, babe!" He just muttered, "Why can't you just DIE?" and continued playing his video game. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 291

You deserved it 5 572

Hot hot hot

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 06:01 - United States - Steele

Today, after asking my family to quiet down at a restaurant, my mom told me to go outside. In 100+ degree weather. So I did, and after what seemed like an hour, my family ran out screaming because they thought I'd been kidnapped. I nearly got heatstroke to show my family that sensory overload is real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 317

Harsh and unfair

By Anonymous - 13/09/2022 12:00

Today, my soon-to-be-ex wife aborted our baby out of sheer spite after I caught her cheating with a man. All I’ve ever wanted is to be a mom, but I'm infertile. Also, I’m writing this from work because my boss wouldn’t let me have even one day to grieve, because I wasn’t the one who was pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 977

You deserved it 447

Kinda weird

By Michelles Mom - 10/01/2024 12:00 - United States

Today, when my baby girl was born, my husband insisted we name her “Michelle” Michelle is the name of his coworker, who he potentially has a crush on. He insists that Michelle is strictly professional and he’d divorce me if I didn’t follow through with the name. Michelle is our new daughter’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 707

By even axe would smell better - 04/02/2014 18:55 - United Kingdom - Aylesbury

Today, a kid in class kept chatting to his friend, and was made to swap seats. Every time the guy he swapped with moved, the stench from his armpits wafted over. It smelled like nacho cheese crossed with ball sweat. It got so bad that I eventually had to go dry heave in the toilets. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 672

You deserved it 3 628

By anonymous - 21/05/2010 17:26 - United States

Today, I swerved to avoid running over a dead cat in the road. Instead, I ran over its head. The crack of its skull was loud enough for me to hear it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 382

You deserved it 8 491

Viking issues

By Anonymous - 15/09/2022 09:00

Today, after I spent 3 months growing my beard and hair so I could go for the Viking look, my mom told me I look almost eerily identical to the registered sex offender who lives 2 streets away. Out come the clippers, I’m going full bald. Three months wasted FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 267

By anonymous - 31/01/2013 04:02 - Canada - Fergus

Today, my boyfriend and I celebrated our anniversary. I had cooked him a romantic meal and we were planning on eating it in front of the fire. This would have gone great had I not forgotten to unblock the chimney. My entire basement filled with smoke and didn't clear for three hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 649

You deserved it 28 902

Bad boy

By Rich - 19/05/2010 20:43 - United States

Today, I let my dog outside so he could pee. After an hour, I let him back in. He just wanted to come inside to pee on the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 310

You deserved it 4 627

Call the cops

By Anonymous - 07/09/2009 06:05 - United States

Today, I took a look at my boyfriend's videocamera. On it were several videos of me on the toilet. My boyfriend has been hiding the videocamera in the bathroom airvent, and taping me taking dumps for the past three months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 971

You deserved it 4 759

You absolute melt

By errints234234 - 13/05/2010 23:31 - United States

Today, I was reading a magazine while straightening my hair. I got really into this one article until suddenly a huge clump of hair fell on it. I looked up and realized I had burned through the layer of hair I was straightening, leaving me with one layer at ear length and the rest at bra length. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 715

You deserved it 47 509

Creeped out

By Godfree - 25/02/2009 06:19 - United States

Today, I was walking to a meeting and saw two girls trying to jump start a car in the rain. Thinking I'd be a gentleman and help them, I offered to assist. The girl whose car is broken down looks at me, looks at her friend, and says, "I think we'd better call the police." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 127

You deserved it 3 263

Clean me, humanoid

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 15:00

Today, I had to wash my cat. Twice. The first time was because he decided to roll over in the litter tray after using it. The second was the result of him pissing on the floor, then rolling in it right after I'd dried him from the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 463

You deserved it 271

Taxi!

By Anonymous - 22/01/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I brought my Tinder date back to my house to cook for her. I made her gnocchi, because she had never had it before. She forgot to tell me she was lactose intolerant, and proceeded to spend the next 30 minutes violently and loudly shitting. I poisoned my date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 130

By gutted - 21/04/2011 08:33 - New Zealand

Today, one of my really close friends changed from being 'free' to 'quite busy' in the space of one conversation because I suggested that we hang out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 538

You deserved it 3 567

Fahrenheit 451

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 15:00

Today, my sister trashed all our family's antique books, saying, "I don't want a thousand old books written by dead white men." They were family heirlooms from the 19th century, and the whole collection was worth thousands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 133

Drunken lout

By whippingpost - 08/03/2020 04:56

Today, I learned a co-worker called and awoke my boss at 3 a.m. to complain that I'd been "rude" to him. All I'd done was make a disapproving face because he'd been drinking and he was slobbering drunk, and wanted to charge his purchase to his employee account, a definite no-no when not on the clock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 583

You deserved it 134

RIP x 2

By Anonymous - 15/07/2021 06:54

Today, my mother-in-law passed away. She wasn’t even cold yet when my wife told me she wanted a divorce. Apparently, only her mother guilt-tripping her kept us together the last few years, but now she’s dead, she’s dumping my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 497

You deserved it 184

Recycling at its finest

By Anonymous - 09/10/2022 17:30 - United Kingdom

Today, I was having a vegetarian meal at my date's house. She was very proud because she grew all the veggies herself; she even made the fertiliser herself. I was halfway through the meal before I asked what she meant by "made her own fertiliser." It was human shit; her own human shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 567

You deserved it 243

By d - 26/03/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, when I was trying to break up with my boyfriend, I told him how I needed space and time to think. His response was, "Ok, we're out of condoms anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 128

You deserved it 9 558

By FenderBender - 03/09/2009 04:54 - Canada

Today, I was driving home from work and noticed the car behind me was tailgating me pretty badly. I was starting to get angry with the driver, and kept glancing in my rear view mirror at him. While I was doing so, the traffic ahead of me stopped, and I rear-ended the car in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 521

You deserved it 43 628

The Laws of Attraction

By mhogan - 10/03/2020 21:00 - Canada

Today, I was skiing and crashed into a tree. It was the only tree on the slope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 358

You deserved it 549

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The Top

Today, I was at a bar, when a heavily drunk guy came up to me and slurred "Fuucckkk lady, your face... not even with beer goggles!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 793

You deserved it 5 503

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 810

You deserved it 3 277

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend while we were on my couch having a romantic moment. She seemed incredibly excited when she saw the ring and put it on. The way she bolted out the door tells me I'm not going to see her again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 397

You deserved it 2 559

Today, I found out that the man I’ve been dating for four months still isn’t over his ex and that’s why he doesn’t want to make it official between us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 905

You deserved it 133

Today, a colleague texted me to say that I needed a haircut. Today was also the first day I attempted to ‘do’ my hair in about 5 years. Clearly, I shouldn’t have bothered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 563

You deserved it 171

Today, I took part in a karaoke night, and confidently chose "Man in The Mirror" by Michael Jackson, but forgot that the song has a key change. My attempt to hit the high note sounded like a cat being stepped on. I didn't survive the embarrassment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 185

You deserved it 471