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What's that buzzing?

By Anonymous - 04/02/2022 05:59 - New Zealand - Invercargill

Today, I thought I was in a relatively soundproof room before I started up my vibrator. It would have been, if the door wasn't wide open behind the curtains. FML

I agree, your life sucks 408

You deserved it 1 365

By Anonymous - 18/10/2014 23:05 - United States - Evanston

Today, I laughed at my grandma's chihuahua poodle mix, as it barked at me entering the house. "What are you going to do, nibble me to death?" is apparently enough to make it jump and bite me. I needed five stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 516

You deserved it 13 267

By Authentik8 - 16/09/2011 22:10 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that one of my university flatmates arrived early for Freshers Week, and had a party which involved the place being trashed. I'm going to lose some of my deposit for damage caused before I even arrived. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 939

You deserved it 2 235

Bad women's anatomy

By RazorBumps - 16/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, my boyfriend asked me why I have "crotch acne". When I attempted to explain that I have razor bumps from shaving, he got mad and said I was lying and insecure about my obvious facial and bodily acne problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 134

You deserved it 3 515

Another one bites the dust

By KLO - 05/10/2024 20:00 - United States - Seattle

Today, I found out that my husband is an undercover crypto/NFT dipshit. I found this out when I looked at our joint account to find he had transferred a hell of a lot of actual money to some sort of BTC account with a dumb name. He now claims it's "the future", and I just "don't understand." FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 96

By Frenchgirl - 16/09/2011 01:42 - United States

Today, it was my first day at school in the United States. Being from France, my French accent is really strong. After being made fun of all day, I met someone from Montreal. I was so excited and said, "Parlez-vous Français?" And his response? "HUH?!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 275

You deserved it 6 226

My life is average

By Kohsukeff - 07/12/2020 17:02 - United States - Gig Harbor

Today, as a single, 24-year old college graduate working temp jobs outside his field, the only thing I look forward to in my day is what I get to eat for dinner. FML

I agree, your life sucks 879

You deserved it 133

By Anonymous - 14/10/2014 18:57 - United States - Sebastian

Today, I got called to the guidance office, only to be told my boyfriend broke up with me. He wasn't sure how to break the news to me, so he made my guidance counselor do it for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 613

You deserved it 3 485

By Twitchy - 14/09/2011 23:20 - Bahamas

Today, I watched a cat pounce on a small bird and rip it to shreds, feather by feather. It wouldn't have been any worse than mildly disturbing, had I not just spent the last 4 weeks nursing the bird back to health from a broken wing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 804

You deserved it 3 175

By dahlia87 - 14/12/2009 17:20 - United States

Today, I got an email from the Law School Admissions Council saying that they received my request for my LSAT cancellation and they are confirming that it has been cancelled. The email also said the score will not be reinstated for any reason. I never requested for my score to be cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 007

You deserved it 2 191

Che Guevara and Debussy to a disco beat

By Anonymous - 22/03/2022 22:00

Today, my son's school actually called me to complain that despite his excellent test scores, he spends too much time reading, and has a wilfully overactive imagination, so could I please get him to stop ''reading and imagining'' so much, as it makes him hard to teach. Are they taking the piss? They must be taking the piss, right? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 775

You deserved it 113

This is actual irony, Alanis

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 04:00 - Belgium - Tamines

Today, I'm starting to have a chlorine sensitivity. I'm a swimming teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 960

You deserved it 79

By xpxp2002 - 27/05/2009 09:48 - United States

Today, I dreamed that I met this beautiful girl at a restaurant and we ended up having lunch together. Everything was going perfect until the end when I tried to get her number and she wouldn't give it to me. I can't even get a girl in my dreams. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 606

You deserved it 6 623

By thenegatives - 09/10/2014 01:12 - United States - Mckeesport

Today, my son was smart enough to hack the school's computers to change his midterm, but isn't smart enough to actually keep his grades up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 737

You deserved it 4 343

By ouch - 12/07/2013 07:22 - United States

Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 204

You deserved it 4 764

Busted

By Extended_desktop - 11/09/2011 17:53 - Poland

Today, I got bored and decided to visit a porn site. I typed in the address and hit enter. A split second later, I realized I wasn't typing into the browser address bar, but in a chat window on my other screen. I'd been chatting with a girl I wanted to get with at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 578

You deserved it 66 064

By myl1f3isfuct - 11/07/2013 00:15 - United States

Today, my college English teacher told me if I wanted an explanation for my grade I would have to schedule a conference to come to her office. It's an online class. I took an online class because I can't come in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 458

You deserved it 4 396

By Anonymous - 10/09/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I was eating some popcorn with a guy, and I noticed a piece of hair coming out my mouth. I pulled it... and pulled it... and eventually some popcorn pieces came out attached to the end of the hair. I was so embarrassed, he tried to make me feel better by saying it looked like a magic trick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 252

You deserved it 4 314

By duderboi99 - 25/05/2009 19:45 - United States

Today, I was writing a huge paper for a class as our last grade. My dog starts scratching himself. He hit the power button on the computer. Nothing was saved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 275

You deserved it 40 158

Febreze

By stinky - 21/05/2023 03:00

Today, my mom yelled at me because even though I shower thoroughly twice a day, I still stink. My mom showers once a week, never wears deodorant, and smells like roses. FML

I agree, your life sucks 836

You deserved it 136

By Krystyn Gareau - 09/09/2011 04:10 - Canada

Today, I went to Walmart with my Dad, and he decided to kick me in the butt while I was walking. When I went to kick him back, I hit my own leg out from beneath myself and landed on my face. The most embarrassing thing was that the people who saw all started clapping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 117

You deserved it 13 720

It's the thought that counts, or something

By Henji - 10/12/2009 22:21 - United States

Today, I gave a girl I like a $200 diamond necklace to express how much she means to me. She gave me a hug and told me she didn't want to lose me as a friend. Nor did she want to lose her new necklace. Today, I got a $200 hug. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 083

You deserved it 41 990

By n0taplumber - 16/11/2010 03:25 - United States

Today, I reached in between the couch cushions to see if my iPod had slipped in there. I didn't find my iPod, but I did find an old utility knife blade. With my fingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 844

You deserved it 4 838

Found one!

By Anonymous - 18/02/2022 12:00

Today, after many years of denial and avoidance, I've come to accept the fact that I'm one of those people who are turned on by furry adult art. FML

I agree, your life sucks 536

You deserved it 1 037

Dressed for success

By anonymous - 28/07/2012 13:26 - Lebanon

Today, I went on an overnight airplane flight. I wanted to be comfy so I took off my shorts, threw a blanket over myself, and slept. When the lights came back on, I ran to the bathroom before they served food. After using the bathroom, I noticed I hadn't put my shorts back on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 765

You deserved it 42 594

By mynameisarmpit - 15/11/2010 06:48

Today, I went out to eat with my girlfriend. The waiter came up and was being nice. He said, "What can I get you two gentlemen?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 749

You deserved it 4 675

Thanks, I hate it

By MdT - 23/05/2009 11:51 - South Africa

Today, my family returned from a holiday in Egypt. A holiday that I really wanted to spend with them. As if leaving me behind wasn't bad enough, they then made me watch a 200-picture slideshow of how much fun they had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 915

You deserved it 3 715

Low maintenance

By OlCasss - 05/03/2022 16:00

Today, my boyfriend told me about a girl who he loved a few years ago. He said, "She was extremely beautiful, and I fell for her for a long time. But it's like with universities, everyone wants to study at Harvard but finally ends up in a regular university that they can afford." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 209

You deserved it 129

Thanks, I hate it!

By ugly - 14/11/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, I was in McDonald's with some friends. When I got up to the register to order, the guy there appeared startled by me, and said, "Whoa, you're really pretty." No one has ever said anything like that to me before. When I told my friends, they laughed and said, "Wow. He must have been drunk." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 740

You deserved it 3 532

This is America {RUNNING ON WINDOWS 98}

By ThisIsYourDoc - 30/05/2023 12:00

Today, my hospital provides me with an IT system from the late '90s to manage the overblown patient documentation requirements of the early 2020s. In one of the richest nations on earth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 759

You deserved it 115

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The Top

Today, marks yet again another day that I've been asked if I'm autistic. No, that's just my Korean accent. Apparently I look "too white" to have one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 728

You deserved it 2 741

Today, my dad nearly had a head-on collision with another car, but I grabbed the wheel at the last second, potentially saving both our lives. He spent the rest of the car trip pissed at me because I'd "interfered" with his driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 078

You deserved it 2 924

Today, the alarm clock downstairs has been going off since 3am. The apartment belongs to two other students. They've gone home. Only 3 more days left to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 253

You deserved it 2 308

Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML

I agree, your life sucks 618

You deserved it 152

Today, I tried making homemade bread, just for fun. My girlfriend started yelling that we had perfectly good bread from the store, "but noooo, my boyfriend just HAS to make his own bread!" She ended up ruining the experience, so I just threw the dough in the garbage and went to get drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 884

You deserved it 192

Today, my whole family called me ungrateful and my parents are threatening to ground me because I turned down an invitation to go with my extended family to Hawaii for spring break. I literally just started a new part-time job, but they won't listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 418

You deserved it 105