The Top

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By HDCkid - 05/04/2009 08:48 - United States

Today, I met a new client in person for the first time. When I went to shake his hand, it was made of plastic. Startled, I laughed thinking it was a practical joke. It wasn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 593

You deserved it 62 956

Knackered

By Anonymous - 01/10/2023 14:00 - United Kingdom - Altrincham

Today, I got home after working 14 hours completely exhausted and found my wife asleep, after not sleeping for at least 4 nights with our newborn. She woke up and couldn’t remember where she'd left the baby. After a mad panic, she remembered that he's with her mother. We are not coping very well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 989

You deserved it 178

By 713 - 29/08/2010 01:36 - United States

Today, the girl I like sent me a Facebook message telling me how the message I left on her phone was one of the funniest drunk dials she's ever gotten. I'm debating whether or not I should tell her that I don't drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 521

You deserved it 4 202

By jessica071509 - 24/04/2012 05:42 - United States - Phoenix

Today, my new dog unburied my old dog and chewed on his bones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 370

You deserved it 3 700

Unfair

By Anonymous - 21/04/2021 11:01

Today, I refused to manually count $64 in pennies from a customer, because I would hold up the line and I was one of three registers open. In fact, I advised her to use the Coinstar machine in the lobby. She refused, threw a fit and demanded my manager for being “incompetent”. I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 815

You deserved it 354

By T.T - 24/08/2010 08:19 - New Zealand

Today, my fiancée broke up with me because of an argument about a printer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 892

You deserved it 6 129

By Anonymous - 21/04/2012 14:50 - United States - Cabin John

Today, I got home from work to find my boyfriend sobbing hysterically over the death of his cat. The only cat he could be talking about is the one on his Sims account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 218

You deserved it 3 245

By played - 21/06/2011 05:07 - Norway

Today, the girl I've been dating for several months, and fallen in love with, said "We're just friends, right? My mom thinks I'm leading you on." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 955

You deserved it 4 895

Right in the cussy

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, at work, the police were looking over video footage of an incident earlier in the day where a car had slammed hard into another one in the carpark. My manager came into the kitchen and asked if I wanted to come see it to for a laugh. The car that got hit was mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 78 977

You deserved it 3 295

By firethorn - 20/06/2011 05:57 - United States

Today, I opened my Father's Day present from my mother-in-law. It was a glamor shot of her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 118

You deserved it 3 584

Everyone's an expert

By Goiter - 17/06/2019 07:00 - United States - Fort Washington

Today, I was telling my fiancée about my Hashimoto's symptoms when my MIL to-be said, "You must be drinking too much alcohol. My aunt had a goiter and it only swelled when she drank, usually bourbon or beer." She then walked out of the room, perfectly content with her "diagnosis." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 710

You deserved it 171

By Jenny - 31/03/2009 00:06 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. All of a sudden he jumped off of me, going "shit, shit!". Worried, i asked him what was wrong. He shouted "I forgot to set my TiVO!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 115 367

You deserved it 8 726

Classic narcissist

By Vanessa - 28/04/2021 13:59

Today, my mother-in-law had a bitch fit because I had a miscarriage and my husband and I are having a difficult time. It’s her birthday and she said I should, “stop being an attention-hogging drama queen” and that, “shit happens, get over it” She doesn’t see what's wrong with her statements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 538

You deserved it 181

Gnarly

By Anonyme - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Switzerland

Today, my girlfriend bought several packs of bottled water, even though we have pure mountain water on tap. She did this because the pile-up of unwashed dishes in the sink makes it virtually impossible to slide a glass under the tap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 589

You deserved it 47 198

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 508

You deserved it 347

By idiotfucks - 30/04/2014 20:56 - New Zealand - Christchurch

Today, I was hanging out with my friends, and we got the idea to do some improv comedy together for a laugh. Barely two minutes into our fake political debate, everyone had apparently forgotten it was all a joke. Raging ensued, and a vicious fight quickly followed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 266

You deserved it 8 355

By creepermagnet - 10/10/2009 19:16 - United States

Today, I rear-ended a car on the parkway. We pulled over, the guy told me his car was fine, and then asked me out on a date. It was only when I said no that he decided he wanted his car fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 956

You deserved it 18 856

By Chubs - 29/03/2009 12:32 - Norway

Today, I was playing with my kid cousin outside. It was warm, so I was wearing my new bikini, and felt pretty good about myself. She suddenly turns to me and asks, "How come your tits are so small when you have such a big belly?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 73 364

You deserved it 11 658

By ilovechickens - 15/04/2012 03:46 - United States

Today, I tried to be kind to animals and get my dad to buy cage-free eggs. When I told him it was dollar more, he started yelling and making a scene in the middle of the store, saying that chickens are ugly and they deserve to suffer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 812

You deserved it 6 557

By clitty clitty bang bang - 13/04/2012 22:40 - United States - Brownsville

Today, after two years of vigorously fundraising on behalf of my senior class, they voted on spending the senior trip money at a waterpark. It's less than thirty minutes from where we all live. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 943

You deserved it 2 914

By ouch - 15/08/2010 04:39 - United States

Today, I was volunteering at a nursing home. As a volunteer, I'm not supposed to accept any money or gifts from any of the residents. However, one elderly woman kept insisting I take her gold watch. After politely refusing for the fifth time, she decided to chuck it at my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 384

You deserved it 4 118

Hey, where's my bonus?!

By moderndante - 11/09/2019 16:00 - United States - Portland

Today, my co-worker received a $1,000 bonus for a project that I do all the work on. My direct supervisor thought that I was an assistant. I send him an e-mail copy of the project every week, and have done so for the past six months. I was later reprimanded for not congratulating my co-worker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 061

You deserved it 125

Carl Tuckson

By Anonymous - 30/04/2021 20:04

Today, and until today, I'd never met anyone who took Tucker Carlson's bullshit seriously. Then, tonight, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time. I managed to bite my tongue, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 870

You deserved it 337

By sexual parrot - 21/04/2014 18:42

Today, my boyfriend's parents' parrot won't stop imitating my sex moans, and keeps doing it whenever I speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 682

You deserved it 16 133

By Girl-with-the-glasses - 11/04/2012 07:34 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I found out about my old school's class reunion, which I wasn't invited to. Everyone has my number and e-mail address. They just "forgot" to tell me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 887

You deserved it 2 876

Suspicious behavior

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that driving five miles an hour under the posted speed limit is "suspicious" and cause for a field sobriety test, breathalyzer, having your car searched and being handcuffed on the side of the road. FML

I agree, your life sucks 81 643

You deserved it 12 849

Reputation

By Joe - 22/04/2025 00:00 - United States - East Carbon City

Today, it's my wife's birthday. I'm known for being forgetful and she already thinks I don't care. I had some little things planned for today, but her sister messaged me telling me to remember her birthday before I even said happy birthday. Now my wife is crying and upset because once again, I "only act on prompt." FML

I agree, your life sucks 525

You deserved it 162

By Lee - 10/04/2012 03:50 - United States

Today, I decided to pull some weeds in my backyard. Everything was going great until I got a concussion. My dog thought that it would be fun to headbutt me from a running start. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 765

You deserved it 2 937

By badessaymyass - 17/04/2014 19:59 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I had my teacher look over my essay before turning it in. He said it was extremely well-written, so I handed it in. When I got it back, the feedback he left said it was one of the worst essays he'd ever read. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 139

You deserved it 4 624

By swedishguy - 05/10/2009 17:22 - Sweden

Today, I was paying for coffee and accidentally touched hands with the girl behind the counter. As I was walking home, I realised that was the closest I've been to getting laid in two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 423

You deserved it 5 039

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The Top

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 992

You deserved it 4 545

Today, while on vacation with my family, my mother told me to put my phone in her purse, so it wouldn't get stolen. Someone stole her purse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 253

You deserved it 2 251

Today, my 15-year-old son begged me to pre-order the next season of My Little Pony. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 166

You deserved it 7 353

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 323

You deserved it 4 627

Today, I was in the shower 'grooming' myself for my second anniversary with my boyfriend. Halfway through the hot water ran out. I now have the choice of going with the low 'half-fro' or risking hypothermia. My boyfriend thinks hypothermia would be the better option. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 597

You deserved it 28 459

Today, my upstairs neighbor congratulated me on keeping him up 'til dawn with my girlfriend and the chick in the apartment next to us. He doesn't know how I got them to agree to a threesome. Since I was at my folks all weekend, neither do I. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 219

You deserved it 2 415