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Reported!

By suspicious - This FML is from back in 2013 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I received a lovely letter from the council telling me I have to cease the act of "breeding and selling cats" because someone from my Facebook reported me. I'm pretty sure I've never owned a cat or had one in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 617

You deserved it 3 043

By thefrightening1 - 05/09/2011 15:03 - United Kingdom

Today, I'm getting kicked out of my flat because my drunk friends stole a pony and left it tied outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 412

You deserved it 3 506

By Dump Tump - 29/03/2019 22:00

Today, my flute broke. I have an exam coming tomorrow and all repair shops are closed. I guess I’ll have to lose £150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 181

By Twiddle - 07/12/2009 07:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend invited me for dinner to meet his parents. Turns out his stepmother is my gynecologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 734

You deserved it 2 919

Holiday cheer

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 14:02 - United States - Gwynn Oak

Today, I’m convinced my mother in law comes over every holiday just to make me miserable. She comes in, criticizes me food, snarks then ignores the kids. I dread every holiday and spend it getting drunk and casting F-you glances at my husband. Is it wrong to buy her a casket for the next holiday? Is it really? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 043

You deserved it 178

The runs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 04:58

Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 878

You deserved it 542

By Luna - 22/07/2012 02:30 - United States - Carmel

Today, I found a tick half-buried in my nipple. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 718

You deserved it 3 538

By willkftw - 14/04/2019 16:00

Today, despite putting all the food in the fridge, taking all the rubbish outside, cleaning the house top to bottom and setting up bait, we're still dealing with a bloody huge ant problem. I've now got a rash all over from being bitten while I sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 980

You deserved it 162

By cheerbabeXoXo - 29/06/2013 21:49 - United Kingdom - High Wycombe

Today, I overheard my dad telling my mum that the only way I'm ever going to get into a relationship is if I "pose as a woman and con some gullible bastard online." He's probably right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 629

You deserved it 4 995

By Anonymous - 19/05/2009 05:16 - Canada

Today, after a long night of partying, I was hanging out with this girl I really like. I was feeling really hungover, so we were just sitting at the park. She confessed to me that she's liked me since the day she met me. Out of excitement and hungoverness, I threw up on her shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 214

You deserved it 21 194

By vroumvroum - 07/11/2010 06:02 - Qatar

Today, after being stuck in a traffic jam for quite a long time, my GPS asked me if I wanted to switch to pedestrian mode. FML

I agree, your life sucks 527

You deserved it 52

Complaint

By Anonymous - 17/09/2014 20:07 - United States

Today, I was eating a hot fudge sundae and said that the fudge was at the very bottom and I couldn't reach it with my spoon. My husband muttered, "Fat girl problems." FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 097

You deserved it 13 187

By wooed - 03/12/2009 03:15 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend of 2 months has been faking his southern accent. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 575

You deserved it 9 032

Disney 2021

By Anonymous - 04/01/2021 14:01

Today, I realised that I'm kinda living the life of a Disney princess, because I'm lonely and all my friends are animals. Yes, I also talk to them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 161

No good deed…

By SCdriver - 16/07/2012 06:04 - United States - Lexington

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 237

You deserved it 36 274

By Anonymous - 07/11/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I received a marriage proposal at work from a 70 year-old man, covered in dirt from head to toe, who offered to be my "sugar daddy." I guess I have options after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 493

You deserved it 3 123

By Creepedout - 25/06/2013 01:27 - United States - Clearwater

Spicy

Today, I walked in on my dad's poker game. He didn't know I was there, and was telling his friends what he would do to my girlfriend if I wasn't dating her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 276

You deserved it 4 691

By Anonymous - 01/05/2019 00:00

Today, I got pulled over for violating hands-free law and not having an updated address on my driver's license. Two days ago, I got pulled over for the same reasons. Now, I have four tickets I need to deal with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 4 679

By no2057 - 09/12/2013 11:00 - Mexico - Montreuil

Today, I was in a taxi in Mexico. The driver got fed up with the traffic and decided to cross the median strip and continue the wrong way up the other side of the highway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 631

You deserved it 101

By shadyladyhh - 09/09/2014 21:00 - United States

Today, a middle-aged customer tried to pay for a $2 ice cream bar with a credit card. It was declined, so he made me swipe it again. Declined. "Quit touching the metal strip," he scowled. I held the outer edge of it and swiped. Declined. He then bitched me out as his mother paid for him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 499

You deserved it 3 303

shadyladyhh tells us more.

shadyladyhh 11

Wednesday 10 September 2014 0:55

Then the mom bought him another one 15 minutes later. Sugar free ones cost a little more, so she was mad about that too.

By RainCl0ud - 27/08/2011 06:08 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend thought it would be sexy if he bit me on the lips. Normally, I would have enjoyed it, if the lips in question were the ones on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 523

You deserved it 5 213

RainCl0ud tells us more.

RainCl0ud 22

Wednesday 2 March 2016 12:13

OP here. This man is my husband now, and all these years later, he still tries to bite me every now and then. It doesn't happen often enough for me to discuss it with him and I don't want to embarrass him when it does happen. It doesn't hurt but I just don't enjoy it.

Roasted

By Whitley - 04/11/2010 15:17 - United States

Today, I made salmon patties and boiled cabbage. I smelled smoke from my stove burner, but thought I spilled something in the burner. No big deal. Later, this horrible smell started coming from the stove. My husband took the stove apart, only to find that I had fried a mouse as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 530

You deserved it 4 088

Not a leg to stand on

By Anonymous - 19/06/2023 03:00

Today, I found I'd inherited money through the death of my childless aunt, enough to be debt free and pay my entire mortgage. My cheating ex girlfriend found out and is demanding half, since my aunt died when we were still living together under common law. She’s getting solicitors involved. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 130

Too Much Information

By Anonymous - 20/01/2021 11:02

Spicy

Today, I found out that my cross-dressing father and my recently deceased mother were having a much more "open" relationship then they'd let on, when the sheriff's department finally gave me mom's phone back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 103

You deserved it 186

By Ca ira merci - 30/07/2009 09:13 - Morocco

Today, while on holiday in Morocco, I got arrested by a cop. “Sir, you were driving at 90 instead of 70?” I was sure that I hadn’t offended, so I asked, “Where’s the speed camera?” He pointed at his eye and said, “It’s right here.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 652

You deserved it 92

Oh no…

By momma6126 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that my mother-in-law is house hunting in my town. There is a house for sale two doors down from me. In her price range. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 129

You deserved it 2 566

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 12:11 - Germany

Today, my boyfriend told me that if he was to break up with me, he would do it in a crowded location so I couldn't start to cry or make a scene. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 215

You deserved it 5 053

By NickC - 29/11/2009 00:40 - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 235

You deserved it 15 002

By jarrettsorko - 23/08/2011 16:38 - Canada

Today, someone broke into my house. They stole my TV, DVD player and a few DVDs. However they only took about 2 out of 100 DVDs. Apparently that's how bad my taste is in movies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 316

You deserved it 6 454

By halloweenless - 01/11/2010 13:14 - United States

Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 159

You deserved it 4 334

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Today, I set my phone down at work in the back while I helped a customer. When I came back it was gone. It took me twenty minutes to find, duct taped to the ceiling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 168

You deserved it 3 080

Today, my co-worker told me that my other co-worker is in the process of getting a divorce. I got really excited because his marriage is very toxic. He overheard me say, "He deserves that divorce!" I meant it in a good way, but I don't think he took it that way. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 677

You deserved it 12 060

Today, one of my husband's old college buddies came over for dinner. We reminisced about our college days, and he laughed as he told the story about my husband making up a friend, Marc Deveau, that he'd say he was visiting when he was cheating on his girlfriend. My husband still sees Marc Deveau. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 553

You deserved it 3 997

Today, my dad told me to take my stress out by getting a girlfriend. My mom laughed and said, "No that won't work, just go jack off in the shower again." FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 339

You deserved it 5 042

Today, I woke up early for a job interview. I got lost and arrived an hour late, only to find out it was the wrong day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 714

Today, my daughter gave me the “but daddy I love him” speech when she turned up to a family event with her boyfriend, who was at least 20 years older than her, was visibly intoxicated, stank of body odour and cigarettes, then tried to flirt with my wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 522

You deserved it 81