Love You what now? - FML

You what now?

Anonymous - 30/08/2013 16:14 - United States - Redmond

Today, I got home from work a little late due to bad traffic. My wife kissed me, then flew into a rage and swore that I had the taste of penis on my lips, accusing me of cheating on her with a guy. Apparently she got this insane "test your man" idea from some Cosmo-type magazine. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

My love language is…

Time for a divorce, I think - 29/03/2025 21:00 - United States - Edison

Today, I asked my wife for a kiss. She snarled, "I'm your WIFE, just fucking kiss me! You don't have to ask!" Later, I went in for a kiss and she slapped me, then yelled that it was my fault for "getting in her face." FML

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Action - Reaction

CaptBlood - 21/05/2021 00:01

Today, before I went to work, I wanted to kiss my wife goodbye while she was asleep, She punched me. FML

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What are you doing?

Tyler - 25/08/2013 04:30 - United States

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

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Anonymous - 22/08/2015 09:44 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my wife accused me of cheating. Why? Because I recently started working out, and according to her, no married man tries to improve his physique unless he's trying to look good for other women. FML

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je suis christy - 09/01/2015 19:04 - Sweden - Stockholm

Today, while heading to the bathroom, I saw my girlfriend putting some lingerie under my bed. I stupidly thought it was for some sexy time later. Well, later on, she dramatically "found" the lingerie and broke up with me. Almost everyone believes her story and thinks I'm a dirty cheater. FML

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So happy together…

Anonymous - 30/06/2022 22:00

Today, at a bar, a drunk girl kissed me, so I went home and confessed what happened to my girlfriend. She forgave me but took it as permission to admit she’s cheated sexually at least once a month for over a year, then got mad I didn’t immediately forgive her like she forgave me. FML

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Anonymous - 27/03/2016 04:46 - South Africa - Cape Town

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating after she read some of my messages I sent to an old female friend. Apparently I'm very flirty with her. I showed her the same kind of messages that I sent to my guy friends as well. Now I'm apparently gay and cheating. FML

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Detective work

broken vows - 15/03/2014 21:48 - Canada - Cambridge

Today, I followed my wife out, since she's been acting strangely lately and I was suspicious. She met up with a guy at a restaurant, who she later claimed was her brother. Either she's cheating on me, or it's tradition in her family to make out and grope each other at the end of meals. FML

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Maddening

ballnchain - - United States

Today, my insanely jealous wife flipped out and made me promise never to hug any of my female friends or go to lunch with them, ever. It's "cheating." FML

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dantko - 01/01/2014 05:04 - United States - Dearborn

Today, my wife got so drunk she kissed another guy when the ball dropped. FML

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perdix 29

Saturday 31 August 2013 2:22

She probably just had the taste of penis on her lips and got confused. Honest mistake, no harm done :D

massinator5 4

Saturday 31 August 2013 2:25

Those magazines are evil, man

Bludmagnus 13

Sunday 1 September 2013 10:01

Any woman that believes what a "women's magazine" tells them needs a reality check, plain and simple.

WeskersSexslave 15

Sunday 1 September 2013 10:29

it was probably your penis taste on her lips xD

nessernessa 5

Tuesday 3 September 2013 4:00

Haha if you like penis it's okay ;) I happen to like it too

control_machete 1

Wednesday 4 September 2013 6:29

shes going to take man card away

kevin2407_fml 2

Monday 9 September 2013 11:58

Auto-fellatio, it's completely natural.

darkfireflame 15

Thursday 12 September 2013 11:48

I'd be the one filing the divorce papers.

dudechef 8

Tuesday 8 October 2013 14:52

If she does it again just tell her it's your own

Bradley_Dillon 39

Wednesday 9 October 2013 19:25

I don't think that he'll want to kiss after that..

derpy_batman 4

Monday 3 February 2014 14:54

The taste of penis? lol

Baller_Bob 17

Sunday 23 February 2014 18:15

The taste of penis?

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my niece asked why my veins were so close to my skin. She was referring to my stretch marks. FML

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These aren't beetles... This is Sparta!

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Today, I have to fill in a (now former) co-worker's shifts for the next few weeks. She took two of those shady energy pills and downed them with root beer during her shift, causing her to pass out, and landing her in the hospital. Why do we sell these things, and why haven't they been outlawed? FML

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Today, my boyfriend told me that he gets more pleasure out of using a Q-tip than he does having sex with me. FML

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Today, I was trying on bikinis at a local store. When I put my pants back on, my foot got stuck, I tripped and fell through the curtain of the fitting room, topless. FML

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Today, I saw the guy I have a crush on kissing a blonde chick. He'd turned me down because he “wasn’t into blondes”. I’m a blonde myself. When I confronted him about it, he told me, “Oh, I should have been more specific. I’m not into blondes who have a face like Sid the Sloth and a body like Shamu.” FML

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