Today, I banged into a glass door. My friend laughed at me, so I turned around and gave him the finger, then turned back to continue walking and banged into the door again. FML
Today, I met my father, who I hadn't seen since I was a baby, at Subway. He made me pay for his meal. FML
Today, my cat died while walking around the kitchen. He had a heart attack when the toaster popped out two slices of bread. FML
Today, I took a crowded train home. I was holding on to the rail when an old man started rubbing his crotch across my hand. I moved my hand but he moved too and kept doing it. When I moved my hand higher, he started licking it. I had to wait ten minutes for the next stop. FML
Today, I woke up at 4:40AM and went to the kitchen. My brother and his steel-capped boots easily found me in the dark. FML
Today, I interviewed for a job at a pharmaceutical lab. During the interview, I said something about a past work experience that made the interviewers think that I would enjoy doing something similar to that… so they gave me a warehouse job instead. I have a degree in chemistry and biology. FML
Today, the girl I'd been seeing for a few weeks lost her mind and yanked my car's e-brake while we were on the highway. Why? Because I said I wasn't really interested in having kids. Guess I'll cross that relationship off as a "hell no". FML
well that was stupid, things don't disappear after a wave of your magic finger
Lmao omg thats funny as crap