Sex Intimacy You've tried this before, right? - FML

You've tried this before, right?

xxxzzzooo - 02/01/2010 17:22 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He tried to put it in unerected. He was serious. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
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Mr Floppy

rachiej8 - 10/06/2012 04:13 - United States - Fairlee

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex for the first time. Everything was going well, until he tried to put it in. A few minutes later, he said, "It's not hard enough." We tried for another half hour to fix that. We ended up eating ice cream. FML

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firsttimer69 - 20/03/2009 06:11 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to have sex. I was a virgin and he wasn't. About 30 seconds in he collapsed on me. I thought he was joking around and I started laughing. He wasn't joking. He was done. FML

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Darcy - 26/10/2011 06:58 - Australia

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. He passionately laid me down onto the bed, both of us fully naked. Pressing down on my shoulder, he ended up dislocating it. The pain made me pee myself. FML

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Running gag

needsomelove - 20/10/2019 06:00 - France

Today, my boyfriend and I tried to have sex. Foreplay was amazing, but as soon as he started to get it in, he lost his erection because he was too nervous. He's a 30-year-old virgin and this has happened at least 10 times. FML

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Holes

Anonymous - 26/12/2011 00:07 - United Kingdom

Today, I walked in on my boyfriend trying to put his penis in a hole in our bedroom wall. FML

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ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

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Quickshot

anon - 31/08/2014 15:14 - United States

Today, while finally about to make love with my long-term boyfriend, he came from putting a condom on. FML

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Not feeling it

thisisstupid_17 - 16/11/2016 14:47

Today, I met up with my boyfriend early before work to have some "fun time". We hadn't had sex in a while and decided to try it doggy style, up against the wall. We had been doing it for about 15 minutes until he abruptly stopped and said, "I don't know if it's in." It was. FML

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Booming

Anonymous - 26/04/2013 22:22 - United States - Arvada

Today, things got pretty steamy between my boyfriend and me. We started doing stuff that neither of us had tried before. Then, he straddled me with a raging erection and boomed, "IT HAS RISEN!" He didn't understand why I was suddenly no longer in the mood. FML

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Evra - 16/04/2015 05:04 - United States

Today, my husband came too soon during sex. He then tried to pretend it didn't happen and continued. He humped me with a half-erect noodle for about seven minutes before I finally called him out. FML

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xGet_Over_It 0

Thursday 1 April 2010 5:38

what the hell is this? 16 year olds talking about their "boyfriends" erected penis?

wags883 0

Saturday 2 January 2010 20:29

my boyfriend tries that too. by the time the tips in he's hard as a rock :)

jcpt1984 0

Friday 8 January 2010 7:08

this isn't the first time I've heard of that happening... sounds like someone is SEVERELY misinformed - how do you even go about having sex not knowing that very basic information? WOW! @ your bf, not you, of course.

knight0748 5

Saturday 9 January 2010 2:37

maybe it is erected.... your bf has a tiny weeny?

flames45640 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 7:22

god!! the people on here are mean!!!!!

davina_fml 0

Sunday 10 January 2010 22:34

hm i think maybe he jus couldn't get hard and tried putting it in thinking it would work. that doesn't mean the OP is ugly/fat. it could be jus his problem. . . but who knows, cuz i don't kno what the OP looks like either. hahah. Get him some **** or somethin goddamn. xD

theelysium 0

Friday 15 January 2010 9:29

he was probably nervous trying to use your puss to get it hard. I have done this. Rub the head on the hole and let it grow inside. he could also be limp from a damn condom. ******* things! I sware they were invented by a woman!

ninjapiratejesus_fml 20

Saturday 20 October 2012 7:12

They were invented to keep people like you from having a child.

whataloadofbull 0

Saturday 16 January 2010 16:09

#21's score: 20 #51's score: 6

camzer 0

Tuesday 19 January 2010 0:30

You were about to have sex and he wasn't hard? That guy's got issues

Submissive_Vixen 0

Sunday 24 January 2010 3:52

my boyfriend does that too lol

likethatpanda 0

Sunday 31 January 2010 8:35

mine does that all the time. nothing turns me off more than feeling his limp noodle.

XxxCowgirl 5

Monday 1 February 2010 1:58

happened to me just a few days ago =/ sorry

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I went over to my boyfriend's house to break up with him. When I got there, I got sent on a scavenger hunt that ended with him proposing to me. FML

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Today, I was babysitting, and after the kids fell asleep I started hiding the Easter candy. They woke up when I was half-done, and it didn't take them long to figure out what was going on. They won't stop crying, and every time I go near them, they scream "LIAR!" FML

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Today, my new girlfriend's father made good on his "What you do to her I do to you" threat when he took me out for drinks and then drunkenly hit on me. FML

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Today, my girlfriend wasn't kidding when she said that if I hit her cervix just the 'right' way during sex, she'd puke. I was on the bottom. FML

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Today, I went to collect my clothes out of the dryer. Thinking it would be fun for my small dog, I brought her with me. I put her down and let her sniff around while I put my clean clothes in a basket. I turned around from putting more clothes in the dyer to catch her peeing in my clean clothes. FML

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Today, I got fired from my new job. It was the start of my third week, and I got fired for not opening the store. The manager forgot to give me keys to open the store, and was two hours late. FML

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