Miscellaneous What are the odds? - FML

What are the odds?

pchis4ever - 20/11/2009 18:30 - United States

Today, I was eating at KFC when my roommate unexpectedly showed up. He asked me who I was there with, and I told him I was on a sexy date with his mom. Just then a woman 5 feet away turned around and gave me a disgusted look. Guess whose mom was in town visiting for the weekend? FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Anonymous - 03/01/2012 05:32 - United States

Today, I went on a first date with a guy I really like. He brought up that there was a person staring at us from a nearby table. That person was my mom. FML

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lifesux - 05/02/2011 21:28 - South Africa

Today, my mom and I were escorted out of the KFC because my mom tried to mug and pick a fight with another customer. FML

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Nice try

bigmouth - 02/08/2009 07:35 - United States

Today, I was working as a host at a pasta diner. The hostess I was working with was very attractive and we were flirting quite a bit. A large woman walked in to be seated, and I leaned over to her and dared her to ask the woman if she wanted two chairs. She leaned back and said, "That's my mom." FML

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And I oop

SuperBunny - - United States

Today, my boyfriend was taking me to dinner to meet his parents. As we pulled into the restaurant valet, I saw a woman in a slutty dress and hooker heels get out of the car ahead of us. I jokingly asked if we had accidentally pulled into a strip club, pointing at the woman. It was his mother. FML

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Weird flex, but OK

incestastic - 14/08/2010 23:23 - Canada

Today, one of my mum's dinner guests walked in on me and my boyfriend kissing, only to let out a horrified scream. Apparently, my mum had introduced my boyfriend as her son, as she's embarrassed of my real brother. FML

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My mum is weird

Anonymous - 03/11/2023 16:00

Today, my mum came to visit me in the country where I'm studying. We went out, and when she saw a dude eating something she liked the look of, she made me run after him to ask where he bought it. The guy was my ex. FML

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crawfo - 31/08/2009 13:54 - Australia

Today, whilst on a date I recieved my sixth missed call from my mother. I excused myself and went outside and called her, she and my father wanted to know why I was having dinner and holding hands with another man. It turns out they were also on a date. At the same place. FML

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sonofmilf - 17/05/2009 05:46 - United States

Today, I was working at a grocery store when a couple of my co-workers called a code pink in aisle 22, which means there was an attractive woman in that aisle. After hearing about how hot she was, I went over to see her for myself. It was my mom. FML

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Nice to meet you… again

pleaseno - 24/07/2009 00:52 - United States

Today, my mother invited me to a nice restaurant to meet her boyfriend whom she's been seriously dating for a month. Imagine my surprise when she led me to a table and my boyfriend's father stood up, shocked, to greet me. Rather than being horrified, she is now planning double dates every week. FML

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Brian - 20/11/2012 15:50 - United States - Sandston

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house having dinner with her and her parents. I was casually playing footsie with my girlfriend under the table, until her mom stopped eating and said, "You know that's my foot, right?" FML

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allmidnighteyes 10

Friday 20 November 2009 23:14

YDI for eating at KFC, and for thinking "your mom" jokes still hold any comedic value.

rosy_fml 0

Friday 20 November 2009 23:16

You could've just ended with "His mom was in town visiting for the weekend". Don't tell us what to do.

Witchcraft_fml 4

Saturday 21 November 2009 23:17

I'm going to have to agree with #52 here. Although, "your mom" jokes are old.

xoluvinshayxo 0

Monday 23 November 2009 1:53

wow...chew it over with a twix(;

britty_bee 0

Monday 1 February 2010 10:31

tool alert everyone hahaha. though that is funnnny as.

LMA0x10 0

Monday 1 March 2010 7:04

lmaoo i cannot stop laughing !

rockinkid77 0

Wednesday 17 March 2010 18:19

my actual mother makes your mom jokes. and she has walked in when my friends have done things like this and she thinks it's hilarious.

hassenpfeffermmm 0

Thursday 22 April 2010 20:27

KFC tortures their chickens. Pam Anderson has a video about it on the net.

pOTATERS_ 0

Saturday 7 August 2010 6:50

why does everyone end with a question? guess who/what...?

tchaikovsky93 0

Monday 16 August 2010 16:19

Hahahahahahahhagagagagagagagagaga

seb6969 6

Tuesday 1 May 2012 22:28

I love eating KFC. And I love eating your mom.

DeuceMcCoy 0

Thursday 2 August 2012 9:25

in all reality I think she's the bad guy in this.

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I saw an attractive man outside the club I was trying to get into to. We talked, and ended up having sex in my apartment. The next day when I was dropping him off, I discovered he was homeless and was outside the club begging for money. My house is suddenly out of bread and cheese. FML

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Today, the girl who broke up with me and disappeared 6 years ago wished me a happy Father's Day. FML

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Today, I was trying to take a cute selfie on a hiking trip. As I leaned against a boulder to get the perfect shot, a squirrel jumped out of nowhere and attacked me, probably thinking I was after its food. I dropped my phone into a creek, and my friends took a picture of me freaking out instead. FML

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Today, my mom got arrested for statutory rape. She apparently had sex with my best friend during a cookout, which was to celebrate my dad's cancer going into remission. FML

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Today, I brought a girl home from a bar. Things were getting hot and heavy when she asked if I had a condom. I opened my wallet to grab the one I keep in there, only to find the empty wrapper in its place; it was the only one I had. It seems drunk me is a bigger jerk than I thought. FML

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Today, we told my fiancé's parents that I'm pregnant. His mom's response? "I'm going to throw up. You can't raise a child." We are both 28, self-sufficient and everyone else is thrilled. FML

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