Intimacy MY EYES - FML

MY EYES

bleach bleach bleach - 22/12/2013 17:22 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, it's been a little over a month since my dad started taking yoga lessons. We always joked around behind his back that he was just doing it so he could get flexible enough to suck himself off. Well, that joke was confirmed as reality when I walked in on him trying just that. FML

56 914

7 767

Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

Anonymous - 01/08/2012 09:02 - United States

Today, I discovered that the only reason my husband is taking yoga classes with me is because he wants to be flexible enough to suck his own rod. FML

39 756

6 607

nooneatall - 15/01/2010 03:16 - France

Today, I was doing a shit load of sit-ups on my mattress. After realizing the bed was squeaking, I heard my dad laughing very hard from the basement. He thought I was masturbating. FML

13 976

20 266

-.- - 13/04/2014 22:16 - United Kingdom - Epsom

Today, my dad found out that I'm a member on a bodybuilding forum and decided to join it too. It's only been a few hours, but he's already told everyone that he's my dad, posted that I'm a "total pussy in real life", and questioned my sexuality. Thanks. FML

45 330

5 223

What's going on?

Damn - 26/06/2024 02:00 - United States

Today, I found out my dad goes to therapy. Confused, I asked him what was going on. He said, "You" without any hesitation. I don't know if he's joking or not. If he is, I don't find that very funny. If he's not, I don't even know what I've done. FML

407

178

Danger zone

didntevenknow - 13/08/2012 15:06 - Malaysia - Kuala Lumpur

Today, I was fooling around on Omegle, when I came across a guy who claimed he could suck himself off. I was doubtful, but morbidly curious, so I told him to prove it. Turns out he could. Before I could close the browser window in horror, my dad walked in and got a good look too. FML

14 582

38 187

Nearly there

sally - 25/01/2014 17:42 - United States - Augusta

Today, after 3 months of no orgasms, I was in the shower, working to rectify that. As I was seconds away from coming, my dad loudly knocked on the door and demanded to know how much longer I was going to take. Probably another 3 months now, dad. FML

56 849

9 501

Niiiiiice!

cameltoeyourface - 26/07/2010 00:42 - United States

Today, I was wearing my yoga pants for my boyfriend. He's infatuated with them. He claims they make my ass look nice. I found out it's because I constantly get a camel toe, and it gives him a semi every time he sees it. I found this out by listening to him and his father at dinner. FML

35 032

10 432

Burn the witch!

fanaticalfuckspawn - 25/08/2014 20:14 - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I told my mom I've been taking yoga lessons, and that it'd be cool if she took some with me. She immediately went on a rant, calling yoga "satanic" and accusing me of trying to get her into "devil worship". Well, that's the last time I try to patch our relationship up. FML

39 199

3 172

kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

30 552

11 130

LondonKitsch - 26/06/2009 16:51 - United States

Today, I finally got into a yoga class with the instructor I've been crushing on for 2 years. As he walked closer to greet me, I lifted my leg over my head into a full split, and queefed obnoxiously loud. He responded with his gag reflex. FML

50 853

29 781

animalxcrackers 20

Monday 23 December 2013 2:20

well, it's called self-meditation for a reason, i guess.

DocBastard 38

Monday 23 December 2013 2:38

For all you women out there, EVERY guy has tried this at least once. And any guy who denies trying it is lying his ass off.

Tannasgh 22

Saturday 28 December 2013 7:16

Ewww

JoBHarvelle 7

Saturday 28 December 2013 13:56

I bet that was an awkward conversation to have

Anthony52_fml 9

Tuesday 31 December 2013 0:40

I do yoga myself......now I think I may want to stop!

Fuzy2K 7

Tuesday 31 December 2013 13:33

It's the Ron Jeremy workout!

xadoringx 29

Thursday 16 January 2014 21:54

Oh my :/

EasyE1 4

Monday 10 February 2014 23:12

Lmaoooo! Thats disgusting.

Beanu 20

Wednesday 23 April 2014 7:10

That's terrible.

Bullet75 8

Wednesday 30 July 2014 22:58

The ribs don't stop it guys, I've seen it *oh god why*

TheRealCT 5

Thursday 2 October 2014 8:04

the bad thing for me is, I could do that naturally

li20011k 6

Saturday 12 September 2015 5:17

Did he do it?

6
7
8
9
10

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I got really sick after drinking a lot of alcohol and started throwing up. Every time I threw up into the toilet, the water would splash back up into my face. FML

837

3 215

Today, after a large, dramatic fight with my girlfriend in a parking lot, we stopped arguing altogether and hugged, dropping the issue. Twenty seconds later, I accidentally slammed her hand in the car door, breaking two of her fingers. FML

49 858

14 280

Today, my husband finally broke our two-month dry spell. I don't know what's more depressing: the fact that it had been two months or that he's horrible at sex. FML

14 289

2 798

Today, I realized that I have completely fallen for this incredible guy, and that I'm really looking forward to where our relationship will take us. He just informed me that he will be doing jail time following his court date on Tuesday. FML

28 047

5 850

Today, I had to drive the guy I've been seeing for the past few months to the emergency room. So that he could witness the birth of his newest child. FML

30 551

8 379

Today, I caught my cat humping my dog while he was asleep. I'm sleeping with the door closed from now on. FML

38 333

3 855