Intimacy It's funny because it's true

It's funny because it's true

screwed - 22/05/2009 00:18 - United States

Today, after a night of drinking, I woke up with some chips in my bed. I thought it was funny so I went to tell my roommate. Her response was, "That's so funny! It's a typical night out for the two of us. I wake up the next morning with a boy in my bed and you wake up with food in yours." FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

paulinapo - 30/05/2013 01:53 - United States - Staten Island

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

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Anonymousse - 13/11/2015 12:34 - United Kingdom - Pontypridd

Today, my roommate came home after a night of heavy drinking and started urinating on my bed. When I confronted him, he just slurred, "Sorry, thought it was my bed." FML

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:( - 27/01/2014 22:31 - Algeria

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

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Busted!

Anonymous - 05/07/2024 06:00 - United States

Today, I was secretly snacking on my roommate’s chips. I heard her coming, so I shoved the chips under my bed and pretended to read. She came in, sniffed the air, and said, "I know you stole my chips. The evidence is on your face." I had orange cheese dust all over my mouth. FML

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Giving

nt121511 - 03/08/2016 22:40

Today, I woke up after a long night of taking care of my drunken husband. I guess I should feel lucky I don't have a generic, "He wet the bed in his sleep" story, and instead have a unique, "He got out of bed and peed on me" story. FML

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Drunk hookup ends with a… bang

Anonymous - 14/10/2019 12:00

Today, I woke myself up by farting in my sleep, only to realize that the guy I'd brought home from the bar was still next to me. He was awake. FML

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Moeswifey - 24/10/2010 17:11 - United States

Today, I woke up to my boyfriend making breakfast. I thought he was making it for me, so I sat at the table. When he walked over with his plate, he said, "Oh, I didn't know you were here!" I'd slept in the same bed with him last night. FML

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Jebus - 24/01/2009 16:07 - Canada

Today, I brought a girl home from the bar. After sleeping together, she drunkenly stumbles to the bathroom to wash up. On her way back, she accidentally walks into my parents' room, turns on the lights and asks where her clothes are before figuring it out. FML

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drunk - 06/03/2010 07:38 - Australia

Today, I woke up on a friend's floor with a massive hangover after her party last night. My friend, who was next to me, barfed all over me. She then told me that while I was drunk last night, I made out with her dog as well as two of our other friend's boyfriends. FML

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Anonymous - 14/05/2015 02:37 - United Kingdom

Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML

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xkaokaox 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:15

It's okay... food can't get you preggers.

rrjr010 0

Friday 22 May 2009 10:20

She just called herself a ****, your life is fine.

Endymion_fml 0

Friday 22 May 2009 11:33

Better than the other way around.

HellEnvenom 0

Friday 22 May 2009 11:37

Don't worry, you can always hope that your room mate gets an STD.

sarumanthewhite 0

Friday 22 May 2009 11:48

she's the ****, not you

Serial 2

Friday 22 May 2009 11:53

maybe the ants that come for the chips can screw you, better than nothing, right?

milkradio 0

Friday 22 May 2009 11:55

Your roommate's a bitch.

sarumanthewhite 0

Friday 22 May 2009 11:55

so in your home you've got an obese, greedy bed-ridden drinker and a dirty ****? sounds like a barrel of laughs

dyld921 2

Friday 22 May 2009 11:58

She was obviously joking. Have a sense of humor.

Sonuvabitch 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:11

Eh, easy girls are not by any means attractive. Not like I wouldn't take advantage of one, but like, I'm glad the girl I'm with has never been an easy **** like that. So she might get boys, but none of them will want to stick around if she's been with 10+ guys. I wouldn't at least.

wtfuckery 0

Friday 22 May 2009 12:12

I don't know if she's trying to call you fat or if you really are or not, but if you are, you can always lose the weight....herpes are forever. So you win either way.