Parenting, Dad jokes Work Great joke Dad, thanks - FML

Great joke Dad, thanks

Anonymous - 05/07/2014 17:53 - United States

Today, my dad interrupted my job interview with a phone call, just to say, "I fucked your mom." No shit, dad. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

Secret life

Anonymous - 06/08/2020 20:00

Today, the phone rang, it was some woman who wanted to speak to my dad. “It’s probably his mistress,” I said jokingly. Turns out it was. FML

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Thanks mom

unemployed - 24/08/2012 18:00 - United States - Alhambra

Today, my mom called while I was at a job interview. I ignored the call, but the interviewer was so offended by the fact I'd rudely left it on at all, that he threw me out. I found out from my mom later that she'd called to wish me good luck. FML

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CmS_1733 - 11/02/2016 18:59 - United States - Pottsville

Today, after long day at work, I stopped by my parents' house to say hi. After 30 minutes into the visit, my dad turns to me and asks, "Did you really have to stop by while I was balls deep?" Apparently I interrupted my parents' sex time. FML

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Lisa - 02/01/2010 07:02 - United States

Today, my boyfriend called my cell. I picked up and said "Hi, this is Lisa and I want you to fuck me raw". It was my dad. He was at my boyfriend's parent's house and forgot his phone. FML

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There's a time and a place

Hanna - 03/04/2011 17:55 - United States

Today, while driving with my step mother, she attempted to have phone sex with my dad. FML

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Not on the weekend

jtaylor94 - - Canada

Today, my dad's boss called our house and I answered. He said, "Is your dad home?" I replied, "I'll go check." I put the phone on mute and asked my dad if he wanted to talk to his boss. My dad says, "Does that asshole not have a life?" Turns out the phone wasn't on mute, it was on speaker. FML

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Sex work is work

Anonymous - 02/01/2016 22:31 - United States

Today, I got a call from my dad asking if I was a porno actress. I am. FML

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Anonymous - 22/05/2010 23:22 - United States

Today, while having sex with my boyfriend, my dad called my cell. He ended the phone call with, "and tell your boyfriend to shut up, I can hear him moaning." FML

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Nope out of there

twintowers - 04/07/2009 20:30 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were having phone sex. It got very wild and soon was interrupted by a knock on my door. My dad had come home early from work, and heard the whole thing. He demanded my boyfriend to come over, and he had a sex talk with him on the couch in front of the whole family. FML

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Anonymous - 05/03/2016 05:57 - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

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Mercyfulsin 7

Saturday 5 July 2014 22:51

I'd suggest putting the phone on silent next time you go for a job interview!

HotBox69 4

Saturday 5 July 2014 22:51

Haha, that's ******* hilarious

GregoryStalver_fml 6

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:02

You answered your phone during a job interview ?

aBanana_1 10

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:08

Classy

worldclassrager 39

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:27

Why the hell would he have to tell you?

sempisaviour 17

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:34

lol?

FeliciaG 3

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:46

hilarious!!!

aimzskee 30

Sunday 6 July 2014 1:46

I think this deserves a follow up

laden_swallow09 34

Sunday 6 July 2014 2:13

Y U no turn off phone? It's an interview, for pity's sake!

ladyg228 15

Sunday 6 July 2014 2:18

Lol winning for your dad

loathingloser 14

Sunday 6 July 2014 2:26

You ************

mattrd_fml 31

Sunday 6 July 2014 3:19

You should have your phone turned off during a job interview. ydi

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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Suspicious Sex Intimacy Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was playing Charades. My boyfriend, who I'd recently had a fight with, had trouble and just said his answer was the name of my celebrity twin. Nobody got it. He said "Really? It's Fat Bastard." Stunned silence followed, broken by a single "HAH." from my 'best friend'. FML

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Today, my fiance told me that his father would need to check my hymen is intact to ensure I'm pure before we get married. This is a new one. FML

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Today, I walked in on my mom in the bathroom, washing a dildo. FML

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Today, I learned that my insecurities regarding my dick size were unfounded, as my girlfriend gushed over my dick and said it was amazing. We then got down to business, and almost immediately heard, "Ow! Fuck, that's my cervix! This hurts! Stop!" FML

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Today, I was shopping for dresses when my fiancé turned into what I can only call a groomzilla. He told me and my maid of honor that we need to lose weight because he's not "paying all this money for a pair of fatties to not look good." FML

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Today, I was at a baby shower with my wife. I went to go outside for some fresh air, but walked straight into their glass sliding door. Everyone stared at me. I smiled with embarrassment and walked back over to my wife, only to trip over my own feet and faceplant the floor. FML

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