Crystal Ball Cat By FML Approved - 31/10/2017 03:00 Now stop trying to touch my belly and just go away! I agree, your life sucks 464 You deserved it 127 Share Tweet Share
Today, I woke up when the guy I had spent the night with slid out of bed. When he realized I was awake, he looked down at me, shook his head, and said "I've gotta lay off the beer..." FML I agree, your life sucks 53 469 You deserved it 14 025
Today, the rash on my thigh started itching again. I felt good after a vigorous scratch, but the relief did not extend to my roommate, who only saw me at my laptop with my hand moving up and down in my pants. FML I agree, your life sucks 47 637 You deserved it 8 350
Today, I started my new job. The first thing my coworkers asked me is what football team I like. When I told them I didn't really like sports, they immediately stopped talking to me and haven't since, even when I ask them work-related questions. FML I agree, your life sucks 24 806 You deserved it 2 781
Today, I called my wife from work to check in on her because she's eight months pregnant. She didn't answer. Instead she showed up at my work hysterically crying and screaming, "You don't love me because I'm a fat whale!" She then knocked everything off my desk. FML I agree, your life sucks 36 955 You deserved it 3 403
Today, I found my neighbors' cat that had bolted after surgery. Its surgical collar had gotten caught when jumping a fence. It's been 15 hours. I can still feel the life leave its body as I tried to save it. I still see the look on the young daughter's face as she ran out to find me holding her lifeless cat. FML I agree, your life sucks 1 467 You deserved it 84
Today, my wife of 10 years bought me a bottle of wine, a wine rack, and a wine accessory kit for my birthday. She knows I don't like wine. FML I agree, your life sucks 19 867 You deserved it 1 815