Health Fire Close but no cigar

Close but no cigar

Anonymous - 23/12/2015 23:26

Today, while lighting a cigar, I set my beard on fire. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
Discover all the best anecdotes from the month of January, with or without snow, with or without you. …

kaycie_lynn - 19/02/2010 01:11 - United States

Today, I chuckled at a "No Smoking" sign as I lit my cigarette. I bent my head down to light it and somehow managed to light my hair on fire. FML

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This is lit

a genius - 12/02/2009 13:28 - United States

Today, I lit a cigarette in the opposite direction of the wind. My hair blew into it, and caught on fire. FML

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Fireball

Anonymous - 03/07/2022 22:00

Today, I went into work to finish one last task, but decided to also have a fire in the pit. I grabbed the wrong can of fuel and ended up taking a fireball to the face, singed the hair on my head, arms, and I have to shave my beard off… Well, what’s left of it. FML

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crayons128 - 24/01/2011 06:13 - United States

Today, I was at a fire roasting marshmallows. When mine caught on fire, I pulled it back so I could blow out the flames. It flew off the stick, and, still flaming, landed on my face. FML

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Anonymous - 06/01/2015 16:40 - Vietnam - Ho Chi Minh City

Today, at a candlelit dinner, I accidentally set my dad's leg on fire. FML

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Testing, testing

BubbaYoshi117 - 07/01/2020 20:00 - United States - Kirkland

Today, I was refilling my lighter. Afterwards, I gave it a test light. I must've spilled some fluid because my thumb caught on fire. FML

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why? - 01/05/2015 13:41 - United States

Today, I was supposed to light candles at my aunt's wedding. I accidentally lit the groom on fire. FML

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Anonymous - 19/09/2011 20:27 - United States

Today, while playing with a lighter, I jokingly told my boyfriend I would burn his mustache off. He responded by telling me he would burn off mine. FML

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Hack it off

Anonymous - 09/04/2021 08:00

Today, I managed to shave a single stripe out of the right side of my beard before the trimmer sparked and caught fire. I have a job interview in twenty minutes. FML

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I'm awake

meh beard - - Canada - Bowmanville

Today, my roommate thought it was a good idea to set my beard on fire to wake me up. FML

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GokuSS400 18

Thursday 24 December 2015 7:39

One very good reason to stop smoking

Kuibe 18

Thursday 24 December 2015 7:42

You see kids smoking hurts you in more than one way!

zachb20 15

Friday 25 December 2015 4:21

WHY IS THE CATEGORY LOVE

hotJUICEbox75 13

Friday 25 December 2015 4:56

Manliest problem ever

Karrthus_fml 12

Friday 25 December 2015 10:58

That is the manliest FML I've ever read

quazimozart 19

Saturday 26 December 2015 3:58

Do you happen to be Castro?

pasupathymuthu 16

Saturday 26 December 2015 9:26

How come Fidel Castro never had this problem?

BtwYoureAdopted 21

Sunday 27 December 2015 8:10

How to sound classy as **** as quickly as possible: a book by OP

fonkimonki 7

Sunday 27 December 2015 15:40

You don't have to be an idiot to smoke cigars and have a beard, but clearly you are.

anonseal 9

Sunday 27 December 2015 16:16

Don't smoke, then. Problem solved.

nameisname 12

Sunday 27 December 2015 19:38

Smoking a bad mkay

Distantsoul 8

Monday 28 December 2015 22:45

Aww the woes of being a hipster

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Love Coworkers Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, my boyfriend had always told me that his mom was dead. Apparently he just meant she’s dead to him. She’s actually a con artist. I just met her for the first time, after learning she impersonated me, stole my savings, ran up credit card debt, and bought 3 cars. FML

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Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket. FML

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Today, my family had dinner with my future in-laws for the first time. After a bottle of wine to herself, my mother loudly insisted that I'm out of her will. Apparently, I "molest towels" and leave them to "fester for days" in my "den of depravity." I'm sure they'll give me their daughter now. FML

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Today, I used Siri to text my VP asking for a good time to talk. Siri helpfully changed the text to ask for a "good time to talk my dick" and sent it before I could change it. FML

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Today, while driving home from work, I saw my boyfriend mugging a woman on the sidewalk. FML

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Today, my BFF and I put our kids on the bus, and went shopping and have lunch. We were both eating a gross amount of Taco Bell sitting in the middle of the parking lot. The cops pulled up. Someone had called them, saying we were doing drugs because of the way we were sitting. FML

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