OP, you have my sympathy. My own wife was jealous of my ex even though I initiated the divorce. Unfortunately some people are just insecure. Usually this gets better with time. In my case I proactively showed my wife all the messages I had with the ex (we had a son and that meant continued contact of a degree regarding son)... If your wife is not able to get over the unreasonable jealously she has of the ex, you have two choices - Either be very careful to avoid their ever being in the same place or try to help her to deal with the insecurity. You might consider couples counseling if it's available to you. If neither of those work, the final solution is to remove yourself from the drama. We can love someone, but sometimes you have to cut the tie if they are dragging you under.

30 years?! You need to get out of that party!

stop allowing it

I'm sorry your going through ybat. you would think after 30 years your wife wouldn't be jealous of the ex.

Divorce her now.