Added flavor Anonymous - - United States - Omaha Today, I came into the kitchen to see how dinner was coming along. My mother was milling the meat around the skillet with the cat's poop scooper as a spatula. FML 46 422 3 022
Today, and for the past couple of months, I've been feeling really down. A few days ago, I met a girl from Germany, we made out, and I started reading her favorite book. I learned earlier today that she'd gone back to Germany and forgot to tell me. I’ve been waiting all day to see her. FML 809 174
Today, my mentally-unhinged mother reached a new level of psycho - she threw a tantrum and raged at my father, accusing him of cheating on her with our cat. FML 39 519 2 793
Today, my pregnant wife paged my emergency line at work. Thinking she was in serious danger, I raced home and found her hysterically crying. When I asked her what was going on, she replied, "The dogs won't stop barking!" FML 53 989 6 445
Today, my son invited me to his first standup comedy gig. I accepted, only to later suffer through an hour of the worst jokes I've heard in my entire life. It was so bad, he made Dane Cook look like a comic genius, and I had to resist heckling him. Hours later, I still feel vaguely suicidal. FML 29 954 6 052
Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML 32 559 3 623
Today, I began to sign "I love you" to my boyfriend from across the room. I ended up just poking myself in the eye. FML 37 499 10 329
What a... I'm not going to go there
this needs follow up.