NSFW

Damper

By bleh - 23/11/2009 22:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my fiancé and I were fooling around when his foreskin ripped and bled all over the place. After a trip to the emergency room, the doctor told us no sex for six weeks to let it heal. We're getting married and going on our honeymoon in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 588

You deserved it 6 856

The talk

By Anonymous - 22/10/2014 16:09 - Norway - Egersund

Spicy

Today, my 17-year-old son managed to easily convince my 13-year-old daughter that if you have sex before getting married, you'll instantly get horrible diseases that will kill you. Her freaking out is how I found out she's not only gullible as hell, but sexually active as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 347

You deserved it 6 076

Let's get it on

By None of that means consent to sex - 08/04/2026 20:00 - United States

Spicy

Today, I told my husband that I didn't feel like sex. He said, "Funny, I didn't feel like driving to the store for your milkshake earlier, or digging up the flowerbed, or deep cleaning your car, but I did all that to make you happy. Don't I deserve a little reciprocation?" Jesus Christ, I married an asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 227

You deserved it 1 475

Intense heat

By Anonymous - 22/03/2011 05:54 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was making out with my boyfriend in his bedroom. It was getting pretty intense, so he got up to close the door. While he was facing the other way, I took off my bra and sling-shot it so that it would hit him. Right when I let go of it, his mom walked in and it hit her in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 610

You deserved it 29 692

Stiched up

By familyofpsychos - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Elkhorn

Today, I found a notebook my 12-year-old sister had been doodling in. Turns out the "doodles" were poems full of obscenities and descriptions of how she wanted to hurt herself. When I showed it to my mom, she accused me of writing the notebook myself to frame my sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 965

You deserved it 2 462

By youshitme - 25/11/2009 14:45 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I was at work, working on a new play. In the final dress rehearsal, I heard some of the crew laughing so I looked down at the very revealing costume to see that my left testicle was hanging out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 415

You deserved it 7 847

Shocked and confused

By myparentsarehoes - 03/08/2009 16:33 - Canada

Spicy

Today, I was at a bar with my friends for my 19th birthday when I saw my dad grinding some chick that was not my mom. I confronted him and told him I was telling mom. He then pointed across the bar to my mom with another man. I just found out my parents are swingers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 418

You deserved it 5 787

Learning curve

By Anonymous - 05/11/2023 21:00

Spicy

Today, I took my new boyfriend's virginity about 10 minutes ago. He kept whispering, "It’s inside you, it’s actually inside you… feels kind of sticky, slippery, it’s actually inside you I can’t believe it.” It was super off-putting and a bit creepy. And no, I definitely did not orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 613

You deserved it 329

Happy anniversary, Honey!

By Anonymous - 05/07/2009 04:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, it was my boyfriend and mine's six-month anniversary. I've really fallen in love with him, and I know he loves me the same, so I got him a really nice gift, a watch he's had his eye on for as long as I've known him. It was expensive. What did he get me? A condom. Three actually. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 278

You deserved it 9 935

That's wild

By Anonymous - 20/10/2024 20:00 - India

Today, a colleague was telling me she still breastfeeds her 4 year-old son, and that she has breastfed kids of her neighbours too. She kept talking about it and I ended up staring at her ample breasts. She noticed and asked me if I wanted too. Now I don’t know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 299

Sharing is caring

By motherfucked - 15/01/2016 17:07 - United States - Baltimore

Spicy

Today, I tried to send my friend a link to a really weird porno. Unfortunately, Google Hangouts popped up with a message from my mom. I didn't realize the keyboard focus had switched until I hit Ctrl+V and Enter real quick. Now I'm grounded. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 714

You deserved it 21 231

Blended family indeed

By Anonymous - 30/08/2026 22:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, due to my parents divorcing 30 years ago, marrying other people, and giving me a handful of half siblings, I found myself in the uniquely unpleasant situation of walking in on my sister having sex with my brother. (Stop panicking, they’re not blood related to each other, work it out!) FML

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 77

Focus

By TMI - 20/04/2009 17:12 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was emailing my professor about what chapters our test is on this afternoon. She accidentally emailed me informing me about the date she went on last night, including that she "got laid... yay!!" and a picture. I still don't know what chapters I'm being tested on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 113 519

You deserved it 7 079

Side piece

By j.b. - 02/12/2009 05:57 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out that my husband thinks it's okay to have an online girlfriend and have naked pictures sent to his email, because he's not "physically touching, making love, or kissing." The sad part is that the online girlfriend gets more action than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 637

You deserved it 4 919

Better late than never

By onehundredpercenteffed - 14/08/2009 01:46 - United States

Spicy

Today, my wife thought it would be fun to bring in one of her girlfriends for a threesome. Because of the friend, I now know what my wife sounds like when she's having a REAL orgasm. Five years and two kids into our marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 673

You deserved it 21 133

Waiting…

By dammitall - 15/05/2009 18:49 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was in a bathroom stall peeing. Shortly after, I heard a couple enter the bathroom, both extremely drunk. They then had sex standing up against the stall I was in, blocking my only exit. I had to sit, wait, and listen as both parties finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 477

You deserved it 4 897

Small world

By Anonymous - 03/11/2023 12:00

Spicy

Today, I learned that my current boss took my fiancé's virginity back in high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 107

Sexy time

By Anonymous - 17/10/2009 02:27 - United States

Spicy

Today, I heard some rhythmic moaning from the apartment next door. It took me 10 minutes to realize that my neighbor was not having it off, she was actually vacuuming her apartment. It's been so long since I've had sex that I can't even recognize the sound of other people having it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 098

You deserved it 4 530

It wasn't me

By Anonymous - 11/08/2026 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, our boss announced several new training courses. For some reason, the guy next to me whispered in my ear that the only course he’s interested in is intercourse, with the boss’s daughter. The boss heard him but for some reason is convinced I said it. Suspended without pay, and possibly sacked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 71

Cockblocked

By sad gf - 14/11/2010 20:29

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex. Just as we were ready, his mom called to wish us a happy anniversary. She was so excited for us, she was going to stop by. After throwing out our unused and only spare condom, she called us again and said she was just kidding, and to enjoy ourselves. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 950

You deserved it 5 881

Thanks, but no thanks

By Anonymous - 28/05/2026 20:00 - United States

Today, my girlfriend offered me a threesome with her best friend. Sounds like every guy’s dream, except I find her friend so absolutely fucking repulsive that I’d rather go piranha fishing with a steak wrapped around my dick then put it anywhere near her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 129

Foreplay

By shallowvomit1013 - 23/12/2009 01:09 - United States

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend came over to my house. Hoping to get a little action, I started to make out with her. Unfortunately I was wearing basketball shorts so when I got an erection, all she did was bat it back forth like a cat toy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 097

You deserved it 5 453

Sexy talk

By ... - 18/02/2018 01:30

Spicy

Today, I realized all of my boyfriend's and my dirty messages were being sent to my mom because I'd logged into messenger on her phone once without logging out. She sat me down and said, "I know your mouth's been on his wee wee." FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 419

You deserved it 5 688

Lonesome tonight?

By sad and ugly - 31/12/2021 04:58

Spicy

Today, I really want to punch whoever says women have no problem getting laid. It’s been so long since I’ve felt the touch of another human, I actually considered hiring a male prostitute just so I can be in a man’s arms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 649

You deserved it 428

Sexy

By Anonymous - 23/05/2014 02:36 - United States - Rockland

Spicy

Today, I accidentally ripped out my boyfriend's insulin pump while trying to give him a lapdance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 693

You deserved it 17 210

SHUT UP

By Noname - 22/01/2009 08:29 - United States

Spicy

Today, my parents woke me up in the middle of the night when they got in a huge argument and started yelling at each other. I was up all night. They decided to make it up to each other. They kept me up all night again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 083

You deserved it 2 559

Single and ready to mingle

By Anonymous - 12/05/2024 20:00 - United Kingdom

Spicy

Today, I'm 25 and still a virgin. At this point I'm not sure to feel embarrassed or proud. Imagine being 25 and not know what the fuck you are doing in the bedroom. I don't know who it would be more awkward for, me or them. Maybe I'll just avoid human interaction all together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 501

You deserved it 198

XXX rated

By Anonymous - 03/08/2026 20:00 - United States - Winchester

Spicy

Today, I finally acted on a fantasy and did a bondage shoot video. The first comment on the clip was, "Hard watch. Fat as hell." FML

I agree, your life sucks 240

You deserved it 193

Don't dream it's over

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 04:00 - United States - Burleson

Spicy

Today, I was cockblocked by a machine. I'm in the hospital so I'm attached to the typical machines that monitor vitals, including heart rate. I fell asleep and had a sex dream which made my heart rate go up, which set off the beeping from the machine monitoring my vitals. Bam, I woke up, sex dream over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 119

You deserved it 242

Silver linings

By KANCHI - 02/06/2022 14:00 - India - Gurgaon

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I were in the middle of great sex when he suddenly called out his ex's name. Just before I decided to yell at him and throw him out of my room, I realised he performed better when he yelled her name. So, I let him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 186

You deserved it 764

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Keywords

Job interview Work NSFW Awkward Sex Intimacy Miscellaneous Relatable Health Weird Grandparents Kids Food Shopping Parents Delivery Weddings Friends Love Clothes Mysterious Laundry Transportation Embarrassing Annoying Dentist Dogs Mental health Cats Neighbours

The Top

Today, I was at the mall shoplifting when a girl who looked my age pointed to a shirt I had in my bag. "Stole that, huh?" she asked smiling. She looked pretty cool, so I nodded and asked if she stole the jeans she was wearing, which were from the same store. Turns out she didn't, she's the manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 427

You deserved it 539 937

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. Before we'd finished, we were interrupted by my ex dropping my daughter off with no notice. In my rush to answer the door, I hopped off my boyfriend. The condom came off inside me. After a few minutes of feeling around, I pulled the condom out, and discovered I was on my period. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 363

You deserved it 384

Random

Today, my husband and I attended a funeral. After the service, my phone vibrated. It was a text from my husband, saying "I've got mourning wood like you wouldn't believe! get it? MOURNING. haha :D" I looked up and saw him across the room, winking at me. Not the place, honey. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 640

You deserved it 7 473

Today, I was kicked out of class for having a coughing fit. Yesterday, I was kicked out of class for sleeping, a side effect of my cough suppressant. Three absents from this class and I automatically fail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 160

You deserved it 3 831

Today, a spider crawled across my glasses' lens. My first reaction was to smack myself in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 579

You deserved it 27 883

Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 625

You deserved it 156

Today, just like the past 10 days, I have COVID. Today was also the day my body decided to betray me. I threw up and simultaneously shit myself for the first time since I was in diapers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 011

You deserved it 124

Today, I was comforting my friend who has a toxic relationship with her Mom. She said, "If I'm such a failure, they always make it known that I can't live up to their expectations." It caught me a bit off guard when she said, "I wish she would just leave me alone and leave my life just like your mom did." FML

I agree, your life sucks 391

You deserved it 85