Kids

By Old? - 14/01/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, a student of mine used the phrase "well, you know, like back in your day" about defining "going out". I'm only 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 745

You deserved it 2 270

How I met your step-father

By ConfusedAsf - 26/07/2021 08:03

Today, my boyfriend, and father of my son, announced that he’s leaving me for my best friend. His reasoning is that he feels bad that she’s a single mom. When I pointed out that by him leaving me, I’ll also be a single mom, he responded with, "But at least she has her pre-pregnancy body back." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 747

You deserved it 176

Tasty

By Anonymous - 18/03/2023 18:00

Today, I found out that my kids played around with a bunch of caterpillars they'd found in the yard, then informed me they'd eaten a few. I then had to scramble to Google "Is this kind of caterpillar poisonous?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 202

By FFS - 06/05/2018 01:30

Today, my mother has taken her drug paranoia to a new level. She threw away an open but nearly full bag of dried mint because she's sure I emptied and refilled the bag with marijuana to hide it from her. She then tried to ground me in my own house in front of my wife and daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 622

You deserved it 357

Not my problem

By Anonymous - 23/07/2024 11:00

Today, my aunt keeps calling me to come and settle her baby for her, because I’m the only one she sleeps for. Seriously, she’ll sleep for hours when I hold her, but anyone else and she’ll scream. I don’t even like kids and the constant disruptions to my childfree life aren’t helping change my opinion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 505

You deserved it 103

By Anonymous - 08/04/2016 21:43 - United States - Sterling

Today, my 12 and 14 year olds told me they'll be doing whatever they like from now on and there will be no rules or bedtime, otherwise they'll tell their teachers that my husband and I abuse them. Where did I go wrong? FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 526

You deserved it 3 326

Good job

By whatnow - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - Carmel

Today, I fell asleep on the couch while babysitting. When the kids' parents came home, they made fake crying noises to see if I would wake up. I slept like a baby, and by the time they finally roused me, I'd left a nice drool stain on the armrest. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 951

You deserved it 34 725

Sing it again

By Anonymous - 23/04/2024 05:00 - United States

Today, I just learned that the silly song my parents taught me as a small child, and would sometimes make me sing for the family, is actually a very thinly veiled series of penis jokes. Why just now? Because I hadn't thought about it for years, until my grandma brought it up at a reunion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 86

Copaganda

By Anonymous - 18/10/2023 07:30

Today, my dad is trying to kick me out to become homeless, because it’s my goal to become a police officer, and since he’s served prison time I’m now scum in his eyes and a disgrace to our family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 312

Great day out

By Anonymous - 14/09/2013 19:32 - Iceland - Reykjav

Today, I went to the movies with my husband and our 6-year-old son. My husband kept stealing popcorn from the guy next to him, to the point where the guy punched him in the face. The movie was stopped, the police were called, and my son is now inconsolable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 147

You deserved it 5 911

Unpaid

By Anonymous - 12/01/2022 10:59

Today, I informed my daughter-in-law that I’m a granny, not an unpaid, on-call 24/7 babysitter, and no, I will not be babysitting her kids all day so she can go to an all-day brunch with her similarly selfish girlfriends. She threw an actual tantrum and threatened to put me in a home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 604

You deserved it 187

Straight to jail

By WTF Mom - 21/05/2018 01:30

Today, I discovered the reason my 12-year-old brother has been anxious and afraid of cops for the last 6 months. My crazy mother convinced him that porn is illegal and comes with a death penalty. She did the same thing to me when I was his age. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 088

You deserved it 488

By susan - 17/11/2012 22:31 - United States - Naperville

Today, my daughter had a meltdown when I told her I donated some of her old toys to Goodwill. It turns out Toy Story has taught her that toys have feelings and that she has a meaningful relationship with them. She's in her teens. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 928

You deserved it 27 177

By grossed out mom - 08/07/2015 13:29 - Canada - Scarborough

Today, when I visited my daughter's apartment that she moved into about 3 months ago, I found out that she buys new underwear every time she runs out instead of washing her dirty ones. Her dirty ones have their own special hamper. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 156

You deserved it 2 965

By joxerthemighty39 - 01/02/2011 03:11 - United States

Today, I had to babysit two kids. I told them to stop fighting, or to sit on separate couches. They stopped. I asked why nobody would sit on the other couch, where I'd been sitting. They told me it was the couch their autistic brother often pees on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 872

You deserved it 3 451

The more the merrier

By ._. - 01/05/2024 07:00 - United States

Today, I found out my niece will born in about two weeks. That's nice, right? It is… except for the fact that there will now be FIVE people in my family with a birthday in May. As if trying to plan for four birthday parties in three weeks wasn't bad enough. Why not five? FML

I agree, your life sucks 183

You deserved it 476

By UngratefulBrat - 28/12/2012 07:03 - United States - New York

Today, my 6-year-old nephew opened his Christmas gift. The first words out of his mouth were, "This is cheap." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 689

You deserved it 6 848

By grrrr - 08/02/2010 00:35 - United States

Today, my son learned about various animals in school, and how they urinate to mark their territory. Apparently, the entire second floor of my house is now my son's territory. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 436

You deserved it 2 897

Kids, it doesn't get any better

By Anonymous - 15/03/2020 03:02

Today, I was sitting in class when I overheard a group talking about how much they don't like me. When they saw me there, they burst out laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 916

You deserved it 133

By imalilangel05 - 10/02/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was tutoring kids at an elementary school. One kid messed up my hair. I said, "Why'd you do that??" He said, "I have lice, now you have lice too!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 102 212

You deserved it 5 794

By Marjorie - 13/07/2012 17:08 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I'm sitting in the ER with my eight-year-old son. He broke his arm after jumping out through the second story window. He was too impatient to walk to the ice cream van pulling up outside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 247

You deserved it 3 446

Boys will be boys

By Anonymous - 18/05/2022 10:00

Today, thanks to my son's inability to keep his trap shut, and natural ability to piss everybody off, our landlord is now not renewing our lease at the end of the month, and went out of his way to let me know it is all my son's fault, and he can’t wait to personally kick us both into the street. FML

I agree, your life sucks 807

You deserved it 468

Mom of the week

By please come home - 30/11/2023 15:00 - United States

Today, my son spilled his milk at the table. My wife got in his face and screamed that he took her body, her career, her friends, and her life from her, then stormed out of the house. He won't stop wailing and crying, she won't answer her phone, and I'm completely shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 998

You deserved it 235

Helicopter

By Anonymous - 31/07/2021 16:01 - United States

Today, my mother scolded me for having a lighter in my room. My reason I had it? The candle that she bought me for my 25th birthday. I don't even live with her anymore, she showed up uninvited, and started going through my stuff. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 096

You deserved it 144

Indoctrination

By This is why people are abandoning religion. - 06/03/2024 15:00 - United States

Today, I found out that when my best friend and I were kids, our parents would cancel playdates when either of us opted to not go to church. They said it would, "strengthen our faith." We are now both adults and staunch atheists for that reason, and we're spending way more time together to make up for this crap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 588

You deserved it 158

More details please

By Grandma has no filter - 08/12/2022 15:00 - United States

Today, I listened to my grandma monologue about how if my uncle was born first, my mother (and consequently, I) would not exist. I then got to listen to her rant about what a terror he was. Let's just say I learned and heard some things I'd rather have not known. FML

I agree, your life sucks 752

You deserved it 136

Ouch

By hairyarms - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - Australia

Today, I found out why you don't let your kids grab your arms while their hands are covered in glitter glue. Easy to get it on you, extremely painful to rip from your arm hairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 580

You deserved it 5 811

By pist - 13/05/2018 01:30

Today, I was lying in a lawn chair next to my wooden fence when a yellow liquid started spraying me. The neighbor's douchebag son was peeing through the small hole in the fence and soaked me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 744

You deserved it 300

Picky eater

By Anonymous - 17/08/2022 02:00

Today, my 27-year-old son told me that for him, eating a food he doesn’t like is “way, way worse” than breaking a bone. He has broken both his arms, several ribs, and a few of his toes, and he still thinks that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 835

You deserved it 275

Reputable

By Heartbroken Dad - 30/12/2023 14:00 - United States

Today, I found out why this reputable personal trainer resigned from our local gym. My wife started an affair with him and he thought it was better to quit so their relationship could be ethical. The worst part of all of this? Our 1.5 year old son is actually his and not mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 086

You deserved it 142

FML on Facebook

Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Awkward Pokémon Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

The Top

Today, my history teacher confiscated my iPhone. She dropped it on the way back to her desk, and I now have a shattered iPhone screen to fix. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 543

You deserved it 32 059

Today, I found books on the Catholicism in my son's room. Switching faiths can be a big deal, so I asked him if there was anything he wanted to talk about. Turns out he was just doing research to aid his goal of seducing and screwing the hot Catholic girl in his university class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 208

You deserved it 413

Today, I finally decided to do something productive and clean my room. When I went to pick up the first thing off my floor, I hit my head on my desk and gave myself a concussion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 225

You deserved it 6 936

Today, I was fired from my job of 5 years. I was let go because I couldn't take the company to 'the next level'. My now ex-boss asked me if I could process my severance check because he didn't know how. I had to write myself my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 174

You deserved it 2 780

Today, I tried to save money by fixing a leaky sink myself. Fifteen minutes and three tools later, I had flooded under-sink cabinets and a new appreciation for plumbers. My landlord arrived with a wrench and a look that said ‘you’ll learn.’ I learned to call professionals first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 98

You deserved it 393

Today, I ate lunch alone. None of my colleagues saved me a seat. One of those colleagues was my husband. He didn't even have the decency to move so that I wouldn't have to eat alone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 993

You deserved it 4 615