Intimacy

Hey everyone! I loved reading your comments. The good, the bad, and even the ugly. Let me just clear up that it was my moms birthday, so I came down early to wake her up with breakfast. I wasn't coming down to listen like a pervert. I am very glad my parents are still fond of each other but I experienced just a tad too much of this fondness. I know realize that I could of walked back up and try not to squeak on the stairs, but come on. I wasn't really thinking at that point, mostly freaking out! Thanks everyone and no I didn't have my camera to save the picture as blackmail ;)

By Thankshun - 04/03/2013 23:03 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me I was selfish for "choosing" to start my period on his day off from work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 522

You deserved it 6 635

By cfaul001 - 29/02/2012 17:41 - United States

Today, I got extremely wasted and decided to take a shower with my boyfriend. What seemed like a good and sexy idea turned into us falling and getting wedged in the bathtub. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 230

You deserved it 27 811

By fmylife7721 - 03/07/2011 05:51 - Canada

Today, I jokingly told my girlfriend that sperm kills acne, she laughed and said "so that's how you got rid of yours so fast" then continued to text all her friends and tell them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 871

You deserved it 47 850

Classy

By bkay26 - 29/08/2010 15:37 - United States

Today, I walked in on my mom giving my dad head. Acting like I hadn't seen anything, I asked if I could use a towel sitting on the dresser. My mom said, "No, we're going to need that one." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 844

You deserved it 7 672

Repetition

By Anonymous - 22/06/2022 00:00

Today, I introduced this website to my boyfriend. We laughed at a guy who screamed his sister's name during sex. Guess what he thought would be funny to do when I was seconds from coming? FML

I agree, your life sucks 748

You deserved it 1 210

By atleese - 31/12/2011 15:37 - United States

Today, I was having 'goodbye' sex with my boyfriend. Now for the next four months he's going to remember our last time as the one where I farted and couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 460

You deserved it 31 927

Spill the tea

By panicelement - 27/02/2013 07:17 - United States - Carbondale

Today, my college started an internet "confessions" page. Out of curiosity I checked it out, only to find that it's full of some of the most disturbing stuff I've ever read. My schoolmates are either filthy as fuck or they are all pathological liars. Wonderful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 768

You deserved it 5 226

Taste test

By Pissedoff777 - 12/08/2011 05:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend found out that if guys eat fruit often, their sperm will taste better. He bought a can of fruit for himself to eat, and said that he bought it just for me. This is the most romantic thing he's ever done. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 442

You deserved it 7 905

We have so much in common

By Frank - 19/09/2022 09:00

Today, my girlfriend of 4 years confessed to me that she had sex with my best friend before she started to date me. Funny thing is, I'm bi and had sex with the same best friend at around the same time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 896

You deserved it 697

Foot-in-mouth syndrome

By Anonymous - 26/05/2010 12:03 - United States

Today, I was talking to this guy I liked at work. He was flirting with me, and everything was going great, I was so happy, until he started talking non-stop about the extent of his foot fetish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 265

You deserved it 5 652

TMI, DUDE!

By Anonymous - 16/10/2022 10:00

Today, it might be the day I ask my wife to peg me. Hope it goes well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 1 304

Bustin' makes me feel good

By Billie - 03/09/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, after years of my husband letting himself go and our sex life dying a slow, painful death, he's finally gotten my hints and started exercising and eating right, and he looks amazing. But now he has no sex drive and says, "I'm getting older, there are more important things to me than busting nuts all day!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 392

You deserved it 210

Risky business

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 02:00 - United States - Dallas

Today, I hooked up with a really great guy while I’m on a business trip. Would've been great, but found out he slept with someone else right after me, and stole my headphones. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 926

By Nails - 22/02/2009 03:16 - United States

Today, I went to the doctor with my parents. When the doctor asked if I was sexually active, I said 'Yes.' My mom laughed and said 'Good one.' My dad, for added effect said, 'Your hand doesn't count.' FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 171

You deserved it 7 249

You'd know by now

By Anonymous - 15/01/2016 04:51 - United States - Burbank

Today, I was going to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time. He couldn't get hard and pouted about it for nearly two hours. When I went to comfort him, he said, "Man, I hope I'm not gay." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 477

You deserved it 2 473

By Anonymous - 06/05/2011 18:09 - Saudi Arabia

Today, I locked myself in the bathroom and started spanking the ferret. I started to get really into it when my dad started pounding on the door and yelled, "Son, that's great staying power, but can you finish up already?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 707

You deserved it 52 168

By Anonymous - 29/01/2012 19:55 - United States

Today, I realized the closest thing I've had to an intimate relationship with a female is the one I have with my cat. Even then, she ignores me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 555

You deserved it 5 814

By Sleepy head - 07/10/2013 01:34 - United States

Today, I fell asleep while my boyfriend and I were having sex. What's worse is that he didn't even notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 819

You deserved it 15 064

Repeat offender

By Anonymous - 09/06/2022 02:00

Today, I was the only family member available to take my grandad to hospital, after he fell on a bottle in the shower and got it stuck up his ass. Again. I swear we need to start monitoring him in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 262

You deserved it 163

By policeopenup - 11/07/2009 19:38 - United States

Today, my girlfriend threw me on the couch as I walked in the door. I butt dialed my mom in the process. My girlfriend took off my pants and we got to business. After about 30 seconds of hearing what was going on, my mom thought something was wrong and called the cops to my apartment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 475

You deserved it 8 758

By Anonymous - 22/04/2016 18:50 - Canada - Coquitlam

Today, I overheard a "friend" talking about me and my recently deceased dog. He said: "Only time I've seen someone get that upset over someone dying, they were fucking each other. Just sayin'." FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 208

You deserved it 1 750

Married life

By Anonymous - 06/04/2022 12:00

Today, my husband threw an anger fit and left home after a fight. I only said that maybe he's not that interested in sex after marriage. Why? In the 5 years of our marriage, he has initiated sex exactly 0 times, while during courtship it was numerous times during the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 304

You deserved it 175

By devilboy - 06/07/2011 11:26 - Australia

Today, my girlfriend who was planning on waiting until marriage for sex decided to have sex with me. It's been 4 hours and she hasn't stopped crying, praying and calling me the devil's temptation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 229

You deserved it 18 061

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I found out why my mother-in-law kept asking for one particular photo of our baby. She just wanted to show off the blanket that she had made to her friends on Facebook. Her first grandchild was almost completely cropped out of the picture. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 906

You deserved it 2 257

Today, my car window got smashed in. The cop that came to take the report said they'd already caught the guy doing it, he'd smashed in several other car windows, all of the exact same model and color. His reason for doing it was simple: he was drunk and "hated red Jeeps". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 547

You deserved it 3 853

Today, a parent came into my class and told one of my 6 year-old students that their grandma died. Then the parent left. The kid started crying from the news, which then got all the other students crying. I spent the rest of the day comforting a class of kids crying over someone else's grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 563

You deserved it 3 862

Today, I was told not to show up for work, after I showed up for work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 669

You deserved it 107

Today, I saved a baby bird from the site I work on. It was the runt and did not have any feathers and was neglected by the mother. I took care of it all day at work and planned on taking it to a wildlife reserve after work. Two minutes away from the reserve, we hit a pothole and I dropped it. It died. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 778

You deserved it 266

Today, I told my mother-in-law that I was going through postpartum depression and was put on a antidepressant to help. Her response was, "Great, now we have a pill head in the family." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 131