jjnotantibi

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Jjnotantibi's favorite FMLs

Dirty talk

By Noname - 02/01/2009 03:04 - Canada

Today, my mother was vacuuming my room and found a towel under my bed. She asked, "Why does it smell so bad?" I replied, "Sweat". FML

agreeclassic 15 535

vote type 1 38 597

Late night customers are the worst

By viviham - 04/05/2012 12:08 - United States - Spring Branch

Today, I was working at the local liquor store. An obviously drunk girl stumbles in, grabs two cases of beer and puts them on the counter. Then she grabs a pregnancy test, pees on it right there, shows me, and says, "I'm not pregnant, I want beer." FML

agreeclassic 36 905

vote type 1 2 351

By Anonymous - 10/04/2012 17:47 - United States

Today, while my mom was driving me to work, we drove past a lake with an old wooden dock. She stopped the car, pointed and said, "Some guy fucked me right there. I got a splinter in my butt, though, so we finished in his car." FML

agreeclassic 42 336

vote type 1 3 304

By displeased - 05/04/2012 06:47 - United States - Candler

Today, I found out that my boyfriend is afraid of female orgasms. Right as I was about to climax, he panicked, pulled out, and ran into the bathroom. FML

agreeclassic 42 813

vote type 1 3 573

By KatieB - 04/04/2012 21:11 - United Kingdom - Newark

Today, my boyfriend was over. I asked my dad how long until dinner was ready, his reply was, "Five minutes, so no, you can't go upstairs for a quickie". FML

agreeclassic 32 630

vote type 1 7 355