NUMANUMAMAN

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Numanumaman's favorite FMLs

By RC3Welly - 09/03/2012 22:58 - United States

Today, I had drunk sex with a girl that I barely know. I didn't have a condom and was nervous about getting her pregnant, but she assured me that I could pull out. Right when I was about to pull out, she wrapped her legs around me and yelled, "BE MY BABY'S DADDY!" I couldn't get out in time. FML

agreeclassic 800

vote type 1 1 943

By airhead2015 - 12/02/2014 17:57 - United States - Morristown

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

agreeclassic 43 425

vote type 1 5 689

By Anonymous - 11/02/2014 16:09 - United States - Syracuse

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

agreeclassic 52 932

vote type 1 8 805

By O_o - 09/02/2014 00:42 - United States - Simi Valley

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

agreeclassic 59 288

vote type 1 6 682

By tigerisabelle - 06/02/2014 03:39

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

agreeclassic 48 378

vote type 1 14 747

tigerisabelle app_comment_confession_title

tigerisabelle 31

Thursday 6 February 2014 17:50

Hey guys, OP here. I did not know how damaging Flappy Bird was to the brain until my friend convinced me to play it, and it's been a downhill road ever since. I literally smashed into the first pipe 40 times in a row, and got more frustrated every time. So I'm supposed to count to ten when I'm feeling "irrational rage" but instead, I just pressed start. (oops...) I threw my phone through a window. The phone is shockingly okay, except it still has Flappy Satan. Yeah, that game is straight from the depths of hell.