Today, I learned why I never got a job as a public safety dispatcher... - FML

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By Bullhorn - 16/04/2018 04:08

Today, I learned why I never got a job as a public safety dispatcher despite excellent test scores and good interviews. My high school had mixed me up with another student and put the wrong Birthdate on my records. Background checks showed me lying about my schooling. 10 years of trying wasted. FML

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The rhythm of the fight
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Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

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Today, on my way out of a coffee shop, I tripped over a curb while holding a full cup of coffee. The coffee flew in slow motion, hitting a stranger right in the face. As I stood there, frozen, I realized the puddle of coffee was now surrounding both of us. All I could do was apologize while trying to avoid a public fistfight. FML

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Today, my dad came over and ordered me, a 43 year-old woman, to purchase a kitchen table. He and my sisters are embarassed that we are still using a plastic folding table. It doesn't matter to them that we have just spent over $30,000 on renovations. His cousins are coming from Italy. FML

agreeclassic 19 211

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Today, I was getting into the mood with my boyfriend. Ten minutes into it, I told him to "teach me a lesson." His response: "I ain't no teacher." FML

agreeclassic 51 759

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Today, I realised my sex drive has improved massively since I started fantasising about Bruno from Encanto on the regular. I thought my lack of appetite was because of my mental health issues. Apparently not. FML

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Today, on the train, a cute girl gave me her number. After maybe half an hour, she went to her seat and I went to the toilet for a quick but loud and painful dump. I opened the door and saw her outside getting bitch-slapped by the smell. FML

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Today, I realized just how bitchy my BFF really is. When my sister said hi to her, she just glared back. She refers to a trans woman as "it" and not her correct pronouns. She just sucks the fun out of everything and makes me feel alone and stuck. I can't abandon her though because we're both each other's only friend. FML

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vote type 1 1 146