Midnightpearls - 22/02/2016 14:00 - United States - New York Today, my ex-boyfriend became my step-dad. FML 2 0
Today, I came out as bisexual while we were in the car. My mom started crying behind the steering wheel, driving at 85 mph. She later told my dad, even though I asked her not to. My dad said, "Give it a month, he'll grow out of it." I realized I was bi 4 years ago. FML 1 201 394
Today, my wife and I invited my boss over for dinner, specifically warning her not to bring her children due to our house not being childproof. She surprised us by walking in with her toddlers. They both shat on our carpets, then my dog knocked them into a wall. I guess I'll start looking for another job. FML 1 756 217
Today, my dad finished installing our new home security system. One of the features lets him control any light in the house from his phone. He keeps trying to piss me off by turning my bedroom light on at random intervals. I don't know how to make it stop, and I can't sleep. FML 51 899 4 965
Today, I crashed my car while racing backwards, so told my parents I was rear-ended. They made me call the police and file a report. I hope there were no cameras. FML 6 114 48 213
Today, my girlfriend offered to roleplay as a sexy nun, then dumped me, claiming my saying yes meant I was attacking her catholic faith and that I’m a sick, depraved criminal. She was the one who offered. I’m not remotely interested in roleplay, I only agreed cause I thought it was her kink. FML 1 775 140
Today, if you asked me how old I felt, I’d say in my late eighties, with beginning dementia and some sort of terminal disease. Unfortunately, I’m only 41 and my doctor claims there is nothing wrong with me whatsoever. FML 432 135