Animals Today, my cat attacked my face because I was chewing gum. FML - FML

Anonymous - 23/03/2016 01:22 - United States - Rossville

Today, my cat attacked my face because I was chewing gum. FML

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Today, my dog was cold, so she kept sitting around the oven. When I opened it to put my pizza in, she hopped into it. The massive yelp of pain as she did so is going to haunt my dreams… and my financial stability. Even the vet has no idea how she's still alive. FML

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Today, my son told me that he doesn't need to go to school because he doesn't need a job. It turns out he plans to get a life sentence in prison and live the rest of his life at the taxpayers' expense. FML

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Today, I borrowed my 23-year-old son's laptop. The sticky keyboard gave me a good idea of his browsing history. FML

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Today, I got officially uninvited to a party. This is the third one this month. FML

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Today, my 3-year-old missed the toilet. In the time it took me to get paper towel to clean it up, my one-year-old decided it was the perfect puddle to play in. FML

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Today, I was interviewing a cute guy for my journalism class, and he asked to borrow my laptop to check his email quickly. After the interview, I realized that the last thing I had searched for on my browser's Google box was "ingrown pubic hairs," and it was still up there. FML

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