Miscellaneous Today, I realized I have an irrational fear: toilets. FML - FML

Fucking hell - 24/02/2016 04:27 - United States - Orange

Today, I realized I have an irrational fear: toilets. FML

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Today, while getting ready for a job interview, I sneezed while brushing my teeth, splattering toothpaste everywhere and ruining my brand new dress. FML

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Today, my girlfriend broke up me with for being the "perfect boyfriend". Apparently I'm the best boyfriend she's ever had, and she didn't know how to take it. So she dumped me. FML

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Today, I discovered that when my doctor said my new medication "may cause sensitivity to sunlight" what he meant was "sit in total darkness during the day or your skin will feel like its burning off." FML

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Today, I witnessed my drunk grandmother attempting the Single Ladies dance, complete with hip gyrations and ass slapping. FML

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Today, I had a ridiculous dream where I was taking a piss that seemed to last forever, all while my sister was listening in and making sarcastic comments about it. I then woke up and immediately did the exact same thing, except with no sister making sarcastic comments about it. Not that it made it any better. FML

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Today, and every other day this week, I brought carrots and celery into work to eat as a snack instead of chocolate. I got back from lunch to find a note on my desk saying, "Do you really think it's OK to eat carrots and celery that loudly every day?" Guess I won't try to be healthy. FML

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