Collector's item Shepaintsmusic - Today, an antiques dealer made a joke about chopping off and buying my deformed left hand. FML 33 781 2 905
crosseyed - 10/06/2009 19:42 - United Kingdom Today, I was in the cafeteria when I noticed a new worker cleaning a table. As I passed her, she looked up and smiled at me. Thinking she was pulling a funny face, I jokingly crossed my eyes and smiled back. She looked hurt and continued working. Later, she served me my lunch. She was actually cross-eyed. FML 15 321 74 553
Sketchy Notadrinkanddriveidiot - - United States Today, some friends and I were pulled over on our way back from a party. We'd had a few drinks, so we tried to play it cool just in case we were over the limit. The cop didn't seem to want to breathalyze us, until my really high friend in the backseat said, "These are not the droids you are looking for." FML 15 776 47 659
Man child Anonymous - 26/10/2011 23:44 - United States Today, I was getting intimate with my husband on our anniversary day. He climbed on top of me and firmly placed his penis on my nose. When I asked him what the hell he was doing, he burst into laughter and said I looked just like Squidward. FML 46 719 5 938