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The all-time greatest FMLs

By mfnfhdjdjddjsjfn - 03/09/2012 08:39 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I was in a terrific mood after finding a bouquet of beautiful flowers on my doorstep when I came home. That is, until I recognised the handwriting of my "secret admirer" was the same as my mother's. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 148

You deserved it 2 227

By Anonymous - 31/10/2010 15:34 - United States

Today, I was running a marathon for my school. Two hot girls started talking to me, so I glanced at them, and smiled. I turned back, just in time to knee a little boy in the face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 146

You deserved it 7 810

By beautifulme - 31/01/2012 06:22 - United States

Today, I got to be an innocent victim caught in the middle of a farting war between my boyfriend and my 10-year-old son. I fear my sense of smell will never recover. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 146

You deserved it 4 891

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 02:18 - United Kingdom

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 143

You deserved it 5 096

The harder they come…

By Anonymous - 23/04/2011 21:26 - United States

Today, I had to climb over a tall gate. Getting to the top wasn't a problem, but falling face first on the way down wasn't what I'd had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 143

You deserved it 10 693

By RawrSparkle - 21/09/2012 07:31 - United States - Davis

Spicy

Today, I dropped a whole batch of penis-shaped cookies on the floor. Then I thought, "5-second rule" and started eating them. And then I realized that I was home alone, in pajamas, eating broken dick-cookies off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 143

You deserved it 14 387

TMI!

By Anonymous - 23/09/2012 04:32 - United States

Spicy

Today, I went to run an errand while my parents helped unpack boxes in my new house. When I returned, my dad said to me, "I wasn't going to say anything, but we 'did it.' I'll let you figure out which room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 142

You deserved it 2 167

By Miroslav208 - 20/10/2011 14:32 - United States

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend why it would be highly offensive and inappropriate for him to go as Caylee Anthony for Halloween. I think he's still planning on doing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 139

You deserved it 4 890

By angie429 - 27/11/2011 23:45 - United States

Today, I took my boyfriend to my family's traditional late Thanksgiving dinner. While eating, my mom brought up celebrity infidelity. My grandpa ended up looking me in the eye and saying, "Look Angie, sometimes what a man has just isn't enough. When that happens, cheating is forgiveable." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 139

You deserved it 2 751

By crissy becks - 05/08/2012 22:05 - United States - Inglewood

Today, my friends and I planned to go to a waterpark together. However, due to a "miscommunication," I, and only I, was given both the wrong time and the wrong meeting place. I spent three hours sitting in a parking lot in little more than my swimming suit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 138

You deserved it 3 037

By simugeek - 15/08/2015 05:53 - United States - Gotha

Today, my mother gave me hell for my "video game addiction". The "game" in question? A professional flight simulator program that I'm using to complement my flight school lessons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 137

You deserved it 1 763

simugeek tells us more.

simugeek 16

Monday 17 August 2015 4:47

Just 16 and starting my career very early because I love it!

By ptarr12345 - 14/05/2015 04:26 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my little cousin was helping me wash my car. After scrubbing all the dirt, I gave him the hose and said, "Okay, now rinse off this disgusting thing." He turned the hose on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 135

You deserved it 6 765

Pipe down

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States - New Orleans

Today, I started a new job. I'm now trapped in a small office with a woman who says, "Oh my gravy!" constantly. In response to everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 134

You deserved it 2 306

By Anonymous - 15/10/2010 00:25 - United States

Today, as I put my 4 year-old daughter in the car seat, she dropped her crayon. She then paused and matter-of-factly said, "Mommy, I don't say 'f***' anymore when I drop things." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 133

You deserved it 9 211

By shugette212 - 05/12/2014 01:56 - United States

Today, I found the Christmas candy that I'd hidden a year ago. Turns out I wasn't the only living creature who had found it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 132

You deserved it 7 708

By corleon198425 - 19/02/2010 18:44 - United States

Today, I was walking to work, when I slipped and landed on my tail bone. Worse still, my hot coffee went flying into my face. I currently can't see out of my left eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 131

You deserved it 2 386

In vino veritas

By Buzz - 29/11/2008 16:11 - France

Today, my husband invited his boss and his wife to dinner. During the meal, I tasted the wine and apologised for its bad quality, saying somewhat annoyed, "Don't drink that, I'll go and look for another bottle." Unfortunately, it was our guests who had brought the wine in question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 126

You deserved it 11 062

Boobaloo

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United Kingdom - Pinner

Today, as always, I'm so flat-chested and childlike in appearance that my boyfriend successfully passed me off as his little sister to save money at a restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 125

You deserved it 2 404

By Dissent21 - 05/06/2015 21:29 - United States - Boise

Today, one of my two roommates moved out without warning after we discovered that the rent hadn't been paid in full in a month, the utility bill hadn't been paid in two months, and the electric bill hadn't been paid in three months. We found out when the power was turned off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 124

You deserved it 3 976

Dissent21 tells us more.

Dissent21 3

Thursday 11 June 2015 19:05

I didn't really just "assume". We'd had a long conversation about who was going to be paying what bills, and we had an established system. I thought. She just sort of... didn't hold up her end, and then didn't tell me there was a problem.

By Rech - 12/05/2009 11:09 - United States

Today, a friend and I went to Gamestop to pick up a game he wanted. I ended up buying a 17+ game, and I was prepared to show my license, but he stopped me an said, "I know you're 18". He then said, "Man, I've pretty much watched you grow up in this store." A game salesman watched me grow up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 123

You deserved it 62 443

JRech tells us more.

JRech 0

Wednesday 13 May 2009 0:06

OP here. It's a FML to me because, I'm not ashamed of being a gamer, I feel that it's just a pretty dorky situation. I totally was caught off guard when the site gave this entry the green light. I just thought it would be funny to share. A bit of background though, #155 is completely right, it's only been like 4 years.

New tech

By Checkless chick - 08/05/2013 22:21 - United States

Today, I decided I would try this feature on my banking app which lets me deposit checks by sending a picture of it. The instructions say to rip the check after depositing. The deposit didn't work and now I've got a ripped up paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 54 537

Help!

By Bug - 15/10/2012 21:38 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I fell down the stairs. Lying on my back in extreme pain, I called my mom for help. When she came over, she said I looked like a dead bug, took a picture and posted it on Facebook. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 121

You deserved it 2 443

By tireedddddd - 25/11/2011 16:24 - United States

Today, I was woken up at 6am to the sound of my mother on the back deck of the house hooting like an owl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 118

You deserved it 2 489

By jccwell - 23/09/2011 16:50 - United States

Today, my dad called, saying he was in town and that he wanted to see me. I was excited, thinking he wanted to come see my new apartment. Turns out he just wanted to borrow my Xbox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 117

You deserved it 2 384

By Anonymous - 12/11/2011 09:27 - Australia

Today, at work, I got chilli powder in my eye. Now not only do I have a swollen, blistered eye, but I am covered in milk as my boss assured me that would help. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 117

You deserved it 2 819

Supportive

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother followed me to work to see what I got up to. I'm a fitness instructor in a ground floor gym that has big windows overlooking the street. She stood outside and waved at me for half an hour, while I tried to concentrate on teaching a visibly amused class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 116

You deserved it 2 465

Ruined

By fuck gangnam style in the anus - 20/10/2012 22:48 - United States - Stevenson Ranch

Today, I purchased a brand new television. Not long after the professional who hung it on my wall left, it came crashing down on my hardwood floor. I'm now left with a busted TV, a tear in my living room wall, and a severely drained bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 2 867

By Lorena - 21/04/2012 19:26 - United States - Kapolei

Today, just three days into a much-needed vacation, my 5-year-old daughter has come down with chickenpox. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 115

You deserved it 3 253

Profit!

By rewarded - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - India

Today, for the second time in 5 months, I was recognized for my hard work, sincerity, and all the adjectives that they use to describe good employees. What was my reward? A piece of chocolate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 114

You deserved it 4 730

By ShitFaced - 01/03/2012 11:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 114

You deserved it 21 637

FML on Facebook

Keywords

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The Top

The Top

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is not a screamer nor a moaner, she's a biter. My arm is getting stitches right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 541

You deserved it 3 798

Today, my friend pushed me into the swimming pool. Unfortunately, we were eight feet away from the actual pool, so I face-planted and rolled in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 938

You deserved it 3 722

Today, a fly landed on my dentist's arm. The same arm and hand holding the needle inserted into my gum. He instinctively tried to shake it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 111

You deserved it 64

Today, I was dining out with friends. I saw a mom instructing her young child to go to empty tables and take whatever cash had been left. I discreetly told the manager. He confronted the woman and pointed right at me. As she was being thrown out, she tossed a very heavy mug at my head. It hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 339

You deserved it 270

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years finally proposed to me at the park we first met in. As I was about to say yes, a huge fly flew straight into my mouth. I ruined the moment by choking on it and eventually spitting it out on him. I think he's rethinking the proposal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 681

You deserved it 4 941

Today, my mom wanted a pat on the back for putting away some bottles that were clogging up the kitchen bench. She put them away by putting them on top of the dishwasher for me to deal with. They were from a trip she took over Christmas. It’s now March. FML

I agree, your life sucks 777

You deserved it 95