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The all-time greatest FMLs

By tonirene - 29/07/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, I had to apply medicine to my friend's spider bites, located on her ass crack. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 981

You deserved it 7 472

tonirene tells us more.

tonirene 0

Sunday 1 August 2010 10:11

To answer all of Qs.. I am a straight girl, no she's not fat. she just couldn't see it therefore it was difficult to apply medicine. I did it because I am a good friend and she told me to put it up on FML lol. turns out it wasn't a spider bite afterall though, she has a staph infection on he ass,

By rescuetheduck - 10/04/2012 19:26 - Finland - Joensuu

Today, I was at the grocery store, waiting in line to pay. A man jumped me from behind, and my first reflex was to brutally elbow him in the face. I soon discovered my attacker was one of the patients at the disability house at which I work, and he was trying to hug me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 978

You deserved it 7 287

By Lifes_a_bust - 08/08/2010 16:22 - United States

Today, my cat died. But, before he could bite the dust, he left a goodbye present on my bed: a decapitated baby rabbit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 977

You deserved it 4 450

Matching

By Clunker - 24/10/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, as I was driving with my boyfriend, he pointed out what a crappy car I drive. About how the locks don't work, the vents are broken, the windshield wipers are busted, my headlights aren't bright, and a hubcap is missing. Then he said I’m a good match for my car, 'cos we have the same “personality". FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 3 981

By skinnybitch - 11/12/2012 18:09 - Denmark - Copenhagen

Today, the guy I'm dating found out I have severe arachnophobia. He downloaded a picture of a huge, hairy spider and set it as background on my iPhone. I can't even unlock my phone, as every time I try, the spider pops up and I drop the phone. He laughs every time I do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 976

You deserved it 6 554

By anon - 14/01/2013 03:00 - United States - Dublin

Today, I walked into my mother's house to find that she had knitted clothes for some of the household appliances. The toaster was wearing a dress. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 975

You deserved it 3 682

**** my shit up

By hair2daygone4ever - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my four-year-old daughter thought it'd be funny to cut my hair while I was sleeping. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 975

You deserved it 4 863

By Anonymous - 11/01/2015 08:44

Today, my brother woke me up by trying to light my bed on fire. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 973

You deserved it 2 845

The usual?

By yeahno - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I found out that the man who came into work yesterday, the man who tried to grope me from over the counter, the one who spat his drink in my face, the one who kicked me in the shins when he didn't like the way his food tasted, is a regular and I can expect him three times a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 973

You deserved it 2 528

By Anonymous - 28/01/2015 19:28 - United States - El Dorado Hills

Today, my boyfriend and I went to the local park for some romantic time together. By the time we left, I'd been called a pedo and a cradle robber, and been given several dirty looks. I'm 31. My boyfriend is 30 and just very baby-faced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 972

You deserved it 2 922

Angry little kid

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was helping first-graders do school work when one of them stabbed me in the face with a pencil, all because I told her that a three was backwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 971

You deserved it 3 556

By Gassy and sassy - 07/12/2014 06:15 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I farted while I was in the car with my driving instructor and my partner. They couldn't hear it, but it smelled so bad that my instructor thought there was a gas leak, and he made us switch cars. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 970

You deserved it 6 783

By boyishgirl - 27/02/2015 19:14 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I got to see my best friend for the first time in months. Her first reaction was to say, "Wow, you gained a lot of weight." I actually lost a fair bit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 3 099

A day to remember

By TitMunch - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at my mom's wedding, I tripped as I was walking down the aisle. I was holding the train of her dress. It ripped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 4 484

By Godi - 10/12/2009 19:00 - United States

Today, I got a call from my girlfriend of 13 months. She told me that she had gotten chlamydia from the guy she cheated on me with, and that I most likely have it too. I gave her a diamond ring, she gave me chlamydia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 969

You deserved it 2 996

By JZ. - 30/10/2009 13:34 - New Zealand

Today, I submitted my 5000 word assignment. When I got home, my mother asked if I'd checked it through one more time like she always warned me to do. I hadn't, therefore hadn't noticed the paragraph on page 11 that she'd written, telling me to pay attention to the small details. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 967

You deserved it 13 206

By yawning - 01/02/2011 20:14 - Australia

Today, I woke up at 3am to go to work. This will be my new routine from now on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 967

You deserved it 9 887

By nep012 - 27/11/2014 07:12 - United States

Today, I had to end a first date with the words, "You can get out of my car and go upstairs yourself, or I can come around and drag you out, bring you up the stairs, and knock on your door," because he'd gotten completely plastered in a span of about three hours. And yes, I had to drag him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 966

You deserved it 3 343

nep012 tells us more.

nep012 3

Thursday 27 November 2014 21:29

Can't believe I got published on my first submit!!! Made an account just to comment back haha. First of all, wow, thanks for all the support :) and no, there will be no second date! Also yes, I am a girl lol, and dragging him out wasn't really that hard.

By :x - 03/02/2016 15:40 - United States - Richmond

Today, I tried to be sexy by pulling down my girlfriend's panties with my teeth. I didn't expect to be faced with the mother of all shit stains and start gagging so bad I nearly puked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 965

You deserved it 5 377

TMI

By Ceej - 28/10/2012 04:06 - United States - Grand Haven

Today, my husband and I were told by our elderly neighbors that they can hear us having sex a lot. To top it off, the elderly man said while patting his wife's arm with a smile, "Carol used to make noises like that too, back in the day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 965

You deserved it 7 090

By Anasztaizia - 26/03/2015 06:58 - United States - Burnsville

Today, I was told by my boyfriend's parents to never come back to his house again, and was given a lecture about rule breaking. Apparently, curfew is midnight, and he isn't allowed to have girls over. This didn't sound so unreasonable until I remembered that we're both almost 30. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 964

You deserved it 4 002

Anasztaizia tells us more.

Anasztaizia 3

Thursday 26 March 2015 22:54

OP here! #51, you are both correct and incorrect. It IS actually his place, but he bought it off his parents. TL;DR: when they decided it was time to downsize, he bought their house off them, but they haven't moved out yet. The mentality of it still being their house, their rules (which I agree is sensible) hasn't quite left their heads yet.