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The penny drops…

By Catchy slogans trump intelligent answers i guess - 20/04/2025 03:00 - United States

Today, I had a debate at school. I had diligently studied my position, digging up historical parallels, researching the economics, and preparing citations. I lost to a guy who just yelled, "Tax the billionaires" to every question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 134

Body mod

By Anonymous - 25/09/2025 15:00

Today, I got my boyfriend shirtless for the first time and I noticed that he had unusual flat nipples. I asked about it and he said that since men don’t need them and he didn’t like them making small pokies under his T-shirt, he cut them off with a razor when he was 19. Um, WHAT? FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 88

Fair is fair

By Loss - 21/01/2026 15:00

Today, I learned that my deceased dad left his entire considerable estate to charity because it was "fairer" than trying to divide it evenly between his three kids. Some of our properties have been in our family since Jefferson was President. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 150

Not a bio major

By Podcast bros must be stopped! - 31/01/2026 03:00

Today, I had a client argue that he shouldn’t have to pay the full amount of court ordered child support because the kids aren’t “fully his”. He swears that when a woman has multiple partners, trace amounts of DNA are left in the womb, creating kids with several fathers. Yes he was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 70

Outcast

By Anonymous - 09/04/2025 20:00 - United States

Today, I found out the real reason I always had trouble making/keeping friends as a kid and why I wasn’t invited to anything. My parents were aggressive swingers and either successfully fucked, or came on to, every couple wherever we moved. Thanks, you horny bastards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 450

You deserved it 92

Cousin Ricky

By How about "no"? - 20/10/2025 03:00

Today, my mom cussed at me because I denied my struggling cousin a job at my company, and now it's my fault he and his family will suffer and starve. He was fired from his former job as a payroll officer, and is now blacklisted. Over 30 people got zero on payday, as he later went Living La Vida Loca with his "bonus". FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 57

Nepo baby

By Anonymous - 19/05/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my dad got promoted and ended up as my boss. I thought I’d finally have a manager I get along with, who could maybe throw a few perks my way. Nope. Dad was very clear that he was going to be a complete bastard to me at work to make absolutely sure no one could accuse him of favouritism. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 138

Do something, anything

By Anonymous - 16/04/2025 03:00 - United States - Boston

Today, I was assigned to work on a group project with some coworkers. The entire time, one guy insisted on "taking charge" and assigning everyone tasks. He gave me a single task: “Create a 15-slide presentation.” I completed it in less than an hour. He then decided we needed a 100-slide presentation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 78

Competitive

By Anonymous - 20/01/2026 22:00

Today, my husband has such a fragile ego that he secretly visited an escape room five times in the two months before 15 of us went as a group, all so that he would know all the answers in advance and impress everyone. He’d have managed it too, except he paid with our credit card. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 79

Broke boy

By Anonymous - 19/10/2025 00:00

Today, the cashier asked if I wanted to donate $1 to help hungry children. I said, “Not today, thank you.” The man behind me loudly said, “Wow…” Now everyone thinks I hate children. I'm just that broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 79

No you don't

By Triangle - 06/05/2025 03:00 - United States - San Jose

Today, my half-drunk best friend, who I share lot of hobbies with, and love hanging out with, publicly confessed her love for me, and described how her heart burns every time she sees me with my wife, who's my childhood sweetheart, and love of my life. Now I am having to choose between the two. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 357

Policy of truth

By Anonymous - 29/04/2025 21:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I got home to my daughter in tears because her dad decided 5 was the ideal age to tell her the chicken, bacon, and mince she eats every day comes from dead chickens, piggies, and moo cows. I now have a vegetarian 5 year-old and I’m seriously worried about malnutrition and stunted growth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 172

Mr Hyde

By Anonymous - 12/03/2026 22:00

Today, I filed for divorce after only two months because my husband would not allow my kids to attend their father's funeral. I know it's necessary and I have to get my kids away from this prick, but… FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 135

Not sponsored by Klondike bars (but feel free to send us some)

By Anonymous - 29/06/2025 09:00 - United States - Canton

Today, I realised that on top of my gluten intolerance, garlic intolerance, and just the general having to poop way too much in 12 hours, apparently my system does not like ice cream anymore. I get diarrhea after eating any amount. And I love Klondike bars! FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 94

Pay attention

By Anonymous - 30/12/2025 03:00

Today, my girlfriend is actually mad at me for not noticing she was two months pregnant. Since we met she’s always had a bit of a belly, and her default clothing is always a big hoodie or dressing gown, she even wears jumpers to bed, so how was I supposed to spot that tiny bit of weight gain? FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 95

Chilly

By Bloody tp - 03/02/2026 22:00

Today, I had to spend five days at work, as we were expecting a snow storm and my position must be staffed at all times. My boss stocked the fridges with food, which sounds nice, but it was all frozen dinners and junk food. I've had so much diarrhea that my asshole is chapped and bleeds when I wipe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 87

Routine

By RIP - 24/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, two years after marrying my fun, adventurous fiancée, she's turned into a whiny, nagging bore. Date nights are now "eat leftovers and watch reality TV nights" and sex is once a month, with her asking, "Are you about to finish? Are you almost done?" the whole way through. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 167

Jealousy

By Thought you would be happy for me, "bestie" - 13/12/2025 00:00

Today, I proudly showed off my new body, after losing 80 pounds. My life-long best friend immediately uninvited me to her upcoming wedding, and won't explain why. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 65

Just put it on, dude

By BING BING BING - 07/07/2025 16:00 - Japan - Tokyo

Today, I started a road trip with friends. The friend who is driving doesn't wear seat belts. BING BING BING. 400 miles to go. BING BING BING. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 110

Take a seat

By Anonymous - 04/08/2025 19:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I went to sit on my bed in the pitch black and I somehow completely misjudged where I was standing in the room, so I missed the bed entirely and sat down on thin air. With nothing to stop me falling, I landed full bore on my ass and felt my coccyx snap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 150

Double agent

By Anonymous - 21/07/2025 13:00 - United States - Anaheim

Today, I’ve been such an idiot. I believed everything my boyfriend told me about his ex being a bitter baby mama, keeping the kids from him, weaponizing custody, etc. Then she showed me all the messages of him making BS excuses to not even try to see his kids. He hasn’t made a visit in a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 147

Confuddled

By Anonymous - 25/11/2025 20:00

Today, I trusted my husband to take the kids to the park by himself 600 yards from the house so I could get some housework done. He managed to lose one bicycle, three wellies, a glove, and his wallet. I sent him back. It’s been two hours and he’s only found his emptied wallet and one welly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 448

You deserved it 88

The happy couple

By Sexless - 18/06/2025 13:00 - United States

Today, on our honeymoon, my wife still won't have sex with me. When I brought it up, she started crying and said she's still "not ready" for sex. We're both in our late twenties. When the fuck will she be ready? FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 225

Breaking news

By Anonymous - 31/07/2025 11:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out my parents still enjoy sex in their 60s, whereas my wife put an end to our sex life because she was tired of faking her orgasms. I had no idea she was faking, I thought our sex life was good, if she’d have told me I’d have done something about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 134

Busted

By Carei - 26/03/2025 17:00 - United States

Today, my parents told me that because they found dildos, a rose toy, and condoms in my bedroom, I’m not getting a car for graduation anymore. Also, I have 30 days from my 18th birthday to “find an apartment or something” and “get the hell out” since I’m "such a grown up now." FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 274

Another Luigi moment

By Anonymous - 16/07/2025 21:00 - United States - Acton

Today, I seized at the bottom of the stairs and broke a rib. I don't have enough money to pay the bill. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 63

Put your back into it!

By Anonymous - 22/11/2025 20:00

Today, my boyfriend tried to claim he can’t eat me out because he has a short tongue, a genuine medical condition that means he can’t do it properly. Funny, because I’ve seen him use that short tongue to completely clean out a Cadbury Creme Egg before without issue. He’s now sulking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 100

Scammers gonna scam

By Leah Magers - 19/07/2025 05:00 - United States - Ames

Today, my friend went to jail after shoplifting over 2000$ worth of Apple Pay cards for her online boyfriend. We have all told her it's a scam and she is facing five years in prison. She won't listen to anyone and won't believe he's a con artist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 109

You big baby

By Anonymous - 17/03/2026 03:00

Today, my husband was supposed to have knee surgery but he wouldn't leave the house because he "got scared" no matter what I and even my mother-in-law tried to do. Now he can't have it for another six months and I took three weeks off work to help him that I can't cancel. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 78

Badass

By Anonymous - 07/02/2026 20:00

Today, my grandmother got caught trying to rob a casino. She was planning this for months, and is claiming I was an integral part of the heist. I'm fifteen and had no idea she was planning this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 68

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The Top

Today, I finally felt ready to make love to my boyfriend for the first time. It all went great, until I tried putting the condom on him. In the process, I managed to nick his penis not once, but three times with my nails. His eyes brimmed with tears and he completely lost his erection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 171

You deserved it 28 496

Today, I got a call from a restricted number. When I answered, it was a prank call. The kids on the other end had porn on high volume and put the phone next to the speaker. Way to remind me that I'm still a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 245

You deserved it 7 808

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me using Lady GaGa lyrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 365

You deserved it 8 931

Today, while spacing out about my hot male boss, he called my name for something and I replied, "Yes Daddy?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 390

You deserved it 1 438

Today, it was my first day working for a real estate company. Just when I got into my car, my pants ripped from my crotch all the way to the top of my pants, a split that was three inches wide. I was wearing a thong and we were on our way to show him an open house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 050

You deserved it 9 216

Today, I found out that my rent is going up by $100. This is the third year in a row. I'm on SSI ($914/month) and it was $550 when I moved in before the pandemic. I'm also morbidly obese, schizophrenic, and my family doesn't respect me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 543

You deserved it 797