Intimacy Health You want a piece of me? - FML

You want a piece of me?

littlepeepboo - 30/01/2018 01:30

Today my boyfriend tried to be sexy and rip off my underwear. Instead, he bit a chunk out of my hip. FML

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Chinese New Year: Dragons and Laughter
Celebrate with stories where tradition and humor meet for a colorful Chinese New Year. …

My chocolate

oops - 31/12/2019 05:00

Today, I was being playful with my boyfriend and put a chocolate between my legs. He bit the chocolate. My lips too... FML

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Like in the movies

alltern8ive - - United States

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic by dipping me backwards and kissing me. He dropped me on my butt, then stepped on my hand while trying to help me up. FML

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Anonymous - 07/03/2015 20:14 - United States - Columbia City

Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML

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Major red flag

Anonymous - 04/03/2010 17:15 - Estonia

Today, I stole a bite of my boyfriend's hamburger. He threw a fit, saying I took too big a bite and I had to replace it with a new, more expensive one. Afterwards, he said how lucky I was he didn't break up with me then and there. FML

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bitten - 15/05/2010 05:09 - United States

Today, I got bitten by my aunt's dog. My brother was holding the leash. He said he didn't pull the dog away from me because he didn't want to rip my shirt. Meanwhile, the dog was biting a penny-sized chunk out of my hip. FML

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coop42 - 15/01/2014 19:22 - United States - Hortonville

Today, my boyfriend was playing with my hair, when his hand got caught. He ended up ripping out a handful of hair trying to get it free. FML

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kaylashay2k13 - 17/05/2016 14:18 - United States - Mission

Today, my boyfriend was trying to tackle me to the bed when we heard a loud pop. The pop turned out to be him breaking my pinky finger. FML

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jacobscrackers - 01/08/2010 18:06 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided that a good time to have our first kiss was on a roller-coaster, right before a huge drop. He bit through my lip. FML

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Thirst trap

Anonymous - 18/03/2010 07:05 - United States

Today, my boyfriend and I were play-wrestling on the couch. I got thirsty, so I got up and grabbed a metal water bottle and drank out of it. He tried to playfully touch it and spill water on me, but instead hit it hard enough to where it slammed my mouth, chipped my tooth, and cut open my lip. FML

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buttpain - 01/12/2016 18:29

Today, I had dinner with my boyfriend's family. His 3-year-old nephew came running for a hug. At the last second, he darted past my arms and bit me on the ass. FML

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RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 30 January 2018 1:39

You said “Eat me” and he took you literally?

Mega Firebeast 8

Tuesday 30 January 2018 2:43

what the ****

RichardPencil 30

Tuesday 30 January 2018 1:39

You said “Eat me” and he took you literally?

Mega Firebeast 8

Tuesday 30 January 2018 2:43

what the ****

Glowworm56 26

Tuesday 30 January 2018 3:11

The emergency room must have has a field day with this one!

crims0nangel 16

Tuesday 30 January 2018 14:00

On this episode of Sex Sent Me to the ER...

leeloo7 22

Tuesday 30 January 2018 3:52

Awch!!! wtf

boopingsnoot 24

Tuesday 30 January 2018 4:55

At least it wasn't your labia

carlosATX 8

Tuesday 30 January 2018 8:16

Is your boyfriend a shark?

Lobby_Bee 17

Tuesday 30 January 2018 9:37

I love it when women smell so delicious I cannot help myself but to take a bite.

dwight7476 11

Tuesday 30 January 2018 20:09

He needs to take his time haste make waste

pjsr 32

Tuesday 30 January 2018 20:17

Or lunch

5th_point_of_contact 8

Wednesday 31 January 2018 5:32

Just curious. Does this guy have a large tag on him somewhere? Something that could look like a beacon? Possibly for tracking predators like um I dunno a shark?

DanielleinDC 33

Wednesday 31 January 2018 20:42

How sharp are his teeth that he could do that? Ouch!

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Kids Parenting Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Intimacy Suspicious Sex Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Today, I was with my grandma waiting in a line. She only speaks Chinese and there was a black man in front of us talking his phone. My grandma tells me that the black man's really loud and annoying. The man finishes and turns and said fluently in Chinese, "What's wrong with loud black men?" FML

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Today, when I tried to play my new Switch, my girlfriend yelled at me to "put down the damn video games." I've barely had five minutes to use this thing without her bitching at me. The worst part? She gave it to me, for Christmas. FML

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Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

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Today, I went to the coffee shop for my usual morning latte before class. When I got my drink, I asked again to make sure it was soy. The barista assured me it was. It wasn't. I'm ridiculously lactose intolerant and just spent six hours throwing up because she was too lazy to correct her mistake. FML

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Today, my boss in my police department told me to start enforcing the "No bikes on sidewalks" law, which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with Down's syndrome, who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

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Today, I was driving home from college when I saw a couple of sporty chicks jogging on the side of the road. I honked at them and yelled suggestively as I do at college, which usually gets a fun flirty reaction from college girls. It was my next-door neighbor and her 11 year old daughter. FML

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