Intimacy: Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought...

By GrandmasWhore - 04/04/2009 05:59 - United States

Today, my grandma gave me the 'abstinence' speech. I had thought she already left to go back to FL but then came into my room to tell me how proud she was of me to keep my virginity. I was doing it doggie-style with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 261

You deserved it 90 507

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Same thing different taste

Mad beliefs

By Anonymous - 12/04/2009 00:20 - United States

Today, my grandmother gave me a huge speech on being abstinent until marriage. Being the honest person that I am, I told her I wasn't a virgin anymore. Instead of being mad and telling me I was going to hell. She asked me what my favourite things to do sexually were. And told me hers in detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 80 288

You deserved it 20 811

Wisdom

By fiftyshardsofbroccoli - 26/10/2012 17:58 - United States

Today, my grandma took it upon herself to give me the sex talk. After explaining the mechanics in excessive detail, she said I shouldn't be afraid to sleep around. Apparently, I need to be comfortable with the man who'll be "conning me into blowing him for the next 50 years." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 476

You deserved it 3 067

By Anonymous - 26/07/2011 04:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was over at my house for the first time. I told her I had to go take a shower, and from the other room my grandmother yells "you're not going to jack off this time are you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 055

You deserved it 8 986

By unlucky_vee_13 - 23/02/2009 22:02 - United States

Today, I was talking to my 81-year-old widowed grandmother on the phone, and she told me she was giving up sex for lent. Not only do I now have a vision of my grandma having sex, I am reminded that she is having more sex than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 254

You deserved it 5 066

Oh no…

By Oh... - 26/07/2019 16:00 - Australia

Today, my grandma drove me home from school early because I was sick. I went upstairs and heard my parents having sex. Embarrassed, I ran downstairs and was about to leave the house when I saw a car pull into the driveway. It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 087

You deserved it 270

By tdiz - 12/10/2010 04:48 - Canada

Today, I was getting frisky with my fiancée when she started talking about her dead great-grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 913

You deserved it 3 577

By andifalls - 24/01/2011 05:11

Today, my 70 year old grandma was yelling at me to take a pregnancy test, in the middle of Walmart. I'm 16, still a virgin and haven't had a boyfriend since I was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 549

You deserved it 3 543

Sex work is real work

By thatssickkk - 17/02/2010 06:40 - United States

Today, my grandmother decided to tell me about her past as a prostitute. In full detail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 593

You deserved it 2 734

As you were

By ryan and Zack - 25/02/2010 22:30 - United States

Today, I walked over to my grandmother's house to pay her a visit. I politely knocked on the door, and there was no answer. Fearing that something had happened, I violently broke down the door to find my grandma and her new 80 year-old boyfriend having sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 334

You deserved it 8 006

You can't hurry love

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my grandma wasn't feeling well, so I went to her house to check on her. After about 20 minutes, I knew she was feeling better when she looked at me and said, "So, do you have a boyfriend yet? I pray every night that I get to live long enough to see you with a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 674

You deserved it 4 135

SomethingWitty 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 15:55

"...then Grandma asked to join. FML"

LyuboLove 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 15:56

i still wonder why people don't take more precautions when there's a possibility of someone being around who could potentially walk in on you... you definitely 100% deserved that one

Comments

Commentator_fml 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 16:30

Honestly, abstinence is quite stupid. Sex isn't bad, people make it seem bad though.

King_of_Kings 3

Saturday 4 April 2009 16:31

#21 my words exactly! Doggie style is fun!

Safko 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 16:41

Lock the door next time.

Callyn 47

Saturday 4 April 2009 16:46

Maybe her doors don't lock? Mine don't back at home. She didn't do anything wrong, her grandmother is just old-fashioned. I don't get why she deserves this.

donkeyboner219 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 16:58

i love you. whats your phone number? i ll hit you off nice and take care of grandma to.

katiemac3 0

Saturday 4 April 2009 17:10

#26 - there are plenty of doors in this world that don't lock. for example, my bedroom door at home does not have a lock on it. I don't see why everyone's saying "what kind of person doesn't lock their door?" because not everyone has locks to every door in their house. just sayin' her grandma could have knocked or something, though.