Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem...

By littlefinger - 11/03/2014 16:11 - United States - Foley

Today, my girlfriend was telling me how sometimes things seem pretty impressive at first, but can turn out to be colossal disappointments when you try them out. "Like your cock," she bitterly finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 697

You deserved it 7 003

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Same thing different taste

By timmynotjimmy - 28/10/2009 01:28 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend told me how disappointed and depressed she was that she could never make me hard. She started ranting about her looks and how she fails at everything. I didn't know how to reply. I was hard while she told me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 400

You deserved it 3 942

Let down

By anonymous - 21/06/2009 02:00 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend's virginity. A few minutes in she remarked, "If this is what sex is normally like then I'm seriously disappointed." FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 258

You deserved it 17 279

Toys R Us

By microlovin - 28/07/2013 07:45 - United States - Pasadena

Today, my girlfriend wanted to try something new in the bedroom, so she got an assortment of different sized cock rings. She laughed when the one we were trying to use kept falling off, and said to try a smaller one. It was the smallest in the set. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 831

You deserved it 9 270

By sucks at sucking - 15/12/2012 00:27 - United Kingdom - Bournemouth

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. I went slowly to build up the excitement, and I thought it was working really well, until he sighed, "For fuck's sake, it's a dick, not a shotgun." and told me to stop embarrassing him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 929

You deserved it 9 253

Humblebrag

By Jason - 09/09/2021 05:01

Today, I discovered that have large "parts" is not all it's cracked up to be, when the girl of my dreams broke up with me because, and I quote, "We tried everything and it just won't fit." FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 543

You deserved it 403

Unwarranted

By Ryan - 20/12/2011 17:57 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were getting hot and heavy. She had her shirt off, and commented on the small size of her breasts. Trying to make her feel better, I said I'd dated girls with smaller breasts. She replied by saying she'd dated bigger penises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 708

You deserved it 60 224

By Anonymous - 02/11/2012 19:46 - Netherlands - Delft

Today, I went down on my girlfriend for the first time. I thought it was all going really well, until I looked up a minute or two in, only to be greeted by a stone-cold death glare and the words, "You really are an idiot, aren't you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 783

You deserved it 8 445

By FreshDonuts - 28/02/2015 05:03 - United States - Antioch

Today, my girlfriend said she was going to start appreciating the little things in life. She's starting with my penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 358

You deserved it 6 288

Finger wagging

By Anonymous - 16/12/2024 14:00 - United States - Edison

Today, my normally-prudish girlfriend grabbed my crotch and said, "I want you to fuck me like I've never been fucked." I obliged. She loved it, until after we'd finished, when she decided that she felt "cheap, gross, and used" and started a huge fight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 686

You deserved it 131

By FuckThis - 31/08/2015 13:16 - United Kingdom - Cardiff

Today, I thought the girl I was seeing was going to tell me that she loved me. Instead, she told me how she sucked some other guy's dick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 377

You deserved it 2 547

Welshite 39

Wednesday 12 March 2014 1:32

And her personality.

tipsy2013 24

Wednesday 12 March 2014 1:36

you must be a show-er, not a grow-er

Comments

stupidguy1313 6

Wednesday 12 March 2014 1:56

Ooooohhhhhh burn

x23bzrk 16

Wednesday 12 March 2014 1:59

i see your username is littlefinger but i would like to point out that this actually sounds like shes fine with the size, you just need to get better at sex

ckerane 16

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:00

and your still with her after that ???

angelitared 27

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:09

Oh, epic fail!

JMichael 25

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:16

Well she obviously just dated you for your dick.

ifunnybatman 8

Wednesday 12 March 2014 4:56

From what she said it actually sounds like his dick or lack of skill with it may just be the reason they break up not the reason they are together

sdroze1389 31

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:23

well despite the fact that she is obviously a Shitty person it seems she is also a spiteful child.

luckyme143 13

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:24

No offense OP but she sounds like a bitch.. but maybe that's just the way I see it!

PurelyCanadian 18

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:32

Someone is a tad bitter. Who pissed in her cornflakes? Ouch.

JMichael 25

Wednesday 12 March 2014 3:28

Not his ****. It couldn't rise to the occasion.

KingLewisII 34

Wednesday 12 March 2014 2:59

You should have said, "maybe you'd enjoy it more if you pulled the stick out your ass first that way they don't compete."

skittyskatbrat 19

Wednesday 12 March 2014 4:25

You rock. LOVE that reply.....

SheTheOtaku 21

Wednesday 12 March 2014 6:24

Why don't I know people who make these witty comebacks in real life?

davincidasecond 24

Thursday 13 March 2014 21:39

51, personally I always find that I come up with witty comebacks, but only hours after I get insulted ... Don't know why, but goddamn, is it annoying.